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Why won't they just leave you alone

HalfTime2017 posted 12/23/2019 14:37 PM

So I had a fun filled weekend planned for my kids to meet my new SO. Had her wait a yr before I introduced her so she was excited. I did not let the kids know I was dating up until a month+ ago, but we've been dating for a yr now.

So we had a great date night on Friday with my kids. Everything went off without a hitch. Everyone had a blast, a fine dinner and activities. My GF left and my kids really liked her. She had work on Sat, and on Sunday, my GF joined my extended family and my kids to see Star Wars and dinner before going home.

She gets home and calls me telling me that my ex had reached out to her on Facebook. I know my ex had looked up my GF prior b/c my kids told me that when they picked up mommies phone, they saw a picture of my GF on mommies Instagram page, meaning she must have been snooping prior. The girls came asking me if I had a girlfriend a few months back and I just dodged the question b/c saying it was non of their business and that I will wait to talk to them or introduce them to my GF until I felt like I was ready and they were ready. Well, they were ready!! They kept asking about meeting her and was excited to finally meet daddies GF.

So my exWW who I keep NC on save for the kids has been snooping on my GF. My kids obviously told her that they were going to meet my GF and how excited they were. My GF gets a message saying that my exWW is the mom and therefore is reaching out to said GF b/c she'll need to work with her. Out of the blue. My GF was asking me what to do, but I said to just ignore her and block her b/c you didn't reach out to her. She's just a busy body and probably bored. Why can't these people who cheat on us, leave us alone. I've gone NC. I give her nothing in terms of reaction/feedback/response unless needed for the kids. Even then, I keep it short.

Go away already and pretend to play house on your own time with your Brady Bunch. I'm sure its probably not as happy as can be.

ibonnie posted 12/23/2019 16:48 PM

I don't know your whole story, but I can understand why you would go NC (especially if your XWW has a personality disorder), but what if rather than blocking/ignoring (which in a normal situation wouls be rude), your GF responded and said that she just met your kids, and as such, WW should continue to contact you regarding the kids, and not GF. And if she tries to keep the conversation going, then she can block her.

HalfTime2017 posted 12/23/2019 16:59 PM

Ibonnie, maybe in a normal situation but this is a WW whose entitled and was the parent to left the marital home to be with her married boss. The bosses wife was pregnant at the time as well. She's a special kind of lady who would stoop so low as to get with a married husband whose wife was a couple month away from giving birth. That is not normal.

My WW already knows to reach me about the kids. I'm the parent, not my GF. Plus I never told her about GF at all. This is the first time my kids met GF as well. So she's just being extra for no reason, but I guess typical for a Narc.

WhoTheBleep posted 12/23/2019 21:56 PM

It's her way of keeping herself relevant in your lives, and letting you know she knows who girlfriend is. Like even though she's out of the picture, she still knows all your secrets.

The snooping alone is not surprising. I found out last week stbx's girlfriend (not OW) has me blocked on Facebook. I never met her and didn't know what she looked like until recently. If I put her name into the search bar, nothing would show up. For some reason I went into my fake post D-Day hyper-vigilance Facebook account, put her name in the search bar, and found her immediately. So she has the real me blocked.

At first I thought I can only imagine what stbx says about me. But then I realized, I'm the ex-wife. If I was the new girlfriend, I might block the ex-wife too, LOL. Little does she know, that because of D-Day and my now expert sleuthing skills, I know everything about her. And she actually looks like a very sweet woman. Poor thing.

HalfTime, your ex will never leave you alone. Just like mine will never leave me alone. Ever. Even if you do nothing wrong for the rest of your life, she will make stuff up. My ex has accused me twice of going to a popular local attraction without my kids. How selfish of me. Last time he accused me, I told him "I have never been to said attraction. Ever. Now please leave me alone."

I have no idea what he's talking about. I have never been to that place. Just living my life minding my own business, and his nasty grams keep coming. Sigh...

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 9:58 PM, December 23rd (Monday)]

HalfTime2017 posted 12/28/2019 18:46 PM

So she did it again. This time, she went with another platform and tried to contact my GF again. Can you say Psycho!!!

WhoTheBleep posted 12/28/2019 21:59 PM

HalfTime, there is no reason at all for your GF to respond. Ignore.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 9:59 PM, December 28th (Saturday)]

homewrecked2011 posted 12/31/2019 09:52 AM

Jumping ahead a little here, as I learned this response recently on SI. When the inevitable text comes about everyone should put their differences aside and be friends, my new SI response is “oh HELL no, then laughing.

Or crickets.

Happy wishes for you, your gf, and the great positive influence she’s going to b in your children.

EvenKeel posted 12/31/2019 11:20 AM

My GF gets a message saying that my exWW is the mom and therefore is reaching out to said GF b/c she'll need to work with her.
A bit premature of your ex! I mean, I can see if you were getting M and she extended that but just because your kids were meeting your GF?

Your GF should not respond at all. Looks like your ex is using the GF as an angle since you are N/C with her. This is not your GF's place so, if I was her, I would just cricket-cricket-cricket.
If you expect your ex will escalate by being ignored by her (ie and try to reach her in person, etc) then I would let your ex know that any correspondents regarding your children should continue to go through you only, etc.

It is normal for your ex to check her out. Me and my ex do not have a good co-parenting relationship. So when I would learn of the 'latest' my ex moved in his house, I would check her out to make sure she wasn't psycho, villain, felon (or any/all of that). As long as my kids said they liked the latest & greatest GF and that she was nice to them, I backed away.
That was my only concern.

There are many folks who are able to have healthy relationship with their ex's and their new partners.

Like you - I do not have a healthy ex!
There never was nor ever will be that sort of new dynamic.

HalfTime2017 posted 1/2/2020 18:55 PM

Oh no, she was def just trying to be extra, and contacting my GF was a way to get to me. She knows she gets nadda from Dadda, so best way for her is to go thru my GF or friends. Shes reached out to my bestfriend before as well.

Funny that she would try to contact my GF as a parent, but she never made any attempts to introduce me to her affair partner when she was introducing my kids to him. See how that works???

Anywho, I've asked the GF to ignore, and I'm sure she will. It will just further burn at the WW. My GF is younger, highly educated, has a high profile career and is a much better person than my WW. All the more reason to celebrate a great new yr and being free from the WW and her mess of a family.

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