I asked her that after she continued to, again, complain to me that I was making a drastic, rash decision and I was being too impatient and not understanding.
I've asked this before but since you are drinking from the firehose, I don't think you noticed. She says "You are not understanding" quite a bit. As if this was given. I know you're an astute guy and have probably picked up on this, so I suspect you've asked her already. "What is there to understand? What am I not getting, here?" What about a situation where my wife is having an affair with another man am I not understanding? The corollary to that question is "what would our lives be like if somehow, you managed to make me understand?" What does that mean for you? Does "understanding" mean "return to a life of misery where my wife disappears with another man for hours on end and I just smile and nod at her, because she clearly doesn't wish to acknowledge my pain?"
I know, I'm being a little extreme here but she keeps falling back on that argument... you're rude, you don't understand, blah blah blah. It's asking a little much to expect her to step back and look at things logically at this point-- but that's really how ridiculous it is when they try to gaslight you and they don't have any ammunition left to do it with.
It's "rude" to bring up that you are having sex with another man outside of marriage, you know what we've been in for only two years now? Hooo boy. It's rude to be upset about it? I've asked you this before but what the hell does marriage even mean to this woman?
Now, about the dog. I know you love the dog. I know she loves the dog-- but the day MAY come when you might have to compromise having the puppy to exit your situation. It isn't optimal, not by a long shot.. but.. not to sound heartless (I own three stray Mississippi Mutant hell hounds myself, all rescued)... but you CAN replace a puppy. Relatively easily. I know it won't be the same, but if she thinks she's winning a giant victory by insisting on it, just let her. While she's crowing about "showing him a thing or two" to Mark, you'll be sniggering to yourself on your way to a new job and a new reality. One that might include a new dog. I'm not advising anything here, just offering it as a possibility.
How does one go forward with a WW who is Trying to rewrite our marriage history? What should I do?
I know we are preaching the most important lesson right now: indifference. I'm ALL about indifference. It's important to me because I don't want to carry hatred around with me. That's a hard burden for everyone to carry. However, I'm also all about telling the truth, and not being a PR agent for my XW. If people ask, I tell them the truth, leaving out the sordid parts. My ex knows this, and after a few spluttering attempts to make her look like a victim, she stopped doing it. I still have all the proof I need if anyone's interested. Gradually, they'll stop being interested. Divorces are like a 9 days wonder with your circle of friends.. its' shocking! It's gossip! Then they adjust to the new reality pretty quick. So.. my advice is.. if she pedals a narrative about you that states you're aloof, or neglectful, or you ignored her, well, let her, but tell the truth to those that ask. There's no great secret here.. She took up with a guy at work. It's not even much as scandals go. The worst part about her situation (from my perspective) is she did this after being married for only TWO YEARS. I've said it before.. it doesn't make her look good. She's going to want to control that truth. That's the only thing I'd step in and correct the perception of, if I were in your situation. You don't have to demonize her, but the facts are the facts. She had an affair after two years of being married, with a guy from work. You don't have to write a book about it. The truth can be very liberating..
Lastly, just a note about the mob mentality. We tend to say "don't do the pick me dance" automatically. Yeah, we do! That doesn't make it bad advice! However, I don't believe that is what you are doing here. You DID approach her with your concerns about the affair. She shut you down and didn't acknowledge your pain. You told her there is a boundary she is crossing and she would expect consequences. The consequences might be painful for her to discuss, but I think you've handled it very well indeed. You aren't crying in front of her, you aren't pleading, she's reacting in classic "caught cheater" fashion. So what? That's not you doing the "pick me" dance. You've been in control this whole time and I think you're going to be just fine, myself.