Matt, Sorry you are here!
We argued and she walked out I told her that if she went to him not to return.
She went straight to his Ouse and stayed the night. I was devastated but had my answer. The following day she arrived back home saying it had been an awful mistake. I asked if they had sex she said no, after a while she told me that they had slept together but because he didn’t climax it didn’t count.
Don't believe her, they did have sex!
I mean even if nothing happened (and I doubt that) going there and planing to do it should be at the same level of actually doing it!
Never believe a cheater!
She has nuked your marriage by starting an affair and spending the night at another man's house, given her self and body to him.
And she didn't care of any consequences, why is that?
Usually people hide their affairs and do things secretly, but she did it in front of you, without care!
Does she have no fear that you will do something about it?!
She returned and you didn't do any thing to make her face any consequences!
Listen to me, it seems to me that she is running the show, and you are just waiting on the side for her to make up her mind. you let her take control of the marriage and call the shots while you are standing in shock and disbelieve of what she did with this scumbag!
You are analyzing this guy and focusing on who he is and comparing your self to him, it doesn't work that way in affairs!
You need to be decisive and take leadership in the relationship failing to do so from the moment you found out about them made her realize that you are not going anywhere, and will not do any thing, and that my friend will make here lose more attraction to you and makes you look weak, so be decisive and take control!
You are failing to hold her accountable for her actions, that will make you look weak compared to that young dude she is banging, don't do that!
You need to show her actions and make her face server consequences for her poor choices, or you will be in for a nasty ride for the rest of your life!
Don't do the pick me dance, it will backfire on you and make you look extremely weak.
Don't market your worth to her and show her you are better than her affair partner, you are not in a competition with him, you are already her husband and for 25+ years!
Don't try to nice her back, it will not work!
Be decisive and take actions!
Shock her! Serve her with divorce papers at work, the process will take time, in this time you can decide if you want to go through it or reconcile (your choice), the divorce papers is important to create a time frame for her to see if she is willing to do the work and fix the damage she has done, if not, you already started the process!
Expose her to every one, or her family side at least.
Don't be like many betrayed spouses who were weak and never took actions and stayed in hell for years, the damage to your mental and physical health will be huge, and at you age I wouldn't gamble on that!
After 25 years she does that!
A complete disrespect for you and for the marriage that lasted this long!
Is that her first affair?
She seems to go for what she wants, and not care about any thing!
Judging from her character, I wouldn't be surprised if she had previous affairs that you don't know about!
I would DNA the kids (even if you know they are %100 yours) just to show her how she broke the trust after 25 years, and nothing in the 25 years is true anymore!
Buddy, you are worthy of being happy and respected, know your worth and value your self, once you do that, you will know you deserve better than her!
[This message edited by Kaliber at 6:21 AM, September 18th (Friday)]