Newest Member: username3016

Divorce/Separation :
and just like that...

Topic is Sleeping.
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Williesmom ( Member #22870) posted at 3:46 AM on Thursday, July 23rd, 2020

Im so sorry. Ugh. Big hug.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

posts: 9299   ·   registered: Feb. 15th, 2009   ·   location: Western PA
id 8565524
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thebighurt ( Member #34722) posted at 7:31 AM on Friday, July 24th, 2020

(((((Hugs tts))))) be kind to yourself.

Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

posts: 4998   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2012   ·   location: the Other Side
id 8565890
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Chrysalis123 ( Guide #27148) posted at 9:24 PM on Friday, July 24th, 2020

Hi TTS. I just saw your post and am so sorry to hear about this. I remember you too.

We are here when you are ready. (((TTS)))

Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver

Just for the record darling, not all positive changes feel positive in the beginning -S C Lourie

posts: 6709   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2010
id 8566197
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Catwoman ( Member #1330) posted at 10:03 PM on Friday, July 24th, 2020

Breakups suck--plain and simple.

However, I recommend the book "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken." It talks about all of the reasons a breakup was necessary.

Breakups help us grow and strengthen our sense of self.

But they still suck.

Cat

FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

posts: 32936   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2003   ·   location: Massachusetts
id 8566209
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 trying to smile (original poster Member #9683) posted at 6:28 AM on Sunday, July 26th, 2020

Thank you all so much.

Yes this is my first relationship since my 30 year marriage ended. We have been together for more than 4 years. We went to counselling last week and agreed to give things a try, discussed the issues we had and planned to work on things. Since then there has been barely any communication, he has crawled into his cave. (we don't live together).

Hi Inchy, amazing to find you here too.

Cat, I'm just not ready to accept that it's over yet.

Thank you Chrys.

Thank you all so much for being here and reaching out. I'm trying really hard to practice patience and give him space but all I want to do is wrap my arms around him and reassure him. He thinks he'll never be good enough for me and there is nothing further from the truth.

tts

[This message edited by trying to smile at 5:48 AM, July 26th (Sunday)]

Good Women.
May we know them,
May we be them,
May we raise them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"so when he finally showed his true colours they proved to be a startling shade of turd".

posts: 8211   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2006   ·   location: The Land Down Under
id 8566610
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wildbananas ( Member #10552) posted at 6:43 AM on Sunday, July 26th, 2020

Hey tts, i remember you. I'm sorry you're hurting right now. We're here.

(((tts)))

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

posts: 16492   ·   registered: May. 1st, 2006   ·   location: Somewhere
id 8566612
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 trying to smile (original poster Member #9683) posted at 11:47 AM on Sunday, July 26th, 2020

Hi Nanners, thank you.

tts

Good Women.
May we know them,
May we be them,
May we raise them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"so when he finally showed his true colours they proved to be a startling shade of turd".

posts: 8211   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2006   ·   location: The Land Down Under
id 8566629
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 trying to smile (original poster Member #9683) posted at 12:30 PM on Saturday, August 1st, 2020

and now it's clearer, it was all bullshit. He's been cheating. He sent me a copy of a message she sent me. Must have made him feel sick when he realised what he'd done.

Good Women.
May we know them,
May we be them,
May we raise them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"so when he finally showed his true colours they proved to be a startling shade of turd".

posts: 8211   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2006   ·   location: The Land Down Under
id 8568973
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 trying to smile (original poster Member #9683) posted at 1:23 PM on Saturday, August 1st, 2020

I feel such a fool.

Good Women.
May we know them,
May we be them,
May we raise them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"so when he finally showed his true colours they proved to be a startling shade of turd".

posts: 8211   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2006   ·   location: The Land Down Under
id 8568983
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Anna123 ( Member #70908) posted at 2:31 PM on Saturday, August 1st, 2020

I am SO sorry.

He sent me a copy of a message she sent me. Must have made him feel sick when he realised what he'd done.

What did he send? I don't understand.

posts: 620   ·   registered: Jul. 1st, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8569000
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FaithFool ( Member #20150) posted at 6:55 PM on Saturday, August 1st, 2020

What an ASSWIPE to make it All About Him! Well sweetie you know what comes next. Self care, deep breathing, meds if you need some. Keep posting. HUGS.

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

posts: 21437   ·   registered: Jul. 7th, 2008   ·   location: Canada
id 8569071
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WhoTheBleep ( Member #49504) posted at 9:25 PM on Saturday, August 1st, 2020

He sent me a copy of a message she sent me. Must have made him feel sick when he realised what he'd done.

