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Apparently there is a time limit on healing from their affairs

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fooled13years posted 11/4/2020 07:35 AM


I have to tell you that I am usually a very organized person with her self in order and at this moment I am so out of control that I don't recognize myself

With all that has happened and is happening in your life I can't think of anyone who would be dealing with this better than you are right now.

I wish I had wiser and more comforting words for you but I would like to point out that it is your life.

Be strong and know that there are complete strangers who are rooting for your success.

Westway posted 11/4/2020 08:49 AM

I think once your dissolution goes through and the marriage is ended, you will gain a different perspective. That idea of one day reexploring the relationship and remarrying will most likely dissolve, once you find that there are good, decent men out there who are attracted to you and honestly want to hang out with you.

At this point you assume your options are limited, but that is just because you have not broken your bond to your ex-husband.

Thrownaway29 posted 11/6/2020 19:03 PM

I haven't premised anything. I already know that I won't even consider trying if I don't see major changes made and maintained. I know that some people are reading my story and thinking is she making this up... because it really is that bizarre. But on top of everything else the girlfriend was exposed to covid in her college class and exposed the STBXH. He was here for several days with what he said was just a cold.... Then last Sunday he says he is getting tested just to be sure. The truth was that she had told him that she was exposed but he didn't bother to share that. So you guessed it he tested positive which then means that our son and I are now quarantined so I can't go to my mom's burial tomorrow or have my biopsy on Monday without a negative test. So I spent several hours finding somewhere to do a test quick enough to still allow my biopsy. Finally found one got both of us tested, rescheduled the burial (because she was cremated we have time), and now have to wait until tomorrow for my results. I can't thank everyone of you enough for all of your support. I hate that anyone of us had to go through this at the same time it is nice that other people know what we are doing through.

Thrownaway29 posted 11/7/2020 20:15 PM

Because life can't just go right, my test came back positive for covid. So I can not have my biopsy on Monday. Please tell me that at some point this will start getting better.

fareast posted 11/7/2020 21:28 PM


((((Hugs)))) So sorry to read of your positive test results. Please take care. Get healthy. Sometimes when going through a storm, all you can do is keep going! Sending you positive vibes!

BearlyBreathing posted 11/7/2020 21:36 PM

Ugh. That sucks. Take care and you can get the biopsy in a couple weeks. Itís just a delay.sending healing your way.

Thrownaway29 posted 11/9/2020 22:01 PM

Thank you all for the support. It means so much to know others understand. My biopsy is scheduled a couple of weeks out. Hope it goes as planned this time!!

leafields posted 11/9/2020 22:11 PM

Hang in there - you can do this! You are brave, you are strong, and tomorrow is another day.

Stinger posted 11/9/2020 22:51 PM

No fool like an old fool. Your husband is a POS.

Thrownaway29 posted 11/15/2020 08:49 AM

Leafless thank you for the kind words. Some days I feel like I have it all together and others I know I don't, but the days of having it together are happening more often so I know I am moving in the right direction.

Stinger yes I would agree that he is certainly a fool. I don't think that i know everything but I certainly could see that relationship wasn't going anywhere good. And I have been treated in ways which are deplorable by him. Ways that the "real" man I married would not have ever done. I am currently working my way through this one day at a time. And my main focus has to be my son.

I need to get this biopsy done, scheduled now for the 23rd, as long as my next covid test comes back negative. I hope with everything in me that it is negative. Then I can mark that off my list of things that I am worried about.

I have the dissolution papers drafted and ready to be agreed to and filed. In this situation, I have to end this marriage to ensure financial security for my son and I. With these papers filed and the marriage ended, the AP can take anything he has but not touch anything that would affect us.

It may sound strange but I haven't said no to watching and seeing if he truly sees what he has done as wrong and works to try to fix the things he has done. But I also have not made any promises about being back together. The only thing in regards to our relationship that I have said it for sure happening is the dissolution. Sorry for the long post it helps me keep things in perspective.

CallingSpades posted 11/15/2020 20:38 PM

Hoping for the very best for you with COVID and your biopsy and your mom's burial. That is such a lot to deal with at once and you are amazing. Know that you are setting an unbelievably great example for your son.

Your XWH may have been in denial, but he had to know deep down that it wasn't a cold, and he exposed you anyway. And your SON. I can't even begin to imagine any good reason for him to have done this. Please don't look back. He's just not safe.

