Still battling on.
Previous thread: https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=647550&AP=41&HL=
So wow coming up a year to when all this shit started and guess what not much has changed. I have done one hell of a pick me dance for a year now and yep you guessed it all I have gotten out of it is more hurt and loss.
We’ve had at least three false R last time she came back she was adamant to go back to work with him and that of course wasn’t going to work.
So since then she had moved in with him and after a couple of months started texting me she was so sorry she made a mistake and wants to come home and I tell her ok come home, she says she can’t right now because she’s in a lease and can’t just leave him in the lurch and she hopes I will wait for her (I know right!) then I get a panicked call one day to telling me she wants to come home now so I collect her from their flat (found out later they had argued that day) he goes off the deep end and police are involved etc.
We decided we will try again she quits job after some debate, and I think just because she can’t face him and it’s all good there is I love you’s and she is initiating affection and reassurance and intimacy, then it stops she turns colder again and my gut is screaming they are in contact but I ignore because I want to trust. Things deteriorate until she is pushing me to a point we argue and she uses that as an excuse to end it and she runs back to him (although staying at home!). I ask her where you in contact and she said no and she is really angry I asked her that.
I sit and watch as she goes out at the weekends and then at Christmas and New Year so for months knowing she is with him and I can’t take it any more so I decide I need to get myself out of this and so I move out into a rented house. I kit it all out with my stuff (beds, tv, furniture etc etc) and a few weeks go by and she starts texting about how sorry she was she can’t believe how bad a person she is. Tells me she was texting him and sleeping with him (my gut was right) says she doesn’t want him to move into our house (which btw I had walked away from). So we chat and we decide to give it another go (AGAIN) and so things go okay for a month or so she stays with me at the rental and we decide that will move back home and so I give up the rental and sell my stuff and the she drops the bombshell that she doesn’t want to continue and will move out and get her own flat.
So here I am back at home again while she is dating OM and is now out there looking for a new place to live like this situation is fucking normal! It’s put me back at square one and I am emotionally shattered not that she cares. Despite all this crap I still am in love so first things first what the hell is wrong with me?! I actually started to believe that I deserved all this shit because she has played such a good blame game.
This is WHY anyone reading this that’s early on in this process should listen to these guys on SI and don’t pick me dance, take me as your example of how the game is rigged and you will NOT win.
111 comments posted: Saturday, March 6th, 2021
Is this normal if there is such a thing
So long story short my Wife gave me the ILYBINILWY speech back in April and I then subsequently found out she had "feelings" for a co-worker and they had been texting since January. I got all the usual stuff thrown at me that comes with this like the blame shifting and all that crap.
Anyway in start of August it went as far as my wife moving in with the AP, but a couple of weeks after that happened she started texting me saying she had made a big mistake and that she loved me. I stupidly made it all too easy and said we could make it work if she was willing but she was hesitant to just drop the AP, but a few days later they had an argument and she text to ask me to pick her up it was done. The AP sent a few nasty messages and she told him it was done and blocked his number.
Initially when my wife came back she did all the right things saying sorry, giving me cuddles, saying ILY and we had sex a couple of weeks later. She seemed optimistic about our future.
Fast forward two months to roughly the last couple of weeks she seems to be backsliding. The affection from her has stopped (she will accept affection if I instigate it like cuddling and kissing) but she has stopped saying ILY and the sex has also stopped. I've asked her whats up and she says she thinks she is just going through the motions of missing AP (yuk!).
Right now I am just feeling shit and I think the initial hope I had is just fading, and doubts about R and M are creeping in quite a lot. I do get that it may well be she needs to go through a period of grieving the AP and her feelings are not just going to switch back on/off that easy but I guess I am just confused by her initial burst of feelings the first few weeks she was back.
She just seems to want to rug sweep and get back to "normal" whatever that is but right now it just doesn't feel enough for me. I've read lots of resources and I read about the unfaithful showing transparency, remorse, accountability, loving actions and right now I am seeing none of that.
Its leaving me feeling very unloved, used, like her feelings are more important.
36 comments posted: Thursday, October 15th, 2020