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Gottagetthrough (original poster member #27325) posted at 4:04 PM on Saturday, February 27th, 2021
Wh says that he says mean things in the morning bc he hasnt taken his meds . Today its how im wrong for going to get grocery pick up at a store thats farther away than our closest, usual store.
The one father away could do groceries earlier. I need coffee. Its worth it to me.
Wh gave me a 30 second lecture about how, “wow, $70 grocery pick up and an hour and a half drive and all that wear and tear on the car. Okaaaayyyyyyyy”
(Closest store is a 30 min drive both ways, this is probably 1-1.5 hours both ways. We are in a rural area and i drive 2 hours every day to take my kids to and from school, so this is no biggie)
I said they had availability much earlier and i needed coffee.
He said you could go to the corner store for coffee (instant coffee i dont like)
I mean. Its effing 11 am. Hes just waking up. And picking on me how i get groceries 
I dont want to fight. Im done, so i dont care if he “gets it”. I just want to say im sad and cant wait for his meds to kick in today so he isnt a shitty human. He wont even remember being a douche by 1 pm
[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 10:06 AM, February 27th (Saturday)]
phmh ( member #34146) posted at 5:52 PM on Saturday, February 27th, 2021
I don't recall all the specifics of your story but I assume you are in the process of divorcing if you are here.
Don't JADE - justify, argue, defend, explain. Ignore him. You're giving him what he wants - a victim and an argument. Just ignore. NC.
Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!
Married: 11 years, no kids
Character is destiny
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 7:44 PM on Saturday, February 27th, 2021
That’s one thing that I don’t miss... the erratic moods. Bipolar or not it creates a chaotic situation of you walking on eggshells everyday. I remember an incident once where I was up early and was making coffee and guess he felt I was making too much noise so I got a riot act on how I woke him up and he never gets to sleep in yadda yadda. I felt like I couldn’t live. It’s bullshit. If I were you I would just walk away don’t engage and don’t listen to it. Do what you want. Living that way is pure misery. I can tell you it is so peaceful not being with him and having him in my ear all day.
[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 1:45 PM, February 27th (Saturday)]
fBS/fWS(me):51 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(21) DS(18)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/8/24
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 10:22 PM on Saturday, February 27th, 2021
My sister used to do this when she was in HS. It’s brilliant!
She worked in a bakery and it was very busy in Sunday. Lines out the door. People would get upset if they ran out of an item or had to wait for things to come out of the oven.
So they would yell at the counter people. My sister used to just stand there and let them yell. She would stare right through them. When they were done yelling she sound calmly say “can I help you?”
She gave them no acknowledgement whatsoever.
Genius!!
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 11 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 7:45 PM on Sunday, February 28th, 2021
Tell him to keep his unhappy shitty self in his room until his "meds kick in".
Sorry Gotta he is just a really selfish ass.
He is a grownass adult. He knows whats right and what is wrong. He just loves to twist your knobs. Grey Rock. Grey Rock. Grey Rock.
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
Lionne ( member #25560) posted at 8:10 PM on Sunday, February 28th, 2021
Don't JADE - justify, argue, defend, explain. Ignore him. You're giving him what he wants - a victim and an argument. Just ignore.
Emphatically this.
Just smile and say "well bless your heart!" Southern version of "f*ck you."
Me-BS-65 in May<BR />HIM-SAFWH-68<BR />I just wanted a normal life.<BR />Normal trauma would have been appreciated.
Gottagetthrough (original poster member #27325) posted at 10:53 PM on Sunday, February 28th, 2021
I kept thinking- you are a cheater
My biggest fault is driving too far for groceries
Takotsubo ( member #49936) posted at 11:03 PM on Tuesday, March 2nd, 2021
I work directly in the mental health field (being vague for privacy purposes.) People with Bipolar don't just wake up grumpy and "then they meds kick in." Their mood swings last weeks to months IF not medicated. HE is using his diagnoses to excuse being an asshole. Bipolar doesn't mean you are prone to hypercritical behavior throughout the day, that's just his shitty personality.
Grey rock. Grey rock.Grey rock.
