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Spouses/Partners of Sex Addicts - 21

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veryhurt2018 ( member #65877) posted at 1:16 PM on Monday, November 22nd, 2021

Hi to all the BW's of SA's,
It's been forever since I've posted, so I wanted to say hi and happy Holidays. I'm one of the very few that has stayed with my SAWH and life is pretty good. We hit 3.5 years this month and it didn't even phase me. I have had some pain lately about feeling like I can't forgive him in my heart and so I've decided to go back to therapy after 1 1/2 years of not being in it. I feel like life is really good, and I have forgiven my SAWH in my mind but I feel like (and my SAWH does too) I can't forgive him in my heart. It's like I haven't fully forgiven him even though I've told him I have. I feel like if I've forgiven him, then I would have no pain, and I still have pain. So today is the first day I'm going back to my amazing therapist for help. I really want to forgive him for me, not for him. My therapist has always said that you forgive for yourself, not for the other person. But I think I believe now that it has to come naturally, and I think that hasn't happened yet.

My SAWH lead a double life for a good chunk of our marriage. I always used to be so proud of him because he came from horrible abuse, and literally nothing, and made a name for himself in his field of work. Now I hate his past as we've discovered, through lots of therapy, that the abuse is what probably drove him to the sex addiction. Like almost all of you, we had an amazing marriage. People used to tell me how lucky I was. I don't feel that way anymore. I feel like I married a broken soul and I never saw it.

Hurtmyheart, I used to listen to the BTR podcasts but never did the group. I did something very similar to that though, that was more local to me, and it helped me immensely. I belonged to the group for about 2 years and then decided that I was done so I stopped going. I think you should try anything that you think could help you.

Hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving, if you celebrate. Sending lots of love!!

VeryHurt

Me-BW(51)Him-SAWH(57 at D-Day)D-Day: 5/9/18 followed by trickle truth for 12 months

posts: 146   ·   registered: Aug. 18th, 2018   ·   location: California
id 8699613
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