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Holy Fark, that seems so blasé! After F’ing a guy for 3 years she has to “fit” you into her calendar......WTF

Don’t show the house, move heaven and earth, do some damn thing at least...wow! Sounds like the two cheating husbands in the new posts today.....

Just wondered with you being a workaholic and all that. Before you were going to Jamaica did she ever say ah forget doing the extra work to pay for the holiday lets just stay home and have some us time.

Wow! After everything she is so entitled as to try to make you accommodate her schedule? I think this guarantees that you are walking into a conversation with an unremorseful spouse who plans to make this your fault. I can't even IMAGINE the cold heart required to try to ask you to accommodate her schedule in this situation. Just unfathomable. She can find time for an affair but the time you agree to force yourself to stomach listening to her, she thinks she can request a better time for her??? I am speechless. But also not really because anyone who would do what she has done is clearly completely selfish and broken. I am so sorry.

She texted saying that she is showing a house for a client at 11:00 and was wondering if we could meet earlier. I didn’t respond, until my daughter called I explained to her my doctor appointment at 9:00 so I will have to leave the house at 8:00 and I don’t want to listen to her first thing in the morning right before my physical it would just get me high blood pressure. I suggested we can talk later in the day. That was an hour ago. Now daughter called to let me know that her mom made some arrangements and would be available all day tomorrow whenever I’m ready she will be in her office.

I'm gonna be contrary to the others. You want to be as supportive of her career as you can be. Get her hooked up with another millionaire investor she can fuck on the side so that she continues getting filthy lucre. Get her earning as much as she can earn, because 1/2 of it all goes to your benefit in the D.

Being a realtor is not like having a regular day job. When a customer says "jump", you say "how high"? In your WW's case, that included jumping in the bed, which is a line most realtors won't cross, but hey, if it makes her a lot of money, half of which is yours, you can view your post-D life as being sort of a pimp.

Tell your WW that you will support her career every way you are able. You will be happy to steer every rich, horny real estate investor/owner you know over to her and tell them that she puts out "special services" for her clients to make them "extra happy". It's a "win/win". She can enjoy the tawdry life of fucking clients and getting paid for it; you can reap the financial benefits while enjoying a life free from a tether to a cheater.

[This message edited by Butforthegrace at 8:04 AM, July 23rd (Thursday)]

Did everyone miss the part where she came back and said that she rescheduled and will make herself available whenever AH wants?

Not defending her, just pointing out that she has done what so many of you are angry that she didn’t do.

I'm gonna be contrary to the others. You want to be as supportive of her career as you can be

I agree with this. If you are going the D path, the more successful she is, the better it will be for you. After you are D, you are D, meaning she will do whatever she wants with her life and so will you. Whether she becomes a model of virtue, becomes a nun, or the OM’s mistress, it won’t matter to you, she will be your X.

If you think about R, it might be a good idea that she quits Real estate all together, it could be one of the many conditions

You need to put an end to your daughter's involvement. She should not be the go between.

So sorry on what you are going through. My wife had a short affair with a wealthy owner where she worked. I totally understand the shock and sadness you are feeling.

You should listen to what she has to say. I would also tell her that if you were a bad husband then she should have left and asked for a divorce. Instead she decided to go have sex with another man. I am sure she was not neglecting you while she was out fucking another guy. Going on dates with this guy have a romance, wow you were busy providing for her affair.

Why don’t you just tell her we should divorce and she can then try to win you back. She then can decide to win you back or she will have the opportunity to meet and have sex with anyone she wants to meet.

Why don’t you sell one of The houses and use that money so you can work fewer hours. If a wife can go out and screw other dudes then it’s better to get rid of her. So sorry you deserve better.

If my wife said I neglected her so she had to have sex with other man I would immediately divorce. Because if you are at fault for that then you will never know what else you would do that would cause her to cheat again.

Do you know if this is her only affair? If this rich guy was not married she may have left you anyway. That’s not an option for her at this point. She is stuck with you so be careful with anything she says.

[This message edited by SpaceGhost0007 at 5:54 PM, July 22nd (Wednesday)]

Ya know, I get it. I was a workaholic and when my ex left me that was one of her complaints. I seemed too often not having quality time for her. It was a somewhat valid complaint (not totally). But here's the point... if she doesn't feel like you're giving her enough time, it's up to her to tell you. It's up to her to let you know there are problems the two of you need to work thru. It's called communicating with each other. But to just go and hop in bed with some ass for two years is uncalled for on any level and for any reason. Two years. I can never, ever, understand long term betrayals. Never.

That said, let her have her say. I mean, I could never forgive a long term betrayal, but some people can and do. More power to them, I suppose.

AH,

None, absolutely NONE of her cheating is on you. If she was unhappy, she could have simply filed for divorce 3 years ago. But instead of being a single mom, she decided to show her true selfish, self-centered nature and gave herself to another man. As the saying goes, a marriage is 50-50, infidelity is 100-0!!

Expect to be blamed for everything!

You forgot to fix the clogged sink, so I found a man who would be willing to hire a plumber if it happened!

She is not even close to being even a mediocre candidate for reconciliation!!!! She is blaming you for it!! She was planning on leaving you when youngest graduates! Tell her that you are going to give her the gift of speeding up her timeline

Have you made an appointment to see a lawyer yet?

If not, what are you waiting for??? ?

At the upcoming meeting. Try to talk as little as possible. If possible, let her talk for all 60 minutes!!

Good luck and stay strong!!

