Newest Member: Maifurrypurt

Just Found Out :
Still battling on.

Topic is Sleeping.
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 IWMWB (original poster new member #74858) posted at 1:18 AM on Friday, March 19th, 2021

Tomorrow is another day and the start of me pulling away day one, I’m determined because I know right now the only person that can get myself out of this and that I can depend on is me, I’m the one keeping myself onboard this train to crazy land.

I’ll read what I’ve written down and the shit I’ve put up with the last year before I get out of bed.

As per the suggestion I will keep in my mind that my wife’s hands have been touching the OM (it physically makes me feel sick) and I am no longer going to keep enabling this crap by giving her any affection or any more of my time of life as she doesn’t deserve it, I know all I am doing is satisfying my own weak need for affection which is causing an imbalance.

posts: 37   ·   registered: Jul. 13th, 2020
id 8643054
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 IWMWB (original poster new member #74858) posted at 6:24 PM on Friday, March 19th, 2021

So given no affection today, she asked me if I wanted a cup of tea and I simply answered no politely and she went off to work.

I've not text her at all today although to be fair that's normal.

posts: 37   ·   registered: Jul. 13th, 2020
id 8643332
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asc1226 ( member #75363) posted at 6:31 PM on Friday, March 19th, 2021

I’ll read what I’ve written down and the shit I’ve put up with the last year before I get out of bed.

Might want to reread this before she gets home as well. Also skim through if she texts you. No need to reply unless someone is bleeding or something’s on fire.

I make edits, words is hard

posts: 370   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2020
id 8643337
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Marz ( member #60895) posted at 7:05 PM on Friday, March 19th, 2021

^^^^^^^^Ignoring is a good option.

posts: 6628   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8643348
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 IWMWB (original poster new member #74858) posted at 9:07 PM on Friday, March 19th, 2021

Well on one hand she isn’t home from work yet so it’s a bit of respite and on the other other hand it’s just made me so fucking angry as 99% chance she is out with the O/M on a little Friday night date, something that used to be our thing.

The anger isn’t just about her being with OM it’s about her using this house as a base to do it, it’s about how blatant it is. She thinks because she says it’s over between us it’s given her the licence to act that way and you know what that her right, but do it elsewhere and don’t rub everyone’s face in it: Both myself and my adult daughter are living here.

posts: 37   ·   registered: Jul. 13th, 2020
id 8643369
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MountainGuy ( new member #75436) posted at 10:00 PM on Friday, March 19th, 2021

Start going out yourself. Go out for a night, for a weekend. Go have some fun. If she asks, tell her it's none of your business what you do, or with who.

You need to stop letting your life revolve around her and set the focus back on yourself. The only way to move on, is to actually start doing other things on your own.

posts: 49   ·   registered: Sep. 15th, 2020
id 8643389
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 10:20 PM on Friday, March 19th, 2021

But she was trying to suck up to you a few days ago.

I don’t know how you haven’t just lost it with her. She’s a very troubled person. But then again most cheaters are.

At least my H was very secretive about when he saw the oW. I had no idea it occurred the few times it did. At least he didn’t flaunt it.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10556   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8643392
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src9043 ( member #75367) posted at 10:46 PM on Friday, March 19th, 2021

My ex-wife lived in our house for three months after we broke up. Week one after the break-up, she met a guy at a bar and followed him to N.Y. for a booty call. She left me and our three-year-old son alone. When the whole thing blew up in her face, she came home crying. No reconciliation. She knew that was off the table. A couple of months later she met her husband to be on a blind date. She was heavily dating him before she moved out. My feelings meant nothing to her. They never did. She is still with her second husband but things are quite rocky. She also has trained her wrath on me again, decades later, for no apparent reason. These women are flaming narcissists. They are to be avoided at all costs. If they show disrespect to you, dump them. IWMWB, dump your wife now. Go nuclear on her. Give her 1 week to find a new place. If she doesn't, pack all her shit up in large trash bags, put them on the front porch while she is out, and then change the locks. Tell her to never contact you again then go NC. Block her on everything. Be as nasty as you like with the kiss-off letter. File for divorce and have her served immediately.

[This message edited by src9043 at 4:52 PM, March 19th (Friday)]

posts: 419   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2020
id 8643400
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siracha ( member #75132) posted at 12:37 AM on Saturday, March 20th, 2021

I like your idea of simply pulling away , remind yourself every time you touch smile laugh talk look at each other - YOU LOSE.

Make yourself go to the other room make yourself go out on weekends without her make yourself text her that you have moved on and want her out .

posts: 538   ·   registered: Aug. 8th, 2020
id 8643426
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Marz ( member #60895) posted at 1:22 AM on Saturday, March 20th, 2021

Your previous actions or lack of told her this was acceptable so she gave you more.

Let her go, fully.

[This message edited by Marz at 7:23 PM, March 19th (Friday)]

posts: 6628   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8643442
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Stevesn ( member #58312) posted at 4:49 AM on Saturday, March 20th, 2021

It’s time to stop living with her. How can that be facilitated?

fBBF. Just before proposing, broke it off after her 2nd confirmed PA in 2 yrs. 9 mo later I met the wonderful woman I have spent the next 30 years with.

posts: 3182   ·   registered: Apr. 17th, 2017
id 8643476
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Bonetired ( member #78518) posted at 3:22 PM on Monday, March 22nd, 2021

Personally by now I would have blocked the number.

posts: 340   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2021   ·   location: Grand Rapids
id 8643995
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 IWMWB (original poster new member #74858) posted at 7:48 PM on Monday, March 22nd, 2021

The only way to stop living with her is that either she moves out or I do again for the second time. We have a joint mortgage so either it is is entitled to be in the house.

