Thank you for taking the time to read this in advance, I will try to shorten it as much as I can.
I'm a 36 male and my soon to be ex-wife is 35. We met in high school and started dating (19 years ago). Yes, we were high school sweethearts...we moved in together shortly after she graduated from high school. We have no children and really didn't want any as we were young and struggling financially. I worked most of the time and she was in school. Everything seemed fine, I loved her very much. I proposed to her a few years later in New Orleans and she accepted. We never set a date, but within a couple of years we would marry and spend the rest of our lives together.
During this time, we were renting a house and I was working overnight. She was about to finish her first degree. Seemed to be going good, but I noticed recently that she started getting a lot of texts on her phone. We had always had an open relationship, so I asked her-she said it was a cousin that I hadn't met (I knew all of her family, I didn't have any family to speak of). Thinking this was odd I grabbed her phone while she was in the shower (getting ready to have sex) and was floored. "I love you baby" and "sweet dreams baby" was all I could read before my heart sank.
I confronted her when she stepped out, she denied everything. I was mad and left to go cool off. I came back an hour later and she was crying in the kitchen-she then came clean that it was a mutual friend from high school and that they were having an emotional affair (not physical). It lasted a couple of weeks. He was already married with children. She stopped it immediately and apologized and seemed remorseful. I missed a day of work as I cried for a couple of days-I was devastated. It took a few years to forgive her, but I finally did, and we were married in 2012.
I was still working and now she was also after graduating. We moved into a new apartment...a fresh, new start. She decided to go back for another degree and worked at the same time. I was also in school and working. There seemed to be no more problems. At the end of 2019, she graduated and decided to become a travel technician, in which I would go along with her (with our one house cat). I was also laid off at this time from a company I had been with for over six years-they went bankrupt. In January of this year we left for her first contract, Austin, TX (400 miles away). We sold, donated or gave away everything we had, as we were going to become minalmists to help pay down the student loan debt we had occurred over the years. Sold one of our vehicles, books, TV, couch, everything except a few boxes of keepsakes and our newer car.
We packed up what we had, along with our cat, and I drove to Austin. It was an odd thing, to find a short term place to stay with a pet (the company usually provides this as per the contract). We ended up at a cheap motel that accepted pets, no oven, no kitchen. It was...difficult to say the least. It was a big adjustment for both of us. Then Covid hit and I ended up getting it. I was out for a week in bed, but recovered fine.
I started drinking more than, as I missed my old way of life and having a hard time adjusting to our new situation. We were both drinking heavily one night and got into a fight. I said SOMETHING that upset her and she told me she wished I would go and commit suicide as I held her hair from the toilet. Something changed then, but our anniversary was coming up and it seemed everything was fine. A couple of weeks later, the company canceled the contract due to Covid, so I drove us back home to stay with her mother. It took three weeks for her to find another contract in the middle of Arizona (1,300 miles away). We packed up and I drove us there. It was wonderful...a five star villa with mountain views, housekeeping every week, fire pits, pools, spas, etc. It was much better than Austin and we felt good about it. She worked the day shift, while I went to school, as I was almost done with my degree.
A few weeks pass, and she says she is going out with some new friends that she worked with. I went out and bought chips and wine for them to have a "girl's night out." She came home later and said she had fun. The next week, she wanted another night out, so she went, but never texted me anything (again, we had open communication of our whereabouts and what we are doing). She got home at 1AM, half drunk. I was disappointed to say the least, but didn't want to fight then. She had to be at work in four hours, so she went to bed.
When she came home that evening from work, she sat down and said, "I'm leaving you...we married the wrong person." My heart sank yet again...I spent the next week pleading, begging and crying. She never told me anything else, but that she needed time to think, some space and that one of us had to go. The next morning, I took our car to get new tires, new brakes and an oil change, then drove us to Phoenix so I could catch a plane ride home...to a place that no longer exists (we broke the lease to our apartment one month after renewing it-$4,500 still owed). I cried the entire time flying-I had a duffle bag with some clothes and a ten year old laptop to my name...A friend picked me up at the airport and has let me stay with him until I get something better.
I felt terrible that first week...I just knew I had did something or didn't do something that caused all this pain and sadness that I felt. I cried all day...there was no contact between us. I was alone for the first time in my adult life, with no degree, no job, no car, no house...nothing.
I was paying bills one morning and we had the cell phone bill due, so I logged in to pay it...I had a few messages here and there (mostly from her), but she had over 1,000, mostly from the same number. I did a reverse lookup and social media search...that's when I knew she was having another affair. He was just like me in almost every way (eye and hair color, same age, same build, same hobbies), but I guess better....
A week later, Hurricane Laura's eyewall hits a couple of miles from us-no power, no running water (we are on a pump well), no food except one case of MREs for twelve days. We couldn't even drive to get supplies, as there were so many trees blocked the roads. She didn't even call or text to see if I was alive or dead.
She was coming to visit the following week (her contract was extended till end of this year). She pulled up, still wearing her wedding ring (I took mine off the day I paid the cell phone bill). I had the alimony contract already written up along with the divorce papers. She signed the contract without much hesitation and had it notarized. I called her a few names and we fought for a good 20 minutes, then said nothing the rest of the visit. I told her goodbye and she left.
Another week of no contact (she is back in Arizona now) goes by. She calls me today to ask about bills, so we talked a little. She still beats around the bush, but won't hide it either (they still talk/text 30 times a day). I say I pretty much know what is going on...and she just says "yeah..." No apologies, no remorse. She said she was with him tonight having dinner. She has now known him for about a month (that I know of). They have slept together multiple times now and I take my STD/HIV test tomorrow-it was in the alimony contract-she never disputed it. She says she is still confused, but knows for certain that she wants a divorce from me.
So...thats where I'm at now...the last two decades gone from me. My wife, my best friend-gone just like that. I would have never imagined her doing this to me. She has taken my past, present and future away-she is the co-signer of my student loan that I need to finish my degree, so I don't think that's going to work out now. I've stopped crying for the most part...feel almost nothing now, numb I guess. I'm in therapy now and it's going okay...I asked her to join, but she refused. I started lifting weights again. I now have huge financial problems coming with no way to deal with it (rent is one...her company pays for the villa until end of year). She will be great in six months time, while I will be...I don't know. I have never cheated on her, not even looked at another woman-she was all I needed. I don't have any family to speak of and I can count my friends on one hand. Any help, advice or thoughts are appreciated. Thanks for listening.