When STBX starts to pull this shit I just make noncommittal comments like, Huh, hmmmm, mmmhmmm. I stopped reacting to him because nothing I do will ever make him happy. He is unhappy with the consequences of his actions so he wants to find anything to attack.
BS(me):38(on dday)WH(him):35 (on dday)married 7 yrs (on Dday)COW:21 3 small children DDAY: Oct 4, 2015 (he said EA) Oct 7 2015 I uncover a PA via texts evidence, he confesses allBroke NC Jan 2016D-day#2 June 19 20
Oct 2022-divorced
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 11:41 PM on Tuesday, March 2nd, 2021
My younger sister has bipolar and she never pulled crap like that. He's using it as an excuse to be a douchehole.
What he's doing is called baiting, and is a manipulative tactic to get a response from you.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
Ratpicker ( member #57986) posted at 9:02 PM on Wednesday, March 3rd, 2021
Waywards are delusional. My X was up on the witness stand, giving sworn testimony in divorce trial. With a grown up judge and everything. When asked about my biggest fault as a wife, his answer was that I sometimes went to bed with dirty dishes in the kitchen sink. The judge had to cover his smile with his hand. I mean if he said I left dishes soaking in the toilet- that might be grounds for multiple affairs!
Road of life is paved with dead squirrels who couldn't make a decision.
barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 1:42 PM on Thursday, March 4th, 2021
Tell him to keep his unhappy shitty self in his room until his "meds kick in".
Sorry Gotta he is just a really selfish ass.
I agree.
Actually, tell that asshole to go to therapy so that he can learn to behave better. Bipolar or not, he's being a really selfish ass.
Me: Crap, I'm 50 years old. D-Day: August 30, 2016. Two years of false reconciliation. Divorce final: Feb 1, 2021. Re-married: December 3, 2022.
HeHadADoubleLife ( member #68944) posted at 4:14 PM on Thursday, March 4th, 2021
I work directly in the mental health field (being vague for privacy purposes.) People with Bipolar don't just wake up grumpy and "then they meds kick in." Their mood swings last weeks to months IF not medicated. HE is using his diagnoses to excuse being an asshole. Bipolar doesn't mean you are prone to hypercritical behavior throughout the day, that's just his shitty personality.
^This!
I have two brothers with bipolar I, and neither of them are irritable assholes “until their meds kick in.” They’re sweet, awesome people who have to take meds so they don’t go into a manic state or depressive episode.
Yes, they’ve both had gnarly manic episodes where they were irrational, paranoid, and unable to sleep, and yes, during those times they had no filter and said some less than nice things. But they were very clearly not in their right mind at the time. And what they said during those times was so clearly out of character for each of them.
This seems like a character issue on your H’s part, not a neurochemical one.
BW
DDay Nov 2018
Many previous DDays due to his sex addiction
Hurt me with the truth, but don't comfort me with a lie.
Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.
Gottagetthrough (original poster member #27325) posted at 10:57 AM on Sunday, March 7th, 2021
Thanks all. I swear I don’t think its been this bad for 10 years???
After he was diagnosed and we were reconciling, i used to go to his psychiatrist appointments with him. His psychiatrist told me once, “some people are just assholes. Maybe WH is just an asshole in addition to bipolar “
Wh was of course right there!!
Karmafan ( member #53810) posted at 11:43 AM on Sunday, March 7th, 2021
His psychiatrist told me once, “some people are just assholes. Maybe WH is just an asshole in addition to bipolar “
Classic
Me 48 XWH Irrelevant D-day 23 Feb 163 amazing, resilient kids
You are not a drop in the Ocean, you are the entire Ocean in a drop
jb3199 ( member #27673) posted at 4:16 PM on Sunday, March 7th, 2021
His psychiatrist told me once, “some people are just assholes. Maybe WH is just an asshole in addition to bipolar “
From the very little that I have heard from this psychiatrist, I like him already.
BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married over 30yrs.
All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary PuckettD-Day(s): EnoughAccepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14
Gottagetthrough (original poster member #27325) posted at 1:37 PM on Monday, March 15th, 2021
From the very little that I have heard from this psychiatrist, I like him already
Funny. Wh quit seeing him and goes to a new person now who gives “meds that i tell him i d like to try...hes not as conservative as the last guy”
Um. With last guy you were stable
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