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Reconciliation :
Thankful Thursday

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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 4:23 PM on Thursday, July 7th, 2022

Another Thankful Thursday is HERE grin !! I am so THANKFUL to see another POSITIVE story in the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" thread...THANK YOU Omnipicus!! Just ELEVEN more...and we can turn that page...just like we are going to do with this one today...woohoo!!

I am so THANKFUL to read those really GOOD posts from last week's thread too smile .

This0is0Fine...what a BLESSING it is to be able to be with your Mom...and having the trust to have your wife be by herself for a few days smile . I'm saddened to read that your friend had infidelity enter their life...but how GOOD it is that you were able to help him!

MIgander...we LOVE picking strawberries too grin !! Of course...there are festivals for EVERYTHING here...including the annual strawberry festival laugh . That happens in April though...by this time of the year it is too HOT for them! But we sure do get to ENJOY them from our northern friends with them still coming to our grocery stores smile . Thank you for your kind words smile . I TRULY like to read your posts as well...and one day I WILL post in that thread of yours in the Wayward Forum!! That is one of the BEST threads I have seen in a while grin .

Ladybugmaam...what an AWESOME post...thank you so much for sharing it grin . I must say...your post from last week belongs in its own thread...AND in the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" thread that is pinned at the TOP of this Forum smile . You have written several threads about the not-so-nice stuff going through R brings. Why not try your hand at writing a POSITIVE one blink ??? When you post your thread in the R Forum...you just need to copy and paste that post into the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" thread blink . In THAT thread...it will stay on MUCH longer than your thread will...and you can revisit it whenever you want smile .

I KNOW...it seems awkward to write positively about something when so many people are HURTING. But we NEED the positive stuff too on here...so people can read for themselves that there is HOPE smile . You bring words to LIFE...I can FEEL them...and I hurt with you in the painful posts you write (((HUGS))). But THIS post...it made me SMILE...teeth and all grin !!! There WILL BE more painful posts to write...R isn't linear. But I am looking forward to when your POSITIVE posts outdo the painful ones!!

Tanner...ahhh Coozann...you are so sweet...thank you smile . YOU did it though Cuz! R is HARD...but you found a way to start on that path all by yourself smile . I was just a little ahead of you on it...so we get to encourage each other! Our spouses benefit too...WIN-WIN all around grin !!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6340   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8743667
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Grieving ( member #79540) posted at 9:24 PM on Thursday, July 7th, 2022

I’m thankful that my husband and I are moving ahead in reconciliation. July 3rd two years ago was the day I found out all my suspicions (and then some) were true. The anniversary actually escaped my mind on July third this year, partly because both of us were pretty sick with Covid. The date hit me the next morning, and I had a bunch of feelings, but they came with the sense that things are a lot better for us overall at this point. Each of us now has an IC, and they both seem good, so I’m also very grateful for that. And thankful that we managed not to pass Covid on to our kids or especially to my elderly mother in law who lives with us.

I’m also grateful for our wonderful public library and for extra time to read in the summer.

There’s much to be thankful for.

Married for 20 years with two kids when my husband had a six month affair with a coworker. DD1: 6/2020. DD2: 7/3/2020. Reconciling

posts: 282   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2021
id 8743721
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 11:05 PM on Friday, July 8th, 2022

Ladybugmaam...I saw what you did there...THANK YOU grin !!!

Grieving...I am so HAPPY y'all are doing better smile . I AGREE...there is so MUCH to be thankful for smile !!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6340   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8743954
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MIgander ( member #71285) posted at 2:17 PM on Thursday, July 14th, 2022

I am thankful today that we're able to recover from rough nights of arguing. That we are learning to reconnect and have fun as well as feeling down and working on issues. Or in the case of our "great" Tuesday blow up, I'm learning to swallow my hurt and frustration and apologize for the utter garbage one-liner I leveled at my H during our tussle. I'm not lying via apology to appease him any more (I meant what I said and am mostly proud of how I said it). For that I'm proud of myself.

I'm thankful that we're working this out- even if H's heart isn't caught up with his head, I am learning to see his withdrawals and wall building as a sign that I've managed to break through his defenses and actually touch his heart. He opens it so briefly, but when he allows himself to do that, it's a sign that I've been doing the work I need to do to be a W to him again.

