Hi everyone. Sorry for the lack of abbreviations for my story- I'm 44 as is my wife and we have been together 22 years, married 17. Our first daughter was born in 11/06 and right after she was born, for some reason I started to suspect my wife was acting a bit sketchy. I checked the phone records and saw a number she was speaking to every day. For someone anti social and without many friends, I thought it was weird, but she fed me some bullshit about it being a work friend and wife who called to see how she and the baby was.
Since we moved in together in 2001, our relationship I guess could be described as lacking any affection from her and a dead bedroom. I never suspected any cheating because I figured she was kinda asexual. From about 2010 on, I had enough and would look online for woman to have an affair with, but could never act on it. Probably due to my insecurities.
For the last 4 years as the misery continued, I was trying to find a way to leave because nothing was getting better, just worse. A year ago at this time we decided to seperate, only to stay together as my mom was dying. My mom passed in February and that was just the beginning of a great year!! As with alot of people, my business suffered from the Pandemic and we had to shut our doors after 42 years of being in business, and I had to sell my commercial property. (Did not get nearly enough) At this time I told my wife that with all the loss, I was ready to leave the marriage and start new. She promised me to give her until the end of the year to make the decision.
During this argument in October, I finally got my wife to admit to cheating. It was a just one time thing, co worker, had sex once, just playing like high school kids. It was back before I got pregnant. Yeah right, I thought. My wife also has had a problem with lying our entire relationship, small, big, it doesn't matter. Over the next few weeks, I tried to get her to tell me the truth but she insisted that she was. Finally about 10 days ago, I told her that she needed to write out the whole story of the affair, as I needed to know the truth to consider healing and to know that the first step in telling the truth would be done. What I got was lies, name was wrong, dates were wrong, sex still once, no oral even thought she admitted prior she had. She swore on our kids lives it was the truth.
Last Sunday I finally told my wife that she needed to contact the other woman and come clean as I need to see her do something that requires effort. She refused as she didn't want to mess up his family. At that point I knew how she felt about our marriage, I told her it was over and I contacted the other woman. The other woman had found out about the affair in 2007, confronted her husband and my wife, and it ended. The other wife never contacted me to tell me. I guess in 2016, he had a mental breakdown and came clean that it was 3 or 4 times, always with condom, and sometimes in my house after my daughter was born. He told my wife they started having sex after my wife was pregnant with my child. I was destroyed and confronted my wife. She sorted came clean, but only after I had the information and tested her with it. Two days of information overload, entire range of emotions, totally emasculated because she had more sex in 12 months with this guy than we had to three or four years combined. The other wife and I started to question the paternity of my daughter and I ran to the drugstore, took the test with my daughter (told her it was for 23 and me), and mailed it away. That brought me to Wednesday am. My wife starts having a panic attack and she proceeds to tell me that before she got pregnant, she had a drunken one night stand unprotected at a friend's boyfriend's house with someone she didn't or doesn't know. Wow. Good thing my bday is the next day!
At this point she goes to work, and as I am home with the kids, I quietly destroy everything I bought her or we got together. I blow up her FB and within minutes, my friends and family are calling and reaching out. I tell everyone everything. It feels so good to get it out and ruin her life!! I tell my wife I am going to tell her parents and she says she will tell the first.
Thursday is XMas Eve, my bday. We aren't speaking. I'm looking to move out after the holidays, but I tell her she needs to leave as I am home with the kids doing remote learning and until I find a new job, she can leave. At this point she has another panic attack, and proceeds to tell me that her father told her she needs to come clean with everything and get it out there. So she then proceeds to tell me that about a year after we got married, she would blow one of my ex coworkers for weed, because I would always limit how much she got or smoked. I guess it happened a few times. Then after her affair ended, she would sometime blow a salesman at the dealership she worked at for weed as well. I guess when our second was born (looks exactly like me), she decided to stop everything and be a good wife. Except she never was.
Sorry for going on soo long. After she came clean the other day, It took me a bit to realize that she maybe did just make the first step. I'm not at committed to divorce as I was a few days ago, but we both are going to spend a couple of nights a week at our parents house and start keeping distance as we both work through MC and IC. I don't know how I would respect myself in the future if I reconcile. I really fell like this is just all different things testing me and its time to not only take the tests, but fucking ace them. Help if you got it