For the record I think I did one of the more determined and focus end-of-relationships approach that I have read about. It’s in my profile, but in MY situation, we were not married (engaged, 5 weeks from planned wedding day), no kids, rented, relatively split finances and technically a relatively “easy” separation. Emotionally it was tough, but probably not as tough as +20 years and kids would have made it. I walked out of that apartment and I guess I spent less than 3 hours along with my ex after that. For ME – at THAT time – in THAT relationship – this was the correct path, but I don’t see it as the only one-size-fits-all solution.
Having said that and not referring to any specific poster other than the one I will mention:
Sometimes we get posts that either meander along in a non-purposeful, never listen to the advice and post to aggravate those that follow the thread. Usually an ongoing thread of inaction.
Sometimes we get posts that indicate a clear direction right from the start. Usually the spouse hasn’t been confronted yet, the confrontation, WS reactions, next steps, attorney advice, legal process, family reaction… It’s all foreseeable. It’s all as if it’s scripted…
Usually some of the more experienced posters here on SI will notice small things that indicate the scenarios aren’t … well… believable. We share PM’s but the rule of thumb seems to let them play out and not interfere, just in case we are wrong and there is a real story in there.
A classic example is a poster that claimed to be in the navy (a SEAL) and his incredible multi-page story of how he discovered, exposed, destroyed his ex-wife and her lover’s life and used the legal system to get all the assets from the divorce…
His thread went on for pages and read like a BH wet dream.
His fame even spread to other sites where he was welcomed like a lost son home from the wars.
Only for each and every word he wrote being a lie…
He was exposed as a fraud eventually, but I worry how many betrayed husbands that read his original thread and how he was determined and got everything he wanted also to know that he was lying. Like if you believe putting on a red cape and clicking your heels together will enable you to fly, then maybe you just might be dumb enough to jump off a building.
For everyone poster that is believable and true and does a more-or-less perfect reconciliation OR divorce plan, there are probably five thousand that didn’t. We all make mistakes; we all have doubts and we all question if we are doing right. Even I in my “perfect” exodus made several mistakes. I am 100% certain that if I had access to SI back then, most posters on JFO would actually have helped me make the mistakes I did… Things and actions (mainly revenge related and pain-causing) that time and life have taught me were useless, served no purpose and were wrong.
OK – So infidelity won’t have major impact on your divorce?
Sounds like you have talked to an attorney. Since he’s talking about the years separation period I’m guessing he also told you to skip filing for adultery. Rule-of-thumb is that in states that allow for filing for adultery then it reneges the need for a separation period.
Did he comment on the requirements for proving infidelity?
A civil case (like divorce) has a lot lower bar for evidence quality. I wouldn’t be surprised that what you share you have would be enough.
Let us know how the confrontation goes.
Your next steps after confronting will depend and be based on how this goes.