I'm thankful for my ability to stay home and do my job (for like 90% of the time!) and my ability to hang out with the kids this summer and make time for them in the late afternoons. And find time to snuggle and love on them (briefly) between meetings during the day. I'm thankful that I'm doing my job to make myself obsolete by insisting they learn to cook mac and cheese. Even if they pester me with questions while presenting on a call! Basically everyone I work with knows I've got kids who are learning to feed themselves now laugh . Makes WFH more fun too- and helps the team connect too! Also got to witness DD and DS work together as a team unprompted. DD loves mac n cheese and was making it for herself when DH came upstairs hungry. DD hates picking up the pot full of hot water and draining the noodles. DH came over and put on our ridiculously large oven mitts and proceeded to do it for her. WOW! What a guy! What a team! And then they went and ate the whole box laugh

I'm also thankful that my son is showing initiative. We bought him one of those foam mattresses that come compressed in a box (he's almost as tall as me and needs a Q bed now!! Holy cow he's growing up!). The thing was heavy and awkward, but he was excited and determined to sleep on it that night. H was gone for work, I was tied up in meetings and told him I'd help him later that afternoon when I was done. He couldn't wait that long and dragged the whole heavy awkward thing upstairs. Then he opened it, read the instructions, unfurled the mattress and set up his bed on it. Also moved his original twin mattress out of his room, down the stairs and put it by the basement so H could store it. All without me asking him, all without any help or input for me. His confidence was huge after that and he was so pleased with himself grin

I'm thankful that I've got a great pair of kids, a family that is coming back together and starting to heal and a chance to have a real family life- despite how I blew it up with my A and lost it. I'm thankful that I'm showing my kids how to recover and rebuild after massively screwing up. How it's ok to get help and it's ok not to feel good or pretend to be perfect all the time. That it's good to get coached on how to handle life and emotions.

I'm thankful that I've been blessed with the opportunity to make things right and really humbled by having the opportunity to build a loving family at all. It's a very unearned gift.

WW/BW Dday July 2019. BH/WH- multiple EA's. Back at it again- bantering w the younger woman. Lied about blocking phone calls and deleted texts. Carried on with her. Financial infidelity again- who says you only cheat with lovers?

posts: 899   ·   registered: Aug. 15th, 2019   ·   location: Michigan
id 8744621
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 3:06 PM on Thursday, July 14th, 2022

Aww shaaa smile !! MIgander ... that was a VERY impressive post ... THANKS for sharing grin !! NONE of us can go BACK ... but you are showing that moving forward ... you are going to make the BEST of life ... for you AND your family ... and that is a WONDERFUL thing to witness Dear Lady!

MY Thankful Thursday today is that this is the LAST Thursday of my 8th A season ... Thank You God grin !! I DID IT Y'ALL!!! I found some JOY in EVERY DAY ... and some days it lasted into the next ... woohoo!!

I am very THANKFUL for the friends and FAMILY I have on this site smile . Y'all have helped ME so much through this year's A season ... and MANY times before!! I am forever GRATEFUL for y'alls insights and perspectives grin !!

I am so very THANKFUL for my H who has put up ... AGAIN ... with some of my questions regarding this AWFUL time in his life that he would really just want to put BEHIND him. Yet he stays right with me ... answering some very uncomfortable questions ... knowing it could cause me to fall right into an abyss of PAIN. I KNOW he will get me out of it ... and that is pretty cool to feel that I can TRUST him again smile . We're doing really well ... and WE love our LIFE together ... Thank You God grin !

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6340   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8744630
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 8:55 PM on Thursday, July 14th, 2022

MIGander I’m thankful for your contributions all over SI. The WS here opened my eyes to understanding some of the things my W said and did after Dday. I’m thankful there is a place for you here.

t/j

I'm thankful that we're working this out- even if H's heart isn't caught up with his head

This resonates with me, Marriage is hard and takes work, but trying to R in a M is like riding two bikes at the same time, it takes balance and coordination 😀 it took us a while to separate the two, my W would burn dinner or forget something at the store and fall to pieces, thinking I’m going to D. I had to stop using the A as a weapon against her. We had to level her up in the M.

