SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Yes, the same studies show the same effect for men - it just seems to be more pronounced for women. I don't know why. I could speculate all day long, but that would be speculation on my part. Maybe women's brains are more sensitive to the "severing" of too many pair bonds? Given that men and women's brains do operate in completely unique ways (for example, women can use both hemispheres at the same time while men "hyperfocus" in one hemisphere and then jump to the other one) that seems plausible and not a ridiculous assumption. But I have no idea.

I don't know. I don't see why it would have that effect, personally. Well, I do, but it's not the conclusion the study might want me led to. I wonder if not requiring a relationship in order to have sex makes people a bit more choosy about who they have relationships with. I would 100% have had more LTRs if I could only have sex with someone I was romantically involved with. They wouldn't necessarily have been the best choices, but I'm sure I would have been way more open to "falling in love" if that was the only way to have sex.

Is your SO's sexual history any of your business?

I haven't read the whole thread so sorry if this has been asked already or is inane, but suppose:

the SO being asked about sexual history is a woman

the SO asking about sexual history is a man

the woman is a former prostitute who has had sex with over 500 men

the man has not had a lot of sexual experience and doesn't think to ask about sexual history before proposing

the woman tells the man about her sexual history voluntarily, but not until after the wedding

Is is slut-shaming for the man to be angry that the woman waited until after the wedding to disclose her sexual history?

If yes, would it change your answer if the man was a close relative of yours, i.e. your son?

If no, is it because of the number, and if so, what number would make it slut-shaming? Or is it the fact that she accepted money for sex? Or that you think she lied by omission?

Also, who is more objectionable? The man for not asking about something that mattered to him before the wedding and is now angry? Or the woman for not volunteering to tell him?

[This message edited by cheatstroke at 3:11 PM, December 3rd (Tuesday)]

Wouldn't it depend on how the feathers are packed? What happens if you drop a tightly secured ball of feathers and a large, thin sheet of lead?

Yes. Sorry I made the assumption that the lead and feathers were not manipulated in a specific way since the question did not provide those specific conditions.

If you can eliminate drag or neutralize its effects like in a free fall, then the acceleration of the objects will be the same regardless of their density or surface area once all other force since gravity is not a force per se and simply the results of objects accelerating relative to us in our surroundings.

Acceleration would not be equal relative to the feathers and lead, regardless of drag or any other force, if they were dropped at a different distance from a center of the mass.

Cheatstroke,

I think that a secret that big would be more than lying by omission, it would just be straight up lying.

In the future, if I am ever single, I will disclose my prior infidelity. Maybe not on a first date, but far before I am in a committed relationship with him. Information that you know is pertinent in a relationship moving forward and not disclosing it is not the way to start a relationship. Not disclosing things you know to be pertinent is a lie.

However, whether it's slut shaming depends on what the person is focusing on. If the person is focusing on the fact they just married a liar, then that is not slut shaming.

That was not the basis of GoldenR's question, though I don't think his intention slanted towards slut shaming. I think the focus of the man in the story was the fact she engaged in the acts rather than the lie that she told. And I think that is where it went downhill for some.

I also think that had the man been told and that was a deal breaker for him that would be fine. It would be hypocritical to me if he too had engaged in gangbangs but couldn't accept she had because she was female and he held a different expectation for that reason. But, still his prerogative to choose how he wishes to choose.

I was actually worried about the blowback guys could have dished out after I posted the list.

There was never going to be blowback from the "IT IS YOUR (SO) BUSINESS" camp, as it was and still is quite obvious which group was actually "shaming" (THE IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS CAMP)

Judgemental

Intolerant

Slut shaming

Sanctimonious

Ignorant

Misogynist

Presumptuous

Offensive

Holier than thou

Mr. Judgy Judgerton

Mr. Wonderful

Discriminatory

Problematic

Disturbing

Jerk

Creepy

Stupid

Uneducated

Over 40

Insecure

Quite a list it was....but to be expected from the SJW camp, which always seems to have more than a fair share of hypocrisy.

However, it seems the motivation is due to the need to avoid the consequence of being called a "whore" and valued/devalued accordingly (even if the value is subjective by the varying perspectives of the participants)

BUT That was never the question, the question was simply "Is your SO sexual history any of your business"."

I assume the answer is now clear...(YES) it is the business of your SO. The fear of being called prude/madonna or whore/slut is not relevant (regardless of sex, I put this point in due to the irrational behavior of some of the posters regarding what should be have been obvious but was not in their minds, or so they stated) to the question of the right to know.

I once had the misfortune of encountering a flatearther, this reminded me a bit of that discussion.

[This message edited by blahblahblahe at 4:29 PM, December 3rd (Tuesday)]

To set the record straight, I would date a female with a high number. And, hypothetically, if things aligned I would marry her. It's not the number that gets to me (unless it's like quadruple digits. Lol)

What concerns me is the group sex or like what actually did happen to me, where she did 3 guys in about 8 hrs while also dating me and then a week later telling me she wanted to be exclusive. I found out about a week later about the 3 in one night thing. I couldn't get past that and broke it off with her.

3 in one night thing.

That's pretty disgusting. Interesting - I think most people would agree that is pretty disgusting. I think it would be a little weird if someone didn't think that was disgusting, but I suppose someone could pop up here and say "why is it disgusting for a man or woman to sleep with three different people in the same night? That's just your personal preference!"

So how is it any less disgusting if it were, say, 3 over three nights? 3 in one week? Just asking questions.

Nobody wants to be judged, on anything. It’s human nature.

