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Newest Member: Sunflower96

New Beginnings :
Dating and old traumas

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 Aquiestoy (original poster member #59800) posted at 3:45 PM on Friday, August 23rd, 2019

Got my feet wet dating and met some interesting guys, I noticed I gravitate towards guys with kids. Anyhoo...I’ve met someone and I’m smitten with him. We really close really quick. He’s not a bs but he is also on the last leg of his divorce like me. He’s got a son around my son’s age, very family oriented friendly and we get along very well. I’ve looked for red flags but besides the normal guy stuff lol he’s cool. He’s 7 years younger and I’ve got over that trauma haha but he went from being and over texted to some text daily in the last two days...is this normal? We’ve been seeing each other for 3 weeks and it’s been non stop texting and going on dates when we both were able to and kid free. We knew we were going to have a harder time seeing each other once things settled and school started and I get that. Just wondering if I should be concerned

posts: 568   ·   registered: Jul. 23rd, 2017
id 8425856
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WornDown ( member #37977) posted at 3:58 PM on Friday, August 23rd, 2019

Should I be worried?

At this point, probably not. It's normal to drop off a bit after the initial rush. That said, if things drop off completely, it's worth having a talk about his, and your, communication styles/expectations - just to make sure there's still interest.

I’ve looked for red flags but besides the normal guy stuff lol he’s cool

Normal guy stuff? What? Scratches his butt/junk? Farts?

Just kidding...

Me: BH (50); exW (49): Way too many guys to count. Three kids (D, D, S, all >20)Together 25 years, married 18; Divorced (July 2015)

I divorced a narc. Separate everything. NC as much as humanly possible and absolutely no phone calls. - Ch

posts: 3359   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2013   ·   location: Around the Block a few times
id 8425869
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 Aquiestoy (original poster member #59800) posted at 6:21 PM on Friday, August 23rd, 2019

Lol worn down: fart humor hates veggies it’s a sports fanatic . Nothing too bad lol

posts: 568   ·   registered: Jul. 23rd, 2017
id 8425964
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traicionada ( member #10310) posted at 7:21 AM on Saturday, August 24th, 2019

I get that. Just wondering if I should be concerned

What’s going on that pretty head of yours?

Real love is a CHOICE, NOT a feeling...

posts: 4020   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2006   ·   location: Dallas, Texas
id 8426353
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Emotionalhell ( member #39902) posted at 1:55 PM on Sunday, August 25th, 2019

My counselor told me that a man that moves quickly in a relationship is a red flag.

Me BS x2. 50ish Divorced WH #1. IHS with wayward #2 Dday #1 Oct. 2014Dday # 2 August 2018. Dday #3 December 17th.

posts: 1780   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2013
id 8426772
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Cooley2here ( member #62939) posted at 3:20 PM on Sunday, August 25th, 2019

When you meet his family is when the real person shows up, good or bad. I wish all of us had had the good sense to simply watch the way our new loves were around their families. That’s when you get to see red flags, if any.

If he slowly backs away let him. You will find the right person if you stay true to yourself.

When things go wrong, don’t go with them. Elvis

posts: 4610   ·   registered: Mar. 5th, 2018   ·   location: US
id 8426796
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ChoosingHope ( member #33606) posted at 5:59 AM on Friday, September 13th, 2019

Three weeks isn't very long. It's not a relationship yet. You're just getting to know each other and seeing if you might be a fit. Just relax and enjoy the whole dating process. If he slows down or ghosts himself away, it has nothing to do with you.

I firmly believe that any man who wants to be with you will let you know that all the time. So please don't get too attached at three weeks - though I know this is easier said than done! Many other fish out there if this one doesn't work out.

And better to know at three weeks than three months or three years!

posts: 1855   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2011
id 8436707
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EvenKeel ( member #24210) posted at 1:42 PM on Friday, September 13th, 2019

This is such a fun stage of getting to know someone. Lots of excitement, etc.

It is usually around the six month part that folks begin letting down their hair a bit so you can see the person's flaws (and see if it is something that works for you, etc).

At three weeks, I am concerned you might be over-vested in this new relationship. I know it is hard not too be but try to step back a little and wait. Wait to see what he does. Wait to see if his words match his actions, etc. He might be dealing with something you are not aware of. He might just be busy. He might be taking a breather. It could be 101 things or nothing at all. I dated a guy and after a few months I found out he suffered from depression. He would just go dark for a period of time and then resurface as his old self. You never know what someone is dealing with.

I say - if you like him and want to continue to see how it goes. Just observe for a little and see what happens.

I don't think I would be having that "what is going on conversation" at this point.

Did you guys become exclusive already? Or are you both open to multi-dating?

posts: 6985   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2009   ·   location: Pennsylvania
id 8436837
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