If she’s upset with me about something, I want her to have the confidence to communicate it, not bury it while she walks on eggshells. I hope that makes sense, we work on typical M stuff, and we work on healing and growing from infidelity, without trying to bring one into the other. It has really helped us.

End t/j

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R
BH M 31 years

posts: 2031   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8744681
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 9:06 PM on Thursday, July 14th, 2022

My Thankful Thursday is that today is Adoption Day. 12 years ago today we finalized the adoption of our twin boys. We had legal custody since they were 8 weeks old but it took over a year to finalize the adoption and make the name changes official.

When they were babies strangers would comment to me "they look just like you", or "you can’t deny them!". Oh yes I can 🤣

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R
BH M 31 years

posts: 2031   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8744686
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 5:20 PM on Thursday, July 21st, 2022

My Thankful Thursday is for a much needed break. Our Boys have autism and one is severe. He is a 3 year old in a 13 year olds body. His behavior is pretty bad and is very impulsive. We cannot go out in public together very often because of his behavior.

At the same time our Granddaughters are driving my daughter crazy. She needs a break. We have done a kid exchange for a couple days. It’s a win win, it’s still a crazy mess but I’ll take different crazy for a change 🤣

This morning I was getting ready to leave and my granddaughter asked if she could go lay by Mimi I said sure Mimi will love that and give kisses. Before she got in the bed she asked her if PawPaw farts in the bed. She said "no why?" "Because I’m not getting in the bed if pawpaw farts in it".

That was a truthful answer, when I 180 my WW and focused on self care I lost 50 lbs and got in the best shape of my life. I decided to always present myself in the best light, including my appearance. It’s now habit, I’m not doing it for her it’s for me. I always try to look and present by best to my W. I fix my hair first thing and I haven’t farted in front of her in over 2 years. This is one of the losses she suffered after Dday 🤣🤣😀

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R
BH M 31 years

posts: 2031   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8745673
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MIgander ( member #71285) posted at 5:46 PM on Thursday, July 21st, 2022

HAHAH! No farting in bed gpa! That is so sweet! Little kids are the best.

I am thankful for the good advice and help here, for my IC/MC and friends who actually want to hang out with me (now that I've finally started reaching out to them again laugh ).

I'm thankful that more open and direct communication is happening in my M.

I'm thankful that my dog is happy and healthy and such a sweet little love bug floof. Two of my friends are losing their floofs to old age and it reminds me how precious the time is we get to share with our little fur angels.

I'm thankful for my garden growing so well this year and the fig tree that has 7 figs on it! Just a little stick of a thing brought over from Malta when H's grandma emigrated here. It's satisfying knowing that I've been up to the challenge of helping a tricky tender plant thrive here in MI. It's also satisfying to know that I'm caring for a bit of family legacy that I can hopefully pass to my kids.

WW/BW Dday July 2019. BH/WH- multiple EA's. Back at it again- bantering w the younger woman. Lied about blocking phone calls and deleted texts. Carried on with her. Financial infidelity again- who says you only cheat with lovers?

posts: 899   ·   registered: Aug. 15th, 2019   ·   location: Michigan
id 8745679
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 2:37 AM on Friday, July 22nd, 2022

laugh laugh laugh
That's a FUNNY story right there Tanner laugh !!!

Because I wanted to know EVERYTHING...I asked my H if the adultery co-conspirator ever farted in front of him. He said NO. I asked if he farted in front of her. OF COURSE! That thought of her holding in her farts every time they were together...while he was ripping them out...made me laugh laugh !!

GOOD for y'all with y'alls child exchange grin !!!

OMG MIgander...that is so COOL about the fig tree!!! A legacy plant to pass on...how wonderful!! Thanks for sharing that...along with all of your other posts to be thankful for today smile !!

