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Contact with the WS after D

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grubs posted 4/26/2021 21:07 PM

You need to get used to not communicating. It takes a little time, but you will find once you get to that place, healing accelerates.

This. Its retraining yourself. When you have things you would normally think of telling her, it's retraining yourself to instead think of telling a friend or family member. Every time she pops in your head brings her a little bit back in to your life. The sooner that stops the sooner you will heal.

BetrayedGamer posted 4/26/2021 22:22 PM

Every time she pops in your head brings her a little bit back in to your life. The sooner that stops the sooner you will heal.

This is why I know I should be looking forward to May 2nd. My heart is dreading the day, but I know in my head the restraint will be a lot easier to stick to.

BetrayedGamer posted 4/27/2021 13:59 PM

Oh the irony. Starting to look like the A is falling apart on her, around the same date she closed on her new house.

Karma Karma Karma chameleon...

I gotta admit, this is sooner than I thought.

[This message edited by BetrayedGamer at 2:02 PM, April 27th (Tuesday)]

NorCalLost posted 4/27/2021 16:43 PM

The entire rest of the day STBXWW treated me like her best friend again, showing me pictures of the new house, talking about her work, new Marvel shows, everything we used to talk about before this all happened. I don't know how to take it, however I am not taking it as any malicious intent, she simply isn't that clever. I do think she fully intends to stay friends after she moves out, and I'm not sure how I want to handle that. I really don't think I can make a decision on it until she's gone and I have time to process it.

I haven't read your story, so I may have the wrong context, but it seems like she is skating off into the sunset without any consequences. She's getting her cake (the AP) and eating it too (a continued friendship with you).

It's so easy to continue bad behavior, or to make excuses for it, when there are no consequences.

Also, who cares what SHE intends? What matters is what YOU want for YOUR life moving forward. And in my view, you should NOT want a friendship with the person who betrayed you, without any remorse or intent to repair what she broke.

Of course she's happy and giddy right now. She's still in the fog, and no one is doing anything to yank her out of it.

I'm so sorry for what she did to you. I hope you can find a way to extricate her from your life and start over again fresh.

You and I are in the same age range. There was a time when I thought my life was over and completely wasted on loving two betrayers, but I now realize that I am still young, and there is still plenty of time to forge a life that I want for myself.

There is still time for YOU to do so as well. But you need to put that pathetic STBXWW in your rearview mirror first. (((Hugs)))

[This message edited by NorCalLost at 4:45 PM, April 27th (Tuesday)]

grubs posted 4/27/2021 16:45 PM

It's pretty common that A's can't stand on their own. They only seem fulfilling & wonderful because they only need to fill around the gaps of the existing relationships. The A's don't need to provide the entire support the BS provides the wayward. AP's aren't generally really good people either which becomes much more apparent the more time the WS has to spend with them.
Unfortunately, your wayword has reframed herself into a corner. Even if you wanted R, it's very unlikely that she could admit even to herself this was just a fantasy run amuck.

BetrayedGamer posted 4/27/2021 17:34 PM

Yeah grubs we're too deep into the process (her ready to move out, D paperwork all done) for any R. She isn't the type of person who admits to mistakes, preferring to put her decision-making abilities as God is steering her (even though she doesn't go to church or read the bible) or that "signs" are directing her.

We might be able to pause the D and go into separated mode for a while, but again that would require her to admit she made a shitty decision with the A and I don't see her doing that, but she could always surprise me.

None of my plans are changing. I'm going to re-nest and move on once she's out of the house. Not only will the A not be in my living room anymore, but I feel a bit empowered that it's collapsing as well. If anything I feel sorry for her, but I'm not going to take any low blows, I'm just going to treat it like I don't really know what's going on. The ball is in her court whether she wants to even bring me up to speed, but I think she's just going to keep it to herself and try to deal with it on her own.

src9043 posted 4/27/2021 19:30 PM

I can't begin to understand how someone can fall for a person over the internet that he or she never met. This is crazy stuff. Not only has she never met the clown, but he is also way younger than her. Like I said a long time ago on your previous thread, if they ever meet, she will be good for a roll in the hay then he will send her packing. Your STBXWW is really a dolt.

Please, for your own well-being, do not ever consider R with her. Get yourself in the best "dating" shape you can get into. Start dating in the next few months. Spend time with friends. Stay away from your crazy STBXWW. You realize that it is impossible for her to ever become a safe partner. She is truly living in la-la land. DO NOT FEEL SORRY FOR HER. That is a dangerous mindset. Don't be her rescuer. You will rue the day if you do so. Run, Forest, Run as fast as you can away from this extremely delusional person.

Cooley2here posted 4/27/2021 20:07 PM

If she is gullible enough to fall for a stranger I hope she never hears from the Nigerian prince who can get 40 million dollars out of the bank if she will lend him the money.

BetrayedGamer posted 4/27/2021 21:44 PM

If she is gullible enough to fall for a stranger I hope she never hears from the Nigerian prince who can get 40 million dollars out of the bank if she will lend him the money.

OMG there's a story there with a door-to-door window salesman that came to the house when I wasn't home, that ended up wasting 2 hours of my life I'll never get back.

She's back to gaming with the AP in my living room, so I guess they're all good again. Putting the SD on chat with him, I guess she's trying to get her to get used to "her new stepdad". I'm sort of relieved, I'm so done with her shit. I got a little bit more of paperwork sorting I have to give her, then I'm done with my end of shit and I can just hang out in my guestroom until she's gone.

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