As always, thank you all for the support. I don’t know what I would do without this community, I think it’s better than any IC out there.
I’m back to that dday numbness, sitting and just staring. Time seems to creep by slowly one minute, then the next minute it’s two hours later. The profound sadness just keeps washing over me in waves like it did on dday.
I told STBXWW last week that I have been without a loving partner for 11 months, she said “that hurt.” Then sent a text later that said “And you do have a loving partner. I do many things for you and I show you that I care.” I was actually starting to believe that she was coming back to me. I would get texts periodically lately that said “I hope you are having a good day.” We were doing things together again, watching Netflix shows, still intimate even right up until Thursday (side story, may be TMI for some…we had sex on M,T and W last week…on Thursday she offered a BJ…I believe it’s because she didn’t want AP to have sloppy seconds on Friday)…and I fell for it, the hope was still there. I have only myself to blame for it. I think now it hurts so bad because I now know that the woman who loved and cared for me at one time is finally gone.
Why can’t I be like some of the others here, Mr. Flibble, Absolon, Spaceghost…who pulled themselves out of infidelity immediately. I’m going on a year since dday…I danced like a monkey, I tried everything…I still had hope right up until Thursday 4/15/2021. Some say it’s the pick me dance on steroids; I think I did the nuclear pick me dance. Guvensiz said it:
You expect a crumb of respect at every stage
I did…and I though maybe the mid life crisis was coming to an end.
@CT
your girls deserved to know what broke up their home
I told them what happened, and I said to them “I think you should know the truth, I think you should know the truth about what happened to your family.” They seemed to understand and I told them to ask me anything, the only question my oldest asked was “will you find a house in town?” (see below)
@Halftime
My daughters took it OK I guess…they are teenagers and hard to read. They seemed to understand. I told them why their mother and I can no longer be together and they seemed to understand.
@Poppy704
They will know this and they may not appreciate being used that way…This is not about your wife and punishing her, this is about not damaging your relationship with your kids any further.
Don’t care what the in-laws think and never had the impression that I would turn them against STBXWW. They are all alike, blameshifting victims…every…single…one of her direct family. In fact, since they are all blameshifting victims, I actually expect them to turn on me and start with "oh poor STBXWW." On the other hand my STBXWW’s SIL (not direct family) called me and said “good for you.” I said I hope you’re not angry with me, she said, “hell no you do what you gotta do, go for it…I think what she did is horrendous.” Turns out SIL’s brother was cheated on, she knows the destruction it leaves behind. Yes, the messages to her family were scorched earth, I may regret them some day but not today.
The message to my kids was very gentle. One of the only reasons I have not talked to them until now is that I hoped we would stay together (yes, believe it or not I still had hope). Yesterday kinda blew that hope finally out of the water, almost one year and she is still going to see AP. The other issue is that now I have no interest in being anywhere near STBXWW. If you followed my whole story from a year ago, you will see that I have been abused and manipulated from the beginning. At this point after almost a year of hell I have to physically separate for my own sanity, so my kids needed to know I was leaving and I wanted them to know why (see living arrangements below).
Also, if you followed my original thread on telling the kids, you would see that my STBXWW already told my daughters that she “had” an affair. She had the discussion about the affair with my kids already, without me present for that discussion. She kinda forced my hand, no? They deserve the truth. I was not about to let her version of events sit there and fester.
And today is STBXWW’s birthday. I am not at home, but I already bought gifts for her that will be from the kids. I gave those to the kids yesterday and told them to wrap them for their mother. I sent them a text this morning reminding them to wish their mother a happy birthday and give the presents to her. I have said my piece and will not disparage my STBXWW in front of my kids going forward (and for the record, I did not disparage her in my message, I told them what happened). The kids now know what happened, I will move on with my life from here and do my best to support my kids. I finished the message with plenty of reminders of how much I love them, that I will always be there for them, and that both their mother and father love them very much.
@20yrsagoBS
Second, how are you feeling?
Like shit. It’s like dday all over again. Hope to bounce back quicker this time.
((())) back at you, thank you.
@Graphite
Thanks for your continued support
What is happening with divorce and living space plans?
Divorce moves forward, next court day is May 7. She called my bluff on the house, she originally said she did not want it, then didn’t accept my (very low) offer. So she is going to buy out my half of the house. Which is not good because the housing market sucks right now.
I stayed in a hotel last night, fortunately I have a friend who is out of town until June and will let me stay at her condo while she is out of town. I will be there tonight. Then back at home while my STBXWW and kids are on vacation, then back to the condo on April 24. I don’t want to be anywhere near STBXWW. I hope a house or a condo comes up soon…they are going fast. I looked at a house last Tuesday and it was already sold on Wednesday.
@Cooley2here and @Hellfire
I asked my daughters if they knew something was up…they said they knew last summer.
@Bigger
Thank you , I like reading your posts here and elsewhere. Our second court date is May 7…we are well on the way to divorce. Just negotiating the house at the moment, once that is done (she was literally on the phone with a refinance broker on Wednesday) we should have a draft divorce decree. I honestly expect the draft divorce decree before may 7th. Child care, alimony, child support, division of retirement money have all been worked out.
To the guides and administrators. Thank you. I am totally in favor of hearing all sides. I have no issues with differing opinions. This site is awesome. No issues here with Poppy’s posts. I’ve thought long and hard about whether to tell my kids and what that message would be…see my original post. I just felt that my hand was forced yesterday...the last straw.
If I didn’t mention you individually, it doesn’t mean I did not read your post. I am grateful to all of you. This is such a hard time. I come and read here often. You folks have helped me immensely and words cannot describe my gratitude.
[This message edited by DanielJK at 7:12 AM, April 19th (Monday)]