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I did it

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Stilldenying posted 5/10/2020 17:39 PM

Been a long time, hope everyone is doing well during this pandemic. Long story short I'm back to say I did it. After never having transparency and likely more days than this site has seen with all the new bits of info I search for I had the straw that broke. I sent OBS a message but have no idea if he saw it. It was late in the evening and I don't believe she was warned in time to intercept by this morning, and she was warned, I saw it. I said I want a separation, he says he'll need time to do that. Of course I am still crazy and only think I know what is going on. I actually have PTSD symptoms now, IC knows. Straight ass to my face lies when I know otherwise. Pretty sure my only outlet of discovery I happened upon will forever be gone now. But I have screenshots, I am not crazy making stuff up in my head. My loss is so profound!!! 3 years almost of daily pain, 3 years of wanting so badly to just once have my pain acknowledged, validated, truly hugged with regret and love. You both stole everything I loved, even myself. Every holiday, birthday, that bitch left nothing. But of course, I'm not allowed to talk about what they did to cause this, it's nobody's business. Actually said that. Life as I knew it died 3 years ago and that rat bastard still holds my heart. But today, today he may have just realized he has actually lost me.

nekonamida posted 5/10/2020 17:44 PM

SD, follow through. See a lawyer. 180 him. Take steps to get yourself out of infidelity.

Marz posted 5/10/2020 18:07 PM

But of course, I'm not allowed to talk about what they did to cause this, it's nobody's business. Actually said that.

Um, under your circumstances I think Iíd broadcast it widely.

Life as I knew it died 3 years ago and that rat bastard still holds my heart. But today, today he may have just realized he has actually lost me.

He
DOESNíT
CARE

Shockedmom posted 5/10/2020 18:08 PM

You are allowed to talk about this. This is your life and you owe no one protection. His lies his consequences.

Please see an attorney and a financial advisor to understand your position. Thank you for trying to let the OBS know.

Okokok posted 5/10/2020 20:11 PM

This man has been torturing you for years. I'm glad you took this step. Big move. You can always follow up with OBS just in case.

TheLostOne2020 posted 5/11/2020 08:06 AM

Stilldenying

Been a long time, hope everyone is doing well during this pandemic. Long story short I'm back to say I did it. After never having transparency and likely more days than this site has seen with all the new bits of info I search for I had the straw that broke. I sent OBS a message but have no idea if he saw it. It was late in the evening and I don't believe she was warned in time to intercept by this morning, and she was warned, I saw it. I said I want a separation, he says he'll need time to do that.

Good, get away - I think it will bring you peace.


Of course I am still crazy and only think I know what is going on. I actually have PTSD symptoms now, IC knows. Straight ass to my face lies when I know otherwise.

Par for the course. My STBXW did this too. Ignore it and continue on. Nothing they say is really fully true anyway.

Pretty sure my only outlet of discovery I happened upon will forever be gone now. But I have screenshots, I am not crazy making stuff up in my head. My loss is so profound!!! 3 years almost of daily pain, 3 years of wanting so badly to just once have my pain acknowledged, validated, truly hugged with regret and love. You both stole everything I loved, even myself. Every holiday, birthday, that bitch left nothing. But of course, I'm not allowed to talk about what they did to cause this, it's nobody's business. Actually said that. Life as I knew it died 3 years ago and that rat bastard still holds my heart. But today, today he may have just realized he has actually lost me.

Jesus you went through Hell. I couldn't take 3 months of the bullshit and you put up with it for 3 years? You're made of sterner stuff than I.

Ignore their lies. They're horrible garbage people.

Remember: Follow your principles, your emotions will catch up. If you follow your emotions you'll abandon your principles and you'll be miserable.

thatbpguy posted 5/11/2020 08:19 AM

Just get it all out there. This is your time.

KingofNothing posted 5/11/2020 09:17 AM

But of course, I'm not allowed to talk about what they did to cause this, it's nobody's business. Actually said that.

You owe a couple of cheaters no special consideration. Blow up their little world. It's certainly YOUR business. You're not his slave, you're not his employee. What you do with your information is up to you. They want it to be their business. YOU don't have to make adultery easy or convenient for them. Who says? He can't control what you do any longer. You are stronger than this.

tushnurse posted 5/11/2020 10:53 AM

(((SD)))

You have come a long way lady.
Stay strong. Follow through. You got this.

Keep reading, and posting here. We will support you.

Hopeful30 posted 5/11/2020 11:55 AM

Wow, he is an ass. Who is he to tell you what you can and cannot do? You can speak to whomever you wish to and he can go pound sand. FTS!
And why does he need time to separate? Get the suitcase out for him and tell him he has one hour to pack and go. And if you can have someone come over to be with you while he does it.
Continue reaching out to the OBS.

sisoon posted 5/11/2020 12:48 PM

Neat! What a great step forward for you.