"What did he send? I don't understand."

^^^This. Typo? She sent you a message? Why didn't you get it? And why did he then send it to you?

I'm so sorry. My Spidey senses went up when you said he "felt he would never be good enough for you.". What the hell does that mean anyway??? Blame shifting 101. Sounds to me like justification for cheating in his wayward head. The "TTS doesn't love me like she does" excuse.

You are not a fool. These things happen and it has nothing to do with you. You know

this. I'm of the mindset that if I experience one more betrayal, I plan to be single forever. A casual relationship here and there may be, for purely sexual purposes, but I will never again give away my heart.

Please take care of yourself. Jeeez, what an absolute asshole.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 3:29 PM, August 1st (Saturday)]

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4358   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8569095
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 trying to smile (original poster Member #9683) posted at 12:10 AM on Sunday, August 2nd, 2020

Sorry I wasn't clear.

We were messaging and he was copying a message to send to me about covid lockdown. Instead he copied and sent the last message from her apparently. It was obviously part of an ongoing conversation about how excited they both are about this wonderful new relationship and how fabulous the future looks.

I wish I could unread it I really do.

tts

Good Women.
May we know them,
May we be them,
May we raise them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"so when he finally showed his true colours they proved to be a startling shade of turd".

posts: 8211   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2006   ·   location: The Land Down Under
id 8569130
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FaithFool ( Member #20150) posted at 12:36 AM on Sunday, August 2nd, 2020

Classic wayward fuckup. What a douchebag.

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

posts: 21437   ·   registered: Jul. 7th, 2008   ·   location: Canada
id 8569136
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WhoTheBleep ( Member #49504) posted at 1:03 AM on Sunday, August 2nd, 2020

Omg...how painful that must have been to read.

What is your plan? What has he said about it? Not that it matters...ugh. You are no plan B. (((TTS)))

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 7:05 PM, August 1st (Saturday)]

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4358   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8569143
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 trying to smile (original poster Member #9683) posted at 1:59 AM on Sunday, August 2nd, 2020

He has gone to ground. Didn't answer my messages after he realised his stuff up.

I've arranged the next week off work, will need to contact him to arrange a time for me to go get my stuff and return his. I refuse to have him come to my home and I want to make sure he won't be home when I go to his.

I found out about xwh's A years ago by intercepting text messages. It's brutal reading intimate conversations between the person you love and someone else.

tts

[This message edited by trying to smile at 8:02 PM, August 1st (Saturday)]

Good Women.
May we know them,
May we be them,
May we raise them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"so when he finally showed his true colours they proved to be a startling shade of turd".

posts: 8211   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2006   ·   location: The Land Down Under
id 8569155
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thebighurt ( Member #34722) posted at 2:34 AM on Sunday, August 2nd, 2020

(((((TTS))))) I'm sorry he turned out to be just another of the kind we all know so well. I remember what you went through and I'm so sorry you are here again. We are here for you.

Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

posts: 4998   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2012   ·   location: the Other Side
id 8569164
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Anna123 ( Member #70908) posted at 3:08 AM on Sunday, August 2nd, 2020

Damn. I feel awful for you. And here we have the ole better now than later thing but this just sucks. After this initial shock settles a bit, do something to spoil yourself. (I bought myself a couple birthday gifts that I actually wanted since I am single for example).

Take care.

posts: 620   ·   registered: Jul. 1st, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8569168
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WhoTheBleep ( Member #49504) posted at 3:24 AM on Sunday, August 2nd, 2020

It's brutal reading intimate conversations between the person you love and someone else.

Indeed. It is. More hugs coming your way, dear lady. You do not deserve this. Your plan to exchange your things is a good one. And what a coward he is, hiding. Pffffttt. Fucker.

You know this from before... The pain will lessen over time. But for now, it just bleeping sucks. There's no way around it.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 9:24 PM, August 1st (Saturday)]

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4358   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8569171
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 trying to smile (original poster Member #9683) posted at 4:54 AM on Sunday, August 2nd, 2020

Thank you all.

The roaring in my ears has calmed a little but this pain in my chest won't ease.

I remember last time thinking that each day would get better but it didn't. Not for a long time.

I don't know if I can endure this again.

tts

Good Women.
May we know them,
May we be them,
May we raise them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"so when he finally showed his true colours they proved to be a startling shade of turd".

posts: 8211   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2006   ·   location: The Land Down Under
id 8569182
Topic is Sleeping.
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