TD - I don’t think you fully understood my point. I’m not talking about how you and Thumos interact day to day with your WGF and WW respectively.
My point is that if your WGF valued your relationship as much as you did, then she would agree to do the things that you’ve requested to R. The fact that she’s not willing to do so, snd as a result end your 25 year relationship, shows that you value her and relationship more than she does. Same with Thumos. He values his wife and marriage more than she does.
Now, this is always the implication, as they are the ones who cheated snd you and Thumos did not. However, post affair, your WGF and Thumos’s WW are still showing you both that you value them more than they value you. That was my simple point.
I believe you get that point, which is why you chose to separate. However, thumos… I would ask Thumos, before the A how would you rate your wife and marriage, snd he would probably answer, I rated it a 10. Now, maybe not so much a 10. However, the effort that I’m putting towards trying to remain married is rated a 10. And, by association, I must still highly value my wife - maybe an 8.
My wife, on the other hand, pre and during A, must have rated me and the M a 5. Now, because WW doesn’t want to lose me snd the marriage, she is acting like a Stepford wife, which on the surface appears that she rates me snd the marriage a 10. However, because she refuses to do as I ask, re tell the truth, reveals that she really only values me snd the marriage maybe a 5.
Thus, TD values his WGF, and Thumos his WW, more than they value you. Can one remain in a relationship, post A, where one values the other/relationship, more than the other?
Walloped’s WW, through full transparency and disclosure post A (hence true remorse) showed that she valued her husband and marriage as much as Walloped did. When you compare mrs Wallop, the quintessential remorseful WW, side by side to TD’s WGF snd Thumos’ WW, the difference is stark snd plain as day.
Plenty of R BH accept this state of inequality. The question is whether Thumos can and will.
This was my simple point.