[This message edited by CallingSpades at 8:40 PM, November 15th, 2020 (Sunday)]

Thrownaway29 posted 11/20/2020 15:09 PM

Got retested for covid yesterday to see if I can do the biopsy on Monday. Test came back positive again and I learned from the nurse who did the test that could happen for up to 90 days from the first positive. But I have spoken to the surgeons office and since I am past the quarantine period they will still do it. So Monday morning I will be having my biopsy.

STBXH took the day off work to stay with our son while I am having the biopsy. He would like to go with me but I am not comfortable with that so I said no. I have strong boundaries up and I haven't made any promises about anything. It's up to him to come to the table and give the information that I need and to do the work. I don't know how I will feel until I have the information. So I guess we will see. But regardless we will not be married so if I don't get what I need I will just end the situation.

Thrownaway29 posted 11/22/2020 22:38 PM

My biopsy is in the morning. I am very nervous and this is my first major medical situation alone. I have people supporting me but this is the first time for this without my husband. Only adds more stress. I just need to get it over with and hopefully get results of no cancer.

AnnieOakley posted 11/23/2020 00:38 AM

Hi Thrown,

I saw you mention your biopsy and wanted to let you know I have had 3 and they were all negative results. I am small/dense breasted. My last one my surgeon said...well, when the next one comes along we will really need to decide what you want to do based on your history. I honestly put off my mammogram for 15 months because I really didnít want to deal with it! But it was all clear a few weeks ago! Woot.

The needle ones are really not a big deal, but I did have a surgical one as well. A good soft sports bra for support, an ice pack, and extra Advil and I bet you will feel better in a few days. I donít think I even took the pain meds but I know I filled the prescription in case.

Sending hugs for good results!

Thrownaway29 posted 11/23/2020 02:28 AM

Annie thank you! It's good to hear from someone that has had biopsies. As I know you understand, it's more about the results you are waiting for than the actual procedure. I watched a video about the biopsy so that I would know what is going to happen. I am getting ready to head to the hospital now. Thanks again for sharing your experiences!!! I am very glad things have always came back negative for you!!!!

CaliforniaNative posted 11/23/2020 09:22 AM

I too had a lot thrown at me after my d day. My house burned down, my dog died... it was a miserable time. However almost two years after my divorce I am happy and doing really well. I donít talk to the ex anymore. I am living life as drama free as possible now and plan to keep it that way. I almost crave it. I dated a lot and met a lot of incredible men. I have rebuilt my home, got a new dog, reconnected with old friends. Life is good.

You are a rise from the ashes kind of girl. I know it.

survrus posted 11/23/2020 11:30 AM


At his age he should be giving that girl advice or helping her with her college homework. Shame on him.

Has this affair been exposed, please let the girls father etc know.

The1stWife posted 11/24/2020 05:04 AM

Hoping everything went smoothly with your biopsy and you get good results.

Once you get past this I hope you find some new strength within you to move forward with your life.

And if it were me, the fact he exposed you to COVID-19 would be the last straw. He cannot even be honest about that?! That shows his true character.

Heís not to be trusted. Period.

Thankfully you did not have serious consequences as a result of COVID. He put you in a potentially very serious health crisis. What a selfish jerk.

Thrownaway29 posted 11/24/2020 17:20 PM

Yes the biopsy went well. Well as good as a biopsy can go i guess. Lol. I won't get the results until next week. Have an appointment next week to sign the dissolution papers. Going tomorrow to move titles around to match the paperwork. Haven't slowed down with getting things done. Almost everything is done so when we go to court it will be a quick process hopefully. I will get this stuff done. I have to start my new normal!!!!

Thrownaway29 posted 12/7/2020 05:30 AM

We signed the dissolution papers last Thursday. Everything starts to become real, Not that I wasn't seeing it before but he certainly wasn't. He wanted me to cancel the appointment and I said no. So in about 30 days or so we will have our court date to finalize everything. I need the security of the legal division of property to make sure that I have what I need to provide for our son. Not that I am saying he doesn't need to provide for him but with the division of everything I know no matter what he does I will be able to without him. So if he decides to run off with the tramp we can just wave goodbye as they go.

This morning I go get my biopsy results. Hoping for the best. Because I really need something good to happen!

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