In this case it’s about the number of sexual partners. In other cases it’s weight. How tall someone is. Financial history. The list goes on and on.

So when somebody expresses a position that is remotely close to being “judging” the default response, from those who feel judged, will always be along the lines of....

It doesn’t matter.

It shouldn’t matter.

It’s none of your business.

There was never going to be blowback from the "IT IS YOUR (SO) BUSINESS" camp, as it was and still is quite obvious which group was actually "shaming".

I wasn’t worried about the blow back I’d receive. But what would be sent the other way.

That's pretty disgusting. Interesting - I think most people would agree that is pretty disgusting. I think it would be a little weird if someone didn't think that was disgusting, but I suppose someone could pop up here and say "why is it disgusting for a man or woman to sleep with three different people in the same night? That's just your personal preference!"

So how is it any less disgusting if it were, say, 3 over three nights? 3 in one week? Just asking questions.

This is all personal opinion and personal preference stuff. I'd say it's way less disgusting if you've gotten a shower in between each of those guys. It just sounds messy to me. I have never personally had sex with 3 people in a night or in a week, so I don't know that would feel to me. I have a good friend in a poly relationship where he has most certainly had sex with 3 women in a night at a sex party. I find that way less weird than happening to sleep with 3 dudes in one night without it being some kind of sex party or poly relationship thing. Doesn't matter, I can't say that I'm likely to do that in any circumstances.

But do I care that my friend and his girlfriend do these things? Nope. Not remotely. I'm happy that they're happy.

[This message edited by DevastatedDee at 4:23 PM, December 3rd (Tuesday)]

There was never going to be blowback from the "IT IS YOUR (SO) BUSINESS" camp, as it was and still is quite obvious which group was actually "shaming".

I wasn’t worried about the blow back I’d receive. But what would be sent the other way.

It was what I meant, I'll edit and clarify my previous post.

[This message edited by blahblahblahe at 4:30 PM, December 3rd (Tuesday)]

This is all personal opinion and personal preference stuff. I'd say it's way less disgusting if you've gotten a shower in between each of those guys. It just sounds messy to me. I have never personally had sex with 3 people in a night or in a week, so I don't know that would feel to me. I have a good friend in a poly relationship where he has most certainly had sex with 3 women in a night at a sex party. I find that way less weird than happening to sleep with 3 dudes in one night without it being some kind of sex party or poly relationship thing.

I knew someone would say this. I mean wow. Come on, now, really. Really. No, really. It's okay to admit that a man or woman having sex with three people in one night is gross. It's okay to make that value judgement. Come on, DevastatedDee, you can do it, I know you can.

I'd say it's way less disgusting if you've gotten a shower in between each of those guys.

So it is disgusting if they haven't showered? Is that what you're saying? I mean I agree with you it's disgusting either way.

Or is showering or not showering just personal happy clappy preference too?

@DevastatedDee

This is all personal opinion and personal preference stuff. I'd say it's way less disgusting if you've gotten a shower in between each of those guys

Seriously, I think everyone knows that a shower no matter how through would NOT clean her up enough that most men would not have a stomach convulsing moment upon discovery.

Flatearthing....flatearthing.

It just sounds messy to me.

Um, yeah.

Does it sound messy just to you personally? I mean your mess is someone else's paradise, right?

I have a good friend in a poly relationship where he has most certainly had sex with 3 women in a night at a sex party.

Well, okay then! Your good friend Caligula is just being his authentic self. Awesome!

you can only feel shame for something you think is already bad

I totally agree. Some people may think drinking alcohol is bad. I don't. So, if someone tries to tell me they wont date me because I like my glass of wine, I wouldn't feel shamed. I will just shrug off and walk away. Similarly, I wont feel offended if someone asked me if I ever got drunk.

But, as I said before, preference based on sexual history is not unique to men. I would not date or marry a man who has had lots of casual sex or threesomes. I am not shaming them. I am simply saying that sex as recreation goes against my values. I would also like to know if my potential SO has ever cheated.

Why do you believe that a theoretical woman with a “number” equal to yours is a greater “risk,” based on her “number” alone, when you yourself go out of your way to NOT be a risk?

DarknessFalls, I think RIO believes that because, going by his other posts, he sees himself as high risk as well, and has to constantly be on guard so that he doesn't slip up.

Nobody wants to be judged, on anything. It’s human nature.

I disagree. People who don't own their actions fear being judged. If you are comfortable with your actions, you wont fear being judged.

I do have loads of opinions.

Dee:

your story is why it's nice to live in and around larger cities, lol. I've run into no one.

I live in a pretty populated area. The problem is the guys they slept with are the ones who go to "all" the bars. Hell, 2 of them own bar chains. So if the girls go to any bars, they have a chance to run into the guys. I am talking around 20 guys they hooked up with randomly. I don't judge them, I just see it as sad because they were clawing at anything to make them feel sexy and desired still.

I also liked you second response to me.

Do you see the dichotomy of your feelings?

You want to justify what you have done, while still feeling it is special because of feelings that may not be shared by your partner. The problem is that it is less special with each new partner you have. The special partner's smell, way they sound, their breathing, the little mistakes they make, it blends into other's as you compare(Everyone does, we compare all cookie dough we eat and expand our understanding with each bite). Then you need something new to show that connection is special. Sex becomes shaking hands or hugging. Then cuddling on the couch is something you only do with the person you love. That becomes the thing you cling to from the person.

I

have a good friend in a poly relationship where he has most certainly had sex with 3 women in a night at a sex party.

Well, okay then! Your good friend Caligula is just being his authentic self. Awesome!

Why this need to make fun of people?