I believe her when she said they never had physical sex, and that this is the only time she has been unfaithful in our 14-years of marriage (we have two kids: 11 years old and 8).
Listen she even admited that a couple of years ago she began to connect emotionally with other people, did you press her on that ? does that mean she had multiple EAs/PAs (most likely)?.
Bdiprecovery, we have read THOUSANDS of stories here on SI and other forums, and let me tell you, (and this is just me but I'm sure other poster will agree), I do not recall a single story where two APs lived across the street or next door, heck even in the same city where they had a sexting relationship for almost a year (could be much longer and she's minimizing) where it wasn't a PA or they didn't have sex, NONE, I can't recall a single one, is it possible they didn't have sex while sexting for 10 months and living across the street from one another ? yes it's possible, is it possible my son will be president of the U.S.A, also possible, what are the odds though ? the answer slim to none, if you believe this and take that as face value from the very person who was looking at you in the eyes every single day while cheating on you, then I'm afriad I have the proverbial bridge for sale at a discount just for you.
Just stop for a second and listen to this, at this point your M is a sham, the fact is that your WW is pining away for her boyfriend and you're allowing to take her sweet time to do it, at this point she's still in the A, at least in EA mode, therefore she's still actively cheating on you and like you said, she hasn't even officially ended her A with him, you should NOT allow this for another second, man up and do the following if you want to have a chance at R:
1) Tell OBS without warning, I can almost guarantee you they have some way of communication. This will give you a 2nd set of eyes to help with NC, it usually also makes the OM drop your WW like a hot rock and like the free piece of ass she probably was/is, also EXPOSE her A with ALL family and close friends and have her apologize for her huge betrayal.
2) Demand she gets tested for STDs (you should too), some can even be transmitted via saliva.
3) Have her write a complete timeline of the A.
4) Demand she sends an official NC FOREVER text/letter to OM, one that you approve, no sweet goodbyes, have her CC the letter/text to you (to keep it as proof of her cheating).
5) Consult a D attorney to know your legal rights and to see what it would look like, ask him if a postnuptial agreement is feasible in your state.
6) Send her to her parents for a few days, tell her it's very disrespectful for you to see her pining away for her lover, make sure your in laws know the truth, tell your kids in an age appropriate way like "mommy had a boyfriend across the street" have her apologize to them too (they were also betrayed).
7) Tell her to some A recovery books like "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass.
8) Tell her to go to IC to find out her "whys" and deal with them, forget MC for now, her A was 100% her choice and not your fault.
9) DO NOT be scared of her reaction or that of OMs/Obs, your WW caused and is allowing this mess.
Others will chime in with more suggestions, your case is not special or unique and indeed very common, so keep posting and listen to the collective wisdom of SI, we've seen this play out literally THOUSANDS of times, keep posting frequently, this is a crucial moment.