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Every breath I take..why to walk away

Shehawk posted 12/27/2020 11:07 AM

I learned awhile back that to have success I need a why. I am beginning writing a book about why to walk away. My answer is every breath I take.

It's been three years now since I was diagnosed with lyme that was attacking my heart and began to suspect that the stbxch (soon to be ex cheating husband) was an unfaithful history rewriting blame shifting liar whose only true regret was that he got caught before he extracted what he had planned financially before leaving me sick broken and destitute.

His actions and "the groups" he cheated in...his infidelity and lies along with their horrific gaslighting and bullying...almost cost me my life. I can not count the number of times I laid curled up on the floor sobbing thinking of ending my life those first two years. The trauma and the pain was that bad. (This was not the first time he cheated and the circumstances this time were horrifically traumatizing as was the abuse I endured from counselors and others he was recruited to his point of view that he was the victim).

I called the suicide hotline so many times. By some miracle I survived. And as I started to walk out of my life burning down around me from infidelity, I vowed I would return to help others.

So that is my why. Every breath I take free of the abuse of infidelity. Every day away from the evil of lies and deceit. Every day away from the sexual,emotional and spiritual abuse that is infidelity.


The sun is shining on my face. I am on my way to the beach. I wake up every day to kind words. I go to sleep safe. I am in remission at least for today. I am alive.
I survived infidelity.

You can too.

Sending thoughts of peace, healing and joy this holiday season.

BearlyBreathing posted 12/27/2020 12:24 PM

👏. She hawk you are warrior.
So glad to see you not only taking control but manifesting your own future.

Congratulations and I will look forward to your book!

The1stWife posted 12/27/2020 16:24 PM

Im sorry you had to suffer such abuse. Incites had enough. What rise was done is beyond words.

Glad to see things are better.

traicionada posted 12/28/2020 20:21 PM

The sun is shining on my face. I am on my way to the beach. I wake up every day to kind words. I go to sleep safe. I am in remission at least for today. I am alive.
I survived infidelity.

Dear, you didnt survive; you thrived!

homewrecked2011 posted 12/29/2020 10:57 AM

What is also awesome is that people in the site believe us when we tell the crazy-sounding things our WS have done to us/said to us. Its so great to be believed!

Shehawk posted 1/7/2021 12:33 PM

Prior to finding out the ex had a secret second life I would have thought I was crazy if I told people what was actually true..

BobPar posted 1/7/2021 14:34 PM

"the abuse I endured from counselors and others he was recruited to his point of view that he was the victim"

Thank you for sharing this Shehawk. I think I had thought of it as abusive (I recognized it made me angry) but hadn't given it a name. I had the same experience. They are suppose to protect and inherently you feel this. So the abuse is very hurtful. I ultimately had a counsellor not admit that she was wrong, but I got the answer,"how was I supposed to know she was lying to me?" This after telling me I owed it to myself to get off the carousel of crazy I had created.
I intensely share your pain on this one.

[This message edited by BobPar at 2:35 PM, January 7th, 2021 (Thursday)]

fareast posted 1/7/2021 14:40 PM

Bad things happen in our lives. Painful things. Having experienced it, I know that the pain caused by infidelity is so intense and difficult to deal with. But in the end it is our own attitude and determination and resilience in dealing with bad things that paves the way out of the trauma. You have demonstrated immense strength and resilience in the face of emotional abuse. Your journey is an inspiration.

faithfulman posted 1/7/2021 15:19 PM

"the abuse I endured from counselors and others he was recruited to his point of view that he was the victim"
Thank you for sharing this Shehawk. I think I had thought of it as abusive (I recognized it made me angry) but hadn't given it a name. I had the same experience. They are suppose to protect and inherently you feel this. So the abuse is very hurtful. I ultimately had a counsellor not admit that she was wrong, but I got the answer,"how was I supposed to know she was lying to me?" This after telling me I owed it to myself to get off the carousel of crazy I had created.
I intensely share your pain on this one.

This is my first post in this forum, I hope I don't violate any rules.

I also had the same experiences that you had, with therapists attacking or trying to convince me that I was unreasonable while my partner lied.

From what I have seen this is far more common than people realize.

The reliance on therapists to make cheaters do right I find to be completely mistaken and often multiplies the harm done to the betrayed, it is something I warn people about all the time, with limited success.

Worth quoting again:

I ultimately had a counsellor not admit that she was wrong, but I got the answer,"how was I supposed to know she was lying to me?" This after telling me I owed it to myself to get off the carousel of crazy I had created.

Answer: Common fucking sense.

I applaud you Shehawk, for breaking free.

Bobpar: Keep on keepin' strong!

BobPar posted 1/7/2021 17:06 PM

I've been reading your other posts. Thanks for your insight faithfulman.

Shehawk posted 1/23/2021 18:52 PM

Thanks FarEast! Over the past couple of years you weighing in has helped tremendously. Thank you.


Shehawk posted 1/23/2021 19:15 PM

I also had the same experiences that you had, with therapists attacking or trying to convince me that I was unreasonable while my partner lied
.


Really sorry faithful.

I feel like this is an elephant in the counseling room

It feels like victim blaming. Cheaters can be practiced liars and very socially adept so I guess if they fool other people we should not be surprised.

I had a counselor tell me that the chex (cheating ex) said I was abusive and he did not know who to believe. And I had pictures and screenshot...of him drunk with several ea/pa s on his lap AT ONCE Inna hotel room when he was supposedly staying with his mother after her surgery. And the counselor was a bs himself.

I am sick of the whole steaming pile of rugsweeping victim blaming. One marital counselor told me it did not matter if the chex actually had sex with the known pa partner...we should just go on vacation and have a nice time and I should not talk about it..
That little tidbit of advice caused the chex to risk my life because he had in fact had rough unprotected sex with an AP who had an incurable std that she apparently gives away like nsa sex. Took awhile to let that sink in. He risked my life to spare the wayward husband the discomfort of telling the truth. If that is not the therapist being a co abuser I don't know what is.

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