I promise you the other side is great

I’m ready for the talk and won’t take any BS from her. I could have been more flexible with the timing of the meeting but I just thought why should I. She wants to talk she should make time not me

AH you are doing things correctly, way better than most of us did.

Congratulations! You just passed her first shit test. This is on your time not hers.

Keep in mind your wife has justified this to herself for years now. She has also sold other people in this too.

If you are such a bad husband and the marriage is so terrible why does she want to stay.

Brother hope the meeting goes well with WW and yourself. Very good advice from Westway, BeyondRage and SpaceGhost. It will be difficult to listen, take notes but have a VAR in your pocket. If you feel that you are getting flustered or feel anger building up in your reply’s then take a breath, or even a short five minute break.

Be that Iceman, cool, calm and collected in your response. Don’t let your emotions and anger drive your responses.

One day at a time

Buffer

I was just catching up on your thread, AH. As I was reading I was starting to worry about false DV charges. I was going to recommend you have a VAR on you, especially if the meet is done in a more private setting. The last post by Buffer (just above) recommends the same and I support his recommendation.

AH

I guess this so called meeting is still upcoming. The fact that she thinks this meeting is to explain herself makes it useless. What fucking explanation is going to satisfy you???? There is none for what she did and for the length of time.

You really interested in hearing about mid life crisis and how she always still loved you as he was taking pictures of her in his bed. You will need Xanax by the dozens I imagine to listen to that

What this meeting should be about is what she plans on doing without you telling her to to try to convince you to even enter a thought process of staying married to her.

, not explaining why she fucked another man for two years. You already know what they did.

If you read that text it's exactly what she is going to start with, that she understands how mad you are but wants to fix everything. Of course she does and the others and I have told you why.

This crap with her house showing. If she is any kind of successful real estate agents, house showings get changed all the time and her career isn't dependent on this one showing that apparently was more important than your schedule.

If there is one thing you better figure out is how she verifies she has been no contact with him since d Day and how you verify that. And what your reaction is going to be if she actually tells you she has seen him or been talking to him. Without the answers to those things I have no idea how you even consider having any conversation with her.

The word EXPLAIN should be purged from this conversation and shut down the minute it starts. As long as she believes you have any interest in 'explanations" rather than actions on her part, you are swimming upstream and i am afraid your daughter has positioned this entire

metting scenerio to your wife as something it should not be.

Good luck

AHGuy

Just one thing.

While talking to ver, keep calm. In one hand, you may some really hurtful things and twist the knife a lot. You Will feel good in the moment but regret It later.

In other hand, you dont kbow her, and what she is capable of.last thing you need is to give her amunition..."he has alway been like this, the marriage was tainted his attitud, i tryed to explain my self and he didnt listen as always, etc"

Be carefull.

Dont make any promise,not even to meet again only if she asks for It. Dont forgive her, you are not there yet (she is the mother of your kids, It Will happen in the future)

You are in control, not her. Dont let her push your buttons, dont sgree with her on how bad the marriage was (rewriting) dont Accept any blema (blame shifting), dont let her make you think It is less than It was ( she was willing to leave you when the time was rigth), dont let her trick you: she Will say that the affair was alredy ending, blablabla. Remember that the OM possibly trow her under the bus (he just wanted a p...) And she Will be willing to say anything, even while mourning the Lost of her soulmate

I have only one thing to reiterate... DON'T let her blame you for anything!!!! This is her fault! She is responsible for her actions.

Do not worry , my daughter will not attend the meeting with her mom. She never suggested she would come. She just arranged it. I told her via my daughter that I will be available after my physical tomorrow as long as I can be done before 1:00 because I gotta be somewhere at 2. My wife called several time I Intentionally ignored her She texted saying that she is showing a house for a client at 11:00 and was wondering if we could meet earlier. I didn’t respond, until my daughter called I explained to her my doctor appointment at 9:00 so I will have to leave the house at 8:00 and I don’t want to listen to her first thing in the morning right before my physical it would just get me high blood pressure. I suggested we can talk later in the day. That was an hour ago. Now daughter called to let me know that her mom made some arrangements and would be available all day tomorrow whenever I’m ready she will be in her office.

I’m ready for the talk and won’t take any BS from her. I could have been more flexible with the timing of the meeting but I just thought why should I. She wants to talk she should make time not me

AH, I've just caught up on your thread and I'm probably too late, but I wouldn't have that meeting with her yet. I would want her to start with a letter. Let her pour her heart out to you in writing. If you think what she writes is worth pursuing, let her know the next step is a full detailed written time line. If that is forthcoming then you have something to work with for a conversation.

If you have to go straight to a face to face meeting record it, blatantly, with a var on the table. Make sure she knows she's on the record.

I'm sorry you now have what I have been living with for over 30 years. Five counselor latter lot's of money and still have dreams/nightmares and mind moves. Not all the time but when a trigger hits OH BOY. (seeing him) And yes she has done everything I asked and is so sorry. I trust her now but I still have moments. Any way what I wanted to say is don't meat her in her office. Pic a neutral place or if you can stand it a park were you and she have been. Let her know what she has ruined. But only if you can handle it. In her office she has advantage. So sorry you're in the club. Be strong. You didn't do this.

my my devout christian, God loving, Church going, morally conservative, and adultery hating wife and the mother of my children is having an affair

The high of the forbidden. The thrill of the double life.

Akin to working at a charity for inner city kids, while selling them drugs at the same time.

Wanting to be seen as decent and upstanding while getting away with it makes it so much more fun.

Cheaters....