SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

By the way, "blowing guys for weed" is bullshit.

Nobody is prostituting for weed. She never had $5 - $10 bucks? Give me a fucking break.

If she is really prostituting for drugs, then it was for Meth, Coke, opiates, something like that.

I think a more likely scenario is she just wanted to blow the guys and then she smoked weed with them or accepted weed gifts from them afterwards.

Possibly in her twisted mind, saying she only did the sex acts with other men for recompense, and not because she wanted to, is better.

I get it. I was in such a fog and because we logistically couldn't physically separate until today, I was wondering what I was going to do. Many of my friends don't know the depth of her disgusting acts. I cannot and will not continue living with someone so vile. I do sorta believe her that she stopped a while ago, but at this point it doesn't really matter anymore. Just like the pending results. It's something I need to know for myself and my future sanity, but I know it will make no difference how I see my now future ex. Hopefully I start my IC tomorrow.

I know many of you say to not seek out other women until I get right or get past this trauma. But I think it's something I need to heal this trauma. Our state is pretty much locked down (I don't really care that it is) so if I am going to spend time virtual dating or getting to know someone via Zoom or Facetime, I think it's the perfect time and circumstance to do it.

After spending years browsing the reddit boards, I kinda knew what was ahead of me, but until it happens to you, I guess you never know. Like losing a parent, child, or spouse. I was told to come here for advice and to post to the forum. For a while, I wish I hadn't, but sometimes you need to be hit upside the head to wake up. Thanks

I know many of you say to not seek out other women until I get right or get past this trauma. But I think it's something I need to heal this trauma. Our state is pretty much locked down (I don't really care that it is) so if I am going to spend time virtual dating or getting to know someone via Zoom or Facetime, I think it's the perfect time and circumstance to do it.

If you're willing to use other people to spackle up the holes in your life, what makes you different from your cheater??? That's the most common defect we see in a cheater's character... the inability to self-validate resulting in a dependence on external sources for validation. This is largely why cheaters cheat. Lord knows, some innocent woman out looking for companionship doesn't need the hot mess that is your life dumped in her lap, because you aren't healthy, not for yourself and not for anyone else. When you're looking for someone else's genitals to fix your feelings, you're engaged in the EXACT behavior of your cheater.

I'm not trying to be hard on you. Believe me, we all get it. Those feelings are NORMAL. But we don't act on them. Instead, we lean into our feelings of grief and loss, dig deep, and learn to depend on ourselves. YOU are enough. And it's not until you realize that you truly are enough that you will start feeling whole again. It takes time and it's uncomfortable, but what you're planning doesn't work because you're becoming part of the problem rather than the part of the solution. When you lean into an unhealthy coping mechanism which doesn't differentiate you from your cheater, you're simply conferring your emotional dependence onto someone else. It's not until you become emotionally self-reliant that you'll begin to feel like your life is once more in your control.

The other reason you shouldn't even try to date right now is that you are going to be a mess for a few months ; noone who is mentally sane wants to start a relationship with a guy who is two days out of a LTR.

If you jump into OLD you will just attract damaged people predators more drama and more pain . Is that what you need right now ?

Try the sanity pathway: exercise therapy leaning on family and friends prayer meditation pets healthy hobbies etc

Im sorry you are hurting , everything passes over before you know it , even grief . Hang in there

Why... the f*ck...would you even think of considering the possibility of reconciling with this monster?