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Moving out

Perdita1 posted 6/8/2021 16:52 PM

Sorry for the avalanche of posts recently.

STBX should be moving out tomorrow. I am teary and panicky. Itís going to be real. The children will just have me tomorrow night. Why am I doing this?

DevastatedDee posted 6/8/2021 16:57 PM

You're doing this because you love yourself and want to provide a healthy mom to your kids. This gets so very much easier. I promise.

The1stWife posted 6/9/2021 03:50 AM

You first joined in 2018. What has changed that is positive in your marriage?

In 3 years what has happened that shows progress or effort or anything like that

Karmafan posted 6/9/2021 10:06 AM

STBX should be moving out tomorrow. I am teary and panicky. Itís going to be real. The children will just have me tomorrow night. Why am I doing this?

To give yourself and your children a fighting chance to live a life that is not defined, tainted and crippled by infidelity!

cbgrace1980 posted 6/10/2021 16:36 PM

The children will be just fine with you, because you are taking care of them! You will help them, lead them, guide them, and even if/when you cry, you are still being brave. Don't panic. This was not a sudden decision. Make sure you have a good friend to call in case you need to vent! We are here for you and we care about you. Hugs to you!

Perdita1 posted 6/12/2021 17:17 PM

Weíll, there were some delays but now itís just me - heís moved out. And I am devastated. I miss being married. I miss having someone to come home to. I missÖ,someone.

BraveSirRobin posted 6/12/2021 17:46 PM

I don't know if you are familiar with the musical "Dear Evan Hansen," but your post reminded me of a song in it called "So Big/So Small." It's a mother singing to her son about the long-ago day his father moved out. It might be too much to listen to it today, but I think it could resonate when you're ready.

((Perdita))

Hutch posted 6/12/2021 17:52 PM

@Perdita1

Navigating a new world is difficult no matter the circumstances that lead to divorce. Iím a firm believer in staying busy especially in the very low moments. Spend time with your kids, find hobbies that you have always wanted to try, exercise if even going for walks. Keep busy until your new life becomes more comfortable. Youíll see that you have more strength than you ever imagined youíd have.

Another thing that helps is getting out and meeting people. Mom/kid play dates where you meet other mothers and can interact, hiking groups, church fellowship, singles support groups or outings. Spend time with friends or family, if possible. Allow yourself to build your new life.

And gently, allow yourself to grieve but try not to get lost or consumed by it. I know that is so difficult but donít let the walls close in on you. Keep communicating and you will see that youíll get a little stronger each day. And know that you will have good days and bad days. Itís okay to have those.

Last tip. Sometimes rearranging your furniture or making some inexpensive changes can help. If you have to stay in the same home, give it a facelift so it feels different. Make it your home.

Big hugs sent.

Justsomeguy posted 6/12/2021 18:50 PM

I remember standing by the kitchen sink with my sister, breaking down as a sobbing mess. I didn't want to be that dad loading one final box into my car, about to drive away and leave my family behind. It was a difficult moment, but for the life of me, I cant seem to place it in my narrative. Was it before or after I filed for D?

Y point is that I worried about so much that has not come to pass. Three years later, life is okay. If you re read my other posts, you'd see that it's not ideal, but fits me well at this stage. My kids are good, in some ways better. I've had to write a new story from scratch and that's okay, even exciting. Hell, I'm even starting to plan some adventures now.

Things will work out. I don't know how or why, but the just seem to. Be strong and just a little selfish. You deserve that.

Fof9303 posted 6/14/2021 16:28 PM

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. It is not easy to feel this way but things will ease and get better with time. Just keep telling yourself that these feelings will pass and time will heal you. So tonight, snuggle up with your kids, watch a movie, eat some ice cream, say your prayers. Tomorrow do the most important things that have to be done and then if anything else gets accomplished consider that a reward. Put something on pretty, eat off a fancy plate, dance in your panties, and do any little thing that can bring some happiness. God Bless.

Perdita1 posted 6/20/2021 15:32 PM

Just wanted to thank you all for your advice and support. Have been reading and re-reading. I canít believe itís only been a week.

Shehawk posted 6/23/2021 10:39 AM

You can do this. And you don't have to do it alone.

I think there are safe people out there who can help too. Of course use appropriate caution but I can only speak for myself but as a grandma aged person with no grands (or even if I had some), I am always happy to help people I know who are leaving infidelity with their kids or other things I may know how to do that they don't.
I imagine there might be people like that in your community too who would love to help you.

Sending positive thoughts your way.

Perdita1 posted 6/25/2021 15:06 PM

Thanks Shehawk. I guess I have to tell people to let them help me. It just feels so strange announcing it.

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