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Need help finding an old thread

Topic is Sleeping.
mad1

 redundant (original poster New Member #75071) posted at 6:48 PM on Tuesday, March 30th, 2021

I've been skulking around in SI since 2013. I finally joined in 2020. I guess I'm just a slow learner. And I got tired of reading in blue. Anyway, I got divorced in 2016. In late 2019 or early 2020, there in the wayward section was a thread from a WW who set out to have an affair because why not. She was a teacher and she and her BH had had a young daughter. She deeply regretted her choices and voluntarily left the house and got an apartment. There no resolution to her relationship and the thread simply faded away.

The reason I am asking for help is, I remember at the time I first read it that it could have been written by my exWW as all the circumstances were the same, including the exWW saying to her/our daughter that we were divorcing because, "I hurt daddy's heart."

I asked recently if she wrote it. and, of course, she denied it, and didn't believe such a thread existed. The similarities are uncanny. Both WW' are teachers. both have/had daughters. both tried to save their marriages. and both volunteered to leave in order to give their BHes time alone to process their anger and hurt. Does any of this ring any bells? I realize the information is scanty, but I'm in hopes that someone can come with something. This is driving me nuts. Thanks for reading.

.

posts: 11   ·   registered: Aug. 3rd, 2020
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This0is0Fine ( Member #72277) posted at 6:57 PM on Tuesday, March 30th, 2021

It's against the guidelines to pull threads from other forums.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 1:07 PM, March 30th (Tuesday)]

Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.

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SlapNutsABingo ( Member #71353) posted at 7:06 PM on Tuesday, March 30th, 2021

Well, it's defiantly not LifeDestroyer, but redundant I remember that post clearly. It seems it was from early last year.

posts: 383   ·   registered: Aug. 21st, 2019   ·   location: WI
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 redundant (original poster New Member #75071) posted at 1:35 AM on Wednesday, March 31st, 2021

Thanks for replying, slap. No, it wasn't LD. I remember her and Neanderthal's struggles, and like most of the posters here, I was hoping for a better ending to their story. I hope someone can come up with a name for the thread so I can show it to the ex, and can stop obsessing over it.

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Notthevictem ( Member #44389) posted at 3:17 AM on Wednesday, March 31st, 2021

Why's it so important?

BH: Me 37
WW: Her 41
DDAY Mar 2014

posts: 13360   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2014   ·   location: Florida
id 8646822
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 redundant (original poster New Member #75071) posted at 3:08 PM on Wednesday, March 31st, 2021

It's only important because I think she wrote a troll post. I remember the difficulty the ex had in finding a "suitable" apartment (her words) and was resentful in having to settle for a second choice. So I want to confront her, since I can speak to her without snarling now.

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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 3:25 PM on Wednesday, March 31st, 2021

And if she did?

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 25999   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8646911
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 redundant (original poster New Member #75071) posted at 5:12 PM on Wednesday, March 31st, 2021

Nothing, really. I just want a sense of justice and validation or to stop thinking about it.

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SadieMae ( Member #42986) posted at 6:03 PM on Wednesday, March 31st, 2021

The other day, Mel Robbins shared something that I am trying to apply to my life.

"You don't need closure. You need to move on."

If y'all are divorced, why chase this rabbit? Even if you find the thread, she'll deny it. Even if she wrote it, she'll deny it. Even if you could provide proof of IP address, she'll deny it. She will deny it because that's what she wants to do.

But if you take the power away does it really matter if she wrote it? Does it really matter if you can prove it? Will it make anything different or better?

I'm thinking about starting a project and whenever I start these circular thoughts that only hurt me, I'll work on the project. And then, when it's done, I'll be able to say that instead of spending my time in rabbit holes, look what I did.

