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hopefullife (original poster member #71881) posted at 4:02 PM on Sunday, March 1st, 2020
I think I mentioned this once before, but my friend just recently reiterated her views why I shouldn't shy away from love.
I kept telling her how this ordeal made me cynical and how I'd never trust another soul with my heart. She said she still prays love for me because my capacity to love is so great it's a waste to not have somebody receive it. I think it's true for all of us betrayed here in SI.
It's a bit softening hearing that reasoning instead of the usual 'you dont let him define you' or the 'you'll find a much more better man'.
I'm not out of the woods and I still wonder if I'll ever recover. But I just wanted to share with all of you here who are on their new beginnings.
Good luck to all :) May we heal enough to open ourselves someday to the person who deserves it.
10 yrs together. 2 yrs married. No kids.
2 Ddays. H living with OW and their child.
Focusing on self.
ShatteredSakura ( member #70885) posted at 4:11 PM on Sunday, March 1st, 2020
I like that sentiment. Sounds like you have a great friend. 
Edit: Everytime I pass this thread title while browsing, I keep hearing the song from the Blues Brothers movie:
"Everybody Needs Somebody to Love"
[This message edited by ShatteredSakura at 11:30 AM, March 1st (Sunday)]
Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 5:22 PM on Sunday, March 1st, 2020
I am working on this and so far so good!
Slowly and hopefully wisely for me!
"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!
EvenKeel ( member #24210) posted at 1:14 PM on Monday, March 2nd, 2020
Straight from your tagline:
Focusing on self.
There is so much power in that! There is not a darn thing wrong with no wanting to have a relationship now (or ever....if YOU decide that). There are many folks who say "Nope - I have enough of that".
It took me a long time to love again. Frankly, thought I never would either.
When and if you decide to try again. You know that you have the tools to deal with whatever comes your way. Even if that is another heartache.
PS - sounds like a good friend. You are blessed.
DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 5:00 PM on Monday, March 2nd, 2020
I redirected my capacity to love onto shelter dogs. I'd rather my love cause me to get bitten by a scared German Shepherd than fall for the wrong person again at the moment. You don't have to close yourself off, but until you're ready, you don't have to be in a relationship either. There are a lot of directions you can send your love into that don't have to be dating before you're ready.
DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 5:24 PM on Monday, March 2nd, 2020
I know I have the capacity to love I just don't trust to put all of my eggs into that basket just yet. Maybe years out I will dip my toes in the water again. Right now I want to have a relationship with myself. I am finding so much healing in being alone and not needing anyone else. I am throwing my love into my kids and my animals and that keeps me happy. Not having to answer to or worry about someone else is so freeing as I've always been in some kind of relationship and have never really been on my own.
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
Decimated ( member #31656) posted at 8:51 PM on Thursday, March 12th, 2020
I know I have the capacity to love I just don't trust to put all of my eggs into that basket just yet. Maybe years out I will dip my toes in the water again. Right now I want to have a relationship with myself. I am finding so much healing in being alone and not needing anyone else. I am throwing my love into my kids and my animals and that keeps me happy. Not having to answer to or worry about someone else is so freeing as I've always been in some kind of relationship and have never really been on my own.
This is me right now as well. I miss being in a relationship but focusing on myself and my children is very liberating and fulfilling. My days are so filled with my kids and Me stuff that I don't have time for anyone else anyway.
[This message edited by Decimated at 2:52 PM, March 12th (Thursday)]
Me -BH 47, now 56
Her-XWW 39, now, who cares
D Day #1 9/09 found out about texting
D day #2 1/11 found out EA on going
D day #3 4/11 found out EA was a PA
Divorced 1/13
AbandonedGuy ( member #66456) posted at 3:22 AM on Friday, March 13th, 2020
I've become a better friend, a dedicated uncle, and a much better caretaker to myself. If someone comes along and deserves a piece of that love, awesome, but I'm pretty content with the status quo.
EmancipatedFella, formerly AbandonedGuy
honesttoafault ( member #27105) posted at 6:27 AM on Saturday, March 14th, 2020
Thank you. I needed to read this today.
I've been in survival mode for the past two years. Still waiting for the D to go through the courts.
I've been very cynical too. I don't feel I could trust anyone ever again, and it's sad, because I know intellectually that there are many good men out there.
But, as has been said, I have to learn to love and accept myself. To find peace within myself. At my age, it may be too late to find someone else when I finally come to peace.
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