Newest Member: Maifurrypurt

The Book Club :
After the affair and moving on without them

Topic is Sleeping.
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 Outoflove2020 (original poster member #72682) posted at 8:49 PM on Thursday, July 2nd, 2020

Hi there

I've looked through a lot of the book recommendations on here, but many of them seem to come from the viewpoint of being in a longer term marriage / relationship, with kids, and the couple is trying to reconcile.

I recently came out of a relationship where my partner cheated on me. It was four years, we weren't married, didn't share any kids (he has two) but we did live together and it's been some of the worse pain I've ever been through in my life. I'm looking for books that focus on recovery from betrayal and moving on without them, starting afresh on my own as a middle aged woman, rather than trying to reconcile.

Any recommendations greatly appreciated.

DDay 1/15/2020.
Separated 3/1/2020

Still healing but in a better place

posts: 375   ·   registered: Jan. 28th, 2020   ·   location: DC Area
id 8556939
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outofsorts ( member #70701) posted at 3:29 AM on Friday, July 3rd, 2020

I at the beginning of The Journey from Abandonment to Healing (four chapters in). So far it is pretty good - focusing on the emotional journey after any type of abandonment: spouse leaving, death of a loved one, etc.

You may find it helpful.

Me(BW): 40
WH: 40
Married 7 years, together 20.
Dday 2/22/19
Reconciling

posts: 332   ·   registered: Jun. 4th, 2019
id 8557088
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homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 9:37 PM on Friday, July 3rd, 2020

This book helped me personally -it was called Love Must Be Tough. It’s a quick, easy read about NOT accepting disrespect of any type, especially from a spouse. How to quickly see your worth in all this. Although it’s main focus is about just finding out a spouse cheated, it very quickly builds the BS up, bc it helps to see how much we let slide all in the name of “love”. It really got my confidence back quickly. The author says if your spouse (or significant other) isn’t doing the “work” it’s far better to tell them to leave right then and realize your own worth and self respect. (And the author is a Christian counselor-so I thought the book was going to be sappy, but it’s the opposite.) The focus of the book is not about getting back together, but to me it was more about a person crossing the line of respect over and over. Something that I’ve allowed all my life.

I’m in my 50’s and I hope to never accept bad behavior from anyone again, I’m much better alone, the book quickly helped with that.

It’s downloadable I think and I happened upon it at the library.

I’m not sure if this is exactly what you’re looking for, but it really helped me see my value.

Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55

posts: 5360   ·   registered: Jan. 30th, 2012
id 8557363
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Hawaii50 ( new member #75229) posted at 3:09 PM on Friday, August 21st, 2020

Please read, Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life by Tracy Schorn. It is exactly what you need at this point. I found most books focused on reconciliation or at least there was hope for it. In my situation, we were done. It just hurt to read about anything even hinting at reconciliation. Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life focuses on moving on without looking back. There were so many things that literally left me in awe. It helped me gain self confidence in realizing that my feelings were valid and normal. I can’t say enough about this book. I listened to the audio and then bought a hard copy to keep.

posts: 1   ·   registered: Aug. 21st, 2020
id 8576962
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sundance ( member #72129) posted at 8:57 PM on Sunday, August 23rd, 2020

My vote is also: Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life.

Rusty: You scared?
Linus: You suicidal?
Rusty: Only in the morning.

posts: 78   ·   registered: Nov. 21st, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8577826
Topic is Sleeping.
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