Me: BW 40 on DDAY
Him: WH 40 on DDAY (FlawedBroken)
Together over half our lives.
D-day 3/9/2014
TT until 6/2016
TT again Fall 2020

posts: 1195   ·   registered: Apr. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: Sweet Tea in the Shade
id 8646950
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Notthevictem ( Member #44389) posted at 6:13 PM on Wednesday, March 31st, 2021

Yeah, she might just be pushing your buttons.

BH: Me 37
WW: Her 41
DDAY Mar 2014

posts: 13360   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2014   ·   location: Florida
id 8646954
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HouseOfPlane ( Member #45739) posted at 6:19 PM on Wednesday, March 31st, 2021

So I want to confront her

You want to confront your divorced ex-wife?

Sounds like you still have a relationship with her, whether or not she has one with you. That puts her in the power position. You care, she doesn't.

Not seeing how this works out well. At least she'll get a huge ego stroke knowing she is occupying all this space in your head.

You know what to do here. She's not the one you need to confront.

Sending strength!

DDay 1986: R'd, it was hard, hard work.

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”
― Mary Oliver

posts: 2718   ·   registered: Nov. 25th, 2014
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grubs ( Member #77165) posted at 6:46 PM on Wednesday, March 31st, 2021

was she a mh?

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 redundant (original poster New Member #75071) posted at 9:39 PM on Wednesday, March 31st, 2021

She was a good wife and mother until she caught a bad case of FOMO. We are on speaking terms because we share a daughter. It's been five years now and I have moved on. I was so shocked that this particular thread was so similar to our situation that I thought I'd see if the thread was in anyone elses mind.

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Notthevictem ( Member #44389) posted at 10:11 PM on Wednesday, March 31st, 2021

Well, I'm sorry I don't remember the thread you're looking for, and can't help you with that.

That you were looking for it does point towards MAYBE a hiccup in your healing journey. Like a scar in your back that still hurts when ya stretch a certain way. But emotional.

That being said, I don't have enough info to point and tell you where it's at. I'm not even sure that a day from now it won't be something you forget about and move on.

What I'd suggest is to stick around here a little bit and advise a few others that have fresher wounds... and in doing so, if you happen across someone else's story that causes you to have a pain flare-up, then you'd find the spot that didn't quite heal right. And potentially help others along their path, so a double win.

Of course, it's just a suggestion, and I'm in no way trying to get you to relive the initial pain, so if you don't feel like you could without sinking, you know what's best.

Strength!

BH: Me 37
WW: Her 41
DDAY Mar 2014

posts: 13360   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2014   ·   location: Florida
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 redundant (original poster New Member #75071) posted at 4:36 PM on Saturday, April 3rd, 2021

Thanks, NTV . Believe me when I say that I'm not in any way emotionally linked to the ex. She cheated, I was out. The conversation occured on my daughter's sixteenth birthday. The thread suddenly flashed through my mind and I just mentioned it, that's all, so I wondered, since the thread is gone, if anyone among the posters with better memories than mine could help me out. It's a matter of curiousity and nothing more. By the way; since my daughter is now sixteen (in my state) she can come live with me full time. She wants to. God help me.

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Notthevictem ( Member #44389) posted at 6:01 PM on Saturday, April 3rd, 2021

Lol, sounds like you're in for it.

I've heard a teenage daughter has been the death of many a lesser man.

BH: Me 37
WW: Her 41
DDAY Mar 2014

posts: 13360   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2014   ·   location: Florida
id 8647871
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Hippo16 ( Member #52440) posted at 7:47 PM on Saturday, April 3rd, 2021

^^^^^

May the Force be with you!

Not Just Friends

posts: 546   ·   registered: Mar. 26th, 2016   ·   location: OBX
id 8647888
wink1

 redundant (original poster New Member #75071) posted at 9:28 PM on Saturday, April 3rd, 2021

Thanks. DD has an eye roll that can turn aside cannon fire. But she's also a fine young woman. She is in the orchestra (plays the cello), and is a "straight A" student. I'm really proud of her.

posts: 11   ·   registered: Aug. 3rd, 2020
id 8647898
Topic is Sleeping.
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