I’ve not made my mind up yet but I have started enquiring alto estate agents about flats.

posts: 37   ·   registered: Jul. 13th, 2020
id 8644075
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 IWMWB (original poster new member #74858) posted at 11:49 PM on Monday, March 22nd, 2021

What astonishes me is how my W goes about everyday life like it’s all normal and it absolutely pisses me off, it this unique or have others been sucked into this twilight zone?

posts: 37   ·   registered: Jul. 13th, 2020
id 8644168
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This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 12:07 AM on Tuesday, March 23rd, 2021

Brother, you are in self-imposed limbo.

The only thing you need to do to break free is to speak your genuine feelings out loud, over and over.

Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.

posts: 1343   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2019
id 8644172
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asc1226 ( member #75363) posted at 12:11 AM on Tuesday, March 23rd, 2021

What astonishes me is how my W goes about everyday life like it’s all normal and it What astonishes me is how my W goes about everyday life like it’s all normal and it absolutely pisses me off, it this unique or have others been sucked into this twilight zone?

I’m sure you’ve read other posts here. She is not unique. There is nothing special about your cheating WW, other than that she’s the one you have to deal with. Reread the simplified 180. Once you’re able to detach and observe her actions objectively it will make moving forward out of infidelity easier.

I make edits, words is hard

posts: 370   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2020
id 8644174
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thatbpguy ( member #58540) posted at 12:39 AM on Tuesday, March 23rd, 2021

Ask her to leave and start making life a bit difficult for her. Do a hard 180. Make it a point to be gone on Friday and Saturday nights. Let her think about things. I realize she's betrayed you, but now you're letting her use you as a punching bag as well. Start finding your own life away from her.

ME: BH Her: WW DDay 1, R; DDay 2, R; DDay 3, I left; Divorced Remarried to a wonderful woman

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." C.S. Lewis

As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly...

posts: 4455   ·   registered: May. 2nd, 2017   ·   location: Vancouver, WA
id 8644185
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Westway ( member #71747) posted at 5:46 PM on Tuesday, March 23rd, 2021

src9043

My ex-wife lived in our house for three months after we broke up. Week one after the break-up, she met a guy at a bar and followed him to N.Y. for a booty call. She left me and our three-year-old son alone. When the whole thing blew up in her face, she came home crying. No reconciliation. She knew that was off the table. A couple of months later she met her husband to be on a blind date. She was heavily dating him before she moved out. My feelings meant nothing to her. They never did. She is still with her second husband but things are quite rocky. She also has trained her wrath on me again, decades later, for no apparent reason. These women are flaming narcissists. They are to be avoided at all costs. If they show disrespect to you, dump them. IWMWB, dump your wife now. Go nuclear on her. Give her 1 week to find a new place. If she doesn't, pack all her shit up in large trash bags, put them on the front porch while she is out, and then change the locks. Tell her to never contact you again then go NC. Block her on everything. Be as nasty as you like with the kiss-off letter. File for divorce and have her served immediately.

Women are so good at using crying to manipulate us men. They learn it young with their dads. They work on it through childhood and by the time they are teenagers they have learned to use crying as a weapon, and we guys just don't learn. We let them use tears to manipulate us and it works every time.

[This message edited by Westway at 11:46 AM, March 23rd (Tuesday)]

Me: 52;

XWW: 50 y.o. serial cheater

Married 22 years, Together 24
2 Daughters: aged 16 and 20
DDay: 9/20/19
Divorced 12/03/20.

posts: 1366   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8644408
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Jambomo ( member #74853) posted at 11:05 AM on Sunday, March 28th, 2021

The anger isn’t just about her being with OM it’s about her using this house as a base to do it, it’s about how blatant it is. She thinks because she says it’s over between us it’s given her the licence to act that way and you know what that her right, but do it elsewhere and don’t rub everyone’s face in it: Both myself and my adult daughter are living here.

Well do you ever say this to her? You are giving massive mixed-messages by hugging her and not calling her out on the behaviour. You are at this point pretty much saying you are ok with it.

You said your kids are adults now so can you sell the house? Use it to buy your own flat.

Regardless, start living life as a single guy (I don’t mean dating or sex). Go out with friends, meet up with your kids, go on trips. Stop letting your life revolve around her and what she’s doing, focus on you and do things you want to do. Get exercise and feel better in yourself. Don’t tell her where you are or what you are doing.

You will be much more resilient if you have a good life outside of her and it’s something that’s healthy in all relationships, to have your own interested and have fun with friends. Your partner should add value to your life not actually BE your life.

posts: 240   ·   registered: Jul. 13th, 2020   ·   location: Scotland
id 8646017
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Decorum ( member #47744) posted at 6:33 PM on Sunday, March 28th, 2021

Wow in all my years on marriage forums this is quite a head turner.

She certainly takes the cake, and OM blows out the candles.

If you established boundaries that are dealbreakers for yourself this could have been resolved one way or the other long ago.

With a lot less pain and damage.

You say she acts like everything is normal. Dont you think she feels the same about you everytime you take her back? Lol.

Long term do you see yourself feeling like everything is normal?

posts: 62   ·   registered: May. 2nd, 2015
id 8646062
Topic is Sleeping.
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