All you have to do is keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Are you safe? Do you need to get away from your H?

Keep posting - it will remind you of all the people who are rooting for you.

Stilldenying posted 5/11/2020 15:46 PM

Holy shit!! The OBS called him. What the hell are you doing? No, your marriage isn't over, I'm still don't know what I'm talking about. What did he tell him, that I need mental health like he just told me? HOLY SHIT!!!! I emailed them both at work too, bared my soul to it's core and she read it, says I am inappropriate to send that to both of them at work. I don't know what is going to happen now, I literally blew it up. Why the hell am I so scared I made this happen?? Why am I so scared I really just ended my marriage, or that he is going to convince me I didn't see what I saw all these years?? Oh GOD!!!

Okokok posted 5/11/2020 16:45 PM

I just want to be sure I understand before responding.

The OBS called him and told *him* what the hell are you doing?

Who said "no, your marriage isn't over" and "you don't know what you're talking about"?

Who said that you need mental health treatment--your husband or OBS?

When you say you "emailed them both," do you mean your husband and AP, or AP and OBS?

It doesn't matter at all what AP says. Fuck her.

Why am I so scared I really just ended my marriage, or that he is going to convince me I didn't see what I saw all these years??

You know what you have seen. Take a deep breath. It's ok. Answer the questions above, please.

Your husband manipulates you, so hang in there while the dust settles. You are making your way out of infidelity.

Do you have a place you can go?

Stilldenying posted 5/11/2020 17:02 PM

OBS called him, have no clue what he said to my WH or what my WH said to him.
My WH said all those other things to me on the phone "marriage is not over, need mental health, what the hell am I doing" As for email, I sent the email to WH and AP. I think he is actually shocked I essentially went from pathetic weakling to full throttle no holds barred. I told him I was going to tell OBS, problem is I've been saying that for 3 years...my story is pathetic truth be told if you read any of it 😢

Okokok posted 5/11/2020 17:40 PM

I've read all of your story.

When someone manipulates and tortures and controls you for years, you're not pathetic. You're abused.

You know they were at the Hyatt and the Hilton in 2018. If you can pinpoint the dates, you can give that info to OBS so he can do his own digging if he needs to.

Do you have *any* other proof that you could show another person?

At this point, more than any other thread I've ever seen, I'd highly suggest hiring a private detective. If for no other reason than your own well-being.

But I do agree you have everything you need to move on toward D.

No man gets to tell you about whether you're going to stay married or not.

If you can't hire the PI financially because of WH's control of finances, can you confide in one of your girlfriends you've mentioned and have her help you? Open a credit card in your name, pay for it that way?

I'm glad you did what you did. Keep checking in here and running things by everyone. You know WH is going to twist everything all around.

And he's angry now. Are you safe?

squid posted 5/11/2020 18:48 PM

Way to take back control.

TELL EVERYONE. Time to burn the house down.

Marz posted 5/11/2020 19:03 PM

What marriage are you ending? From your posts you didnít have one except on paper.

Stilldenying posted 5/11/2020 19:29 PM

I don't think he will hurt me but he is definitely angry. I don't need a PI anymore, hell I should get an honorary license to become one. Do you know it took me over a year to get OBS cell number?? I have everything saved I have been able to get with always having my source taken away. Do I have anything concrete, no... but do any of us usually?? If OBS reaches out I will show him but be very selective in what I allow to leave my sole possession. First and foremost I protect myself and my future. He's staying upstairs, it's very large and comfortable up there. I'm incredibly sad but I am strangely proud of myself. I forced myself to surrender the outcome and any control I wished I had. I prayed for strength and direction scared to even trust praying because I wasn't sure I could even trust God. Blowing this up was epically hard to do. I still have love for this man. Before this I really thought we had a good marriage.

Marz posted 5/11/2020 19:36 PM

Poor guy. Heís in shock.

Tell him to take a couple aspirin.

nekonamida posted 5/11/2020 19:58 PM

If OBS reaches out I will show him but be very selective in what I allow to leave my sole possession.

SD, this is a terrible idea. OBS is another BS just like you. He also likely has known something is up for years but never had concrete proof. He deserves to know just as much as you do. Don't make him jump through hoops while you hold all the cards. Give him what you know. You can send him copies of what you have. Take pictures of receipts. You don't have to give him the originals. These aren't good excuses to withhold the truth from another BS. Without your help, OW can gaslight him back into complacency the same way your WH has done to you. You're better than being a part of their lies and secrecy. You're better than aiding another cheater in their gaslighting. Call OBS ASAP.

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