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Has anyone contacted the other man/woman?

Jess09 posted 9/6/2019 13:36 PM

So my divorce is final!!!! He tried so hard to postpone it even longer the day before the court appearance...thinking he could get away with giving me less money. But his lawyer told him enough was enough. What a complete nightmare he is.

I really am happy without him. I have a great new job and my kids are adjusting well to our move. But there is something that I feel is keeping me from completely letting go of these horrible 18 months. I just canít get over the need of sending his Married Coworker Whore Girlfriend a note. I know it is pointless but I just cant let her get away with what she has done to me and still currently to her own family. I want to send her a message on facebook just letting her know about Karma. Anyone else felt this need for closure and anyone who went through with contacting the person who cheated with your spouse? Did it help?

Cheatee posted 9/6/2019 13:57 PM

I contacted my XWW's affair partner, early on and mostly to blow up the affair. I confronted him at his work (in the lobby of the hotel in which he worked) and the main offices transferred him 300 miles away.

But once I decided reconciliation was a failure and the divorce was final, I only wanted to look forward and not think about that other person, who likely would have found some titillation in it.

Cooley2here posted 9/6/2019 14:48 PM

Just let go. He has moved on and so should you. His treatment of you shows what a horrific person he is. I imagine his girlfriend is just like him. She wonít care about you. She didnít care bout you or your husband. Just let it go.

hopeandnohope posted 9/7/2019 13:07 PM

I confronted 'Married Coworker Whore' during the affair. It gave her the opportunity to be the victim but quickly turned into her calling me names and accusations of me being greedy, ugly and crazy. Cheaters are immature selfish entitled creaters. They are not like us. I didn't get closure other than to let her know I knew and the worry of who I would tell...you just have to do what's best for you.

I'm happy to read that you are happy without him! It took me a lot longer than 18 months to truly feel joy again. I've had many people over the past 4 years say I should thank 'her' for getting 'him' out of my life. You have a great new job, kids are happy and you are happy. At this point, living a good life and being happy is the best revenge. I bet 'MCoWhore' checks out your fb page and jealously envies your new life. Keep us posted in what you do.♡

Justsomeguy posted 9/8/2019 09:22 AM

I never confronted the POSOM. Really didn't see the need. He is a parasite who sponges off women and has no honour. I drive my his place iWork and see his truck there regularly. I use to avoid it and now i purposely drive by as a way of affirming my individual strength.

J707 posted 9/8/2019 11:52 AM

I did once I got his last name a few months past Dday. It was a waste of time. He went and tattled to my then WW. I did thank him for taking her off my hands because I never would have left and that she cheated before so I'm not surprised. Needless to say nothing from him but she was absolutely livid. The info I got doing my detective work sealed the deal that they didn't just meet and D was my correct path. I got to a point where I don't even think about him anymore. You sound like you are building a beautiful new life so good for you! If you want, write down what you would say, a way of journaling your thoughts and burn it. Releasing it from your mind and watching it burn into flames is very therapeutic.

Pass posted 9/9/2019 12:37 PM

I never got the opportunity to confront the "other" because there wasn't any one in particular. She had been with everyone she possibly could, so it would have kept me busy confronting all of them.

You can be sure that your ex has been telling all his friends, family, and other woman about what a "crazy, controlling bitch" you are. That's how he can justify being such a dick to you. If you confront her, they will see that as proof about how horrible you are.

I had the "advantage" of already being in therapy when I was going through this, so I had an established relationship with a shrink who I was seeing weekly. He eventually convinced me that I can't get closure from other people.

Creating your own closure takes longer, but is worth it. Just keep on healing and building your new life without that arsehole. Read a bunch of self-help books and actually work through their exercises. Some day you'll notice that you don't feel much pain when you are reminded of your marriage.

That's the closure you need.

Pinkypeach posted 9/13/2019 15:31 PM

I did, it was at my turning point of deciding I was getting rid, I took a long time to get there, I had a physically and emotionally abusive cheater so it was a weird path I took to kicking the bastard out. Boy was that a good feeling. I enjoyed meeting the ow. She was nice and polite and I actually got a lot of questions answered that I needed at the time. If you genuinely think it will give you closure then why not BUT the fact that you want to (even though you're happy) might indicate that you haven't let go of it all yet. If you dont it will eat away at you. I still dislike my XWH at times but due to current things, his OW I feel bad for, she is quite weak and will be destroyed by him, he very very nearly destroyed me.

ShatteredSakura posted 9/14/2019 22:33 PM

I once sent the OM a "letter" on facebook. Honestly, it didn't really help. I just felt more of a sap/chump.

The motivation was mostly I wanted to give him a piece of my mind. For a long time my WW would give me a song and dance of how "guilty" he felt at times while their PA was on/off, they never stopped texting each other. So months and months of her not seeing him didn't matter, even though she thought it did. My WW was getting all my anger, but I really wanted to target him too.

About 2.5 weeks ago, when basically WW and I ended things (she's been home once since then, briefly, and I'm basically picking up the pieces...packing her stuff, etc), I sent him a package of shit courtesy of "shit express" (google it), with a simple concise message that he's a "shitty man" who lacks honor and ethics.

Petty? You bet. But it felt satisfying and I actually haven't really been thinking about him. I'm still dealing with tons of other emotions with respect to my WW, but the OM isn't really bothering me at the moment.

The shit is packaged in a Tupperware, so it's not as a dramatic (or as illegal) of an unboxing as you may think. You can send it anonymously, and the container says (in addition to any custom message):

"I received a horse shit, what now? At first, think about yourself. Someone sent it to you probably because you hurt or insulted them consciously or unconsciously."

[This message edited by ShatteredSakura at 10:35 PM, September 14th (Saturday)]

Marz posted 9/14/2019 22:50 PM

Just inform her husband.

confronting her won't get you a thing.

Incarnate posted 9/15/2019 02:41 AM

If you want, write down what you would say, a way of journaling your thoughts and burn it. Releasing it from your mind and watching it burn into flames is very therapeutic.

This is what I plan on doing. STBEW bought me a set of journals that I used for various purposes throughout the years; two for my grimoires while I was a practicing pagan, and one for journaling. I only ever wrote in it when she and I were having trouble.

Now I write down every angry, aggressive, hateful thing that comes up to me. I pour out my pain into this one poor little book. And when I'm done, when I've filled its pages with bile, I'm going to burn it on a Viking funeral pyre along with my marriage license.

[This message edited by Incarnate at 2:42 AM, September 15th (Sunday)]

ShatteredSakura posted 9/15/2019 09:09 AM

President Harry Truman used to write angry letters then not send them; writing your thoughts down and letting them go I think is a good way to purge the thoughts from your mind.

I missed that the OW is married though, has her husband ever been notified of what happened? To be honest, I would find that more satisfying because that would do far more damage to her life than anything you could say directly to her. In my experience, the OM was single but I wish he had an OBS to spill the beans to.

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