MY Thankful Thursday post for today is FIRST...my 8th A season is OVER...woohoo!! It wasn't all that bad this year either...something else to be THANKFUL for smile . AND...I was able to mow my grass before the afternoon rain came...Thank You God grin . Last but certainly not LEAST...my H and I are back together after almost a week apart...and it feels sooooooo GOOD!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6340   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8745767
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 3:37 AM on Friday, July 22nd, 2022

My W has complained that I’m not being authentic because I don’t fart in front of her anymore. This is the new and improved Tanner and yes, she is missing out 🤣

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R
BH M 31 years

posts: 2031   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8745772
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 3:46 PM on Friday, July 22nd, 2022

This IS the authentic you now Coozann laugh . I do believe she is missing out too. Isn't it weird how our Waywards now MISS what they had before with us...including farts!! I still fart in front of my H laugh ...but I sure don't accept just HIS ways now. I can CHOOSE to accept...but my H knows it isn't a GIVEN like it was before. Oddly...my H seems to be happier this way...go figure duh !!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6340   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8745880
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 2:27 PM on Thursday, July 28th, 2022

I am posting in this thread with a heavy heart this morning after reading about the loss of a child from one of our members here in the "Off Topic" Forum crying .

I know that there is ALWAYS something to be THANKFUL for. With that in mind...I am so THANKFUL for the people that God allowed in my life...even if it was for some brief moments in time. I have come to feel that I have great FRIENDS and FAMILY on here too...and y'all are truly BLESSINGS to me as well smile .

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6340   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8747498
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 5:05 PM on Thursday, July 28th, 2022

After seeing that update I’m really emotional today. There is no other place in cyber space that I have spent so many hours, tears and prayers on. This is truly a family of strangers.

I’ve always said I hate that any of us had to find SI, but so thankful we did.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R
BH M 31 years

posts: 2031   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8747517
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This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 5:08 PM on Thursday, July 28th, 2022

I think with all the heat going on, I'm going to be thankful for the refrigeration cycle today. I understand that overall ACs are increasing entropy and require us to use more electricity, but I'll be damned if I'm not cranked to full right now.

Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.

posts: 2174   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2019
id 8747518
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Grieving ( member #79540) posted at 7:45 PM on Thursday, July 28th, 2022

Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that about one of the members here. What a terrible load of grief to bear.

It makes me even more grateful for what I was going to post about today, which is that I’m grateful for a couple of early morning hours paddle boarding with my younger daughter on a nearby river this morning. She starts high school this fall, but she was so excited to get up early and try out our new paddle boards with me. We had an amazing time.

Married for 20 years with two kids when my husband had a six month affair with a coworker. DD1: 6/2020. DD2: 7/3/2020. Reconciling

posts: 282   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2021
id 8747539
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Grieving ( member #79540) posted at 11:35 AM on Thursday, August 4th, 2022

I am thankful today as I head back into the school year that I have smaller class sizes than I’ve ever had before. It makes such a huge difference in the amount of attention and support I can give each kid. Freshman orientation night, here I come! With cookies!

Married for 20 years with two kids when my husband had a six month affair with a coworker. DD1: 6/2020. DD2: 7/3/2020. Reconciling

posts: 282   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2021
id 8748193
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 6:09 PM on Thursday, August 4th, 2022

ENJOY your new class Grieving!

Today I am thankful for a much needed vacation grin !!! One of the perks of being empty nesters is we get to schedule vacation time...ANYTIME grin !!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6340   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8748213
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 3:53 AM on Friday, August 5th, 2022

Grieving here’s to a new school year!! 🍻

W2BHA here’s to some vacation time together 🍻

I’m thankful for simplifying our lives. We have really made drastic changes that I will share in more detail one day. I will just say Thursdays are the new Friday in our life.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R
BH M 31 years

posts: 2031   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8748267
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WTAF ( member #79274) posted at 7:52 PM on Saturday, August 6th, 2022

I am thankful for our new granddaughter, and for the new memories being made. It was a long few days waiting for updates and for her birth. The time H and I spent together during the waiting, was so very precious to me. We took goodies to the hospital for Son and DIL, passed along updates to the family, and just enjoyed the anticipation together.

For me, it added a lot to the good memories column. So many of what I previously considered special times and memories feel lost to me because they happened during an inauthentic period of our relationship, shadowed by lies and shitty behavior. I have had this sense of needing to make up for the ruined times and trying to overshadow the bad with the good.

Making new memories and the celebration of the beginning of a new phase in our lives together was exactly what my heart needed.

posts: 119   ·   registered: Aug. 13th, 2021   ·   location: All up in my feelings
id 8748549
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