An update....Late last week I lost it on her and said I didn’t believe her dinner story on her last meetign with AP the previous week. I said I want the receipt and she said he paid. I said no problem, get me the receipt soshe texted him (even though she broke it off). He said he would get it for her and I told her DO NOT delete text messages.
She got all pissed at me went in and got other receipts fro that day and threw them at me and said they had time stamps. She did this in front of our youngest who got suspicious and asked me if he thought mom was having an affair. I had to do damage control and said no, she’s just upset as we had a fight. Kid wasn’t buying it but finally cooled it down.
Next day I get the receipt and she sends it to me. The top is cut off and there is no date or time. I tell her receipt is meaningless - she loses it.
I end up calling restaurant to speak to the owner and he says he will get me receipt.
I end up telling her I still dont trust her as she has given me nothing. She says what is it that you want?
I give her a list, access to phone, timeline etc. She says I will not give you access to phone as it is based on distrust. I said no problem decision is made then - she says what do you mean? I said I want a divorce.
She says are you sure and do you know how are lives will change if we do that? I said yep I do. And then I described how our lives will be differeng in detail - She started crying and said I knew you didn’t have what it takes to fix this - I told her she was insulting me again and then she asked if I should go see a therapist first before making my final decision. I said for what? She said if the therapist thinks and agrees with you on what you need, then I will provide them.
I said isn’t what I think enough?
She went out with a friend on Friday and I ignored her.
Needless to say, we did NOT go away anywhere on the weekend and spent the weekend together doing house things. On more than one occasion, she mentioned us building the next house as well as other future related things. We also had dinner Saturday night and had some interesting conversations. We talked about situations we were in (one of my fuckups), when we were just dating that I didn’t realize she was still holding on to and she never mentioned it before. She started crying and apologized again and said she loves me.
I also said maybe we need an open marriage? She said she can’t do that. I said you fucking him and him fucking his wife IS an open marriage and how do you reconcile this with yourself? She said she doesn’t know how she can reconcile it and hasn’t been able to. She did agree with me.
She was very affectionate as well but I made sure we didn’t take it further.
Late last week I met with lawyer and his advice had pieces that were directly opposed to advice in this thread. I mentioned some things I wanted to do and he said it would hurt my case if I did it (ie vengeance calling OMS, telling family members etc). He said I would look better to judge and even other lawyer if I controlled the urge to do that.
He recommended trying to reconcile as it would help me later if we separated, among other things. Or at least appear as if you want to.
She ended up showing me the text thread between the two of them asking him for the receipt, but the part I got upset at her for is she told him I wanted a divorce. i told her that is private between the two of us and none of his business and you shouldn;t share that. - she agreed and said she was wrong to do it. Then she drafted a text with my help ending it and telling him never to contact her again.
He was open to meet with me to set the record straight but I told her to text him and tell him there is no reason for us to meet and nothing good will come of it.
He aplogized to her in text for the “nightmare” he caused her.
Here we are Monday - she is very nice to me and on her best behaviour. Part of me wants to believe she came to her senses, but most of me still believes she is trying to preserve her way of life as it will be severely impacted if we divorce.
[This message edited by Awoken at 10:20 PM, September 14th (Monday)]