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First relationship in 30's?

Pages: 1 · 2

DashboardMadonna posted 7/23/2019 14:25 PM

I agree with other have said; RED FLAGS!

I feel like I'm reading the screen play for a politically correct reboot of "40-year-old-virgin"- a coming of age tale.

I could bet you she has some serious "daddy issues". You have children (assuming some of them are young), they dont need stable mable as a step mom contender. I see someone like this, as emotionally stunted, it would essentially be like raising a daughter. Kind of creepy.

[This message edited by DashboardMadonna at 2:35 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]

Hobbyist posted 7/23/2019 15:42 PM

That's the thing - I've known girls like this and they're all clearly weird. She seems normal, thus my curiosity.

Superesse posted 7/23/2019 17:17 PM

Wow, you guys! I am amazed at the judgmental prejudice displayed here, and the "go hire a prostitute" advice? My gosh, as someone who has always loved sex and whose 2nd husband turned her down in favor of secret sex with prostitutes, (how I found SI) I don't even have words...

WhoTheBleep posted 7/23/2019 17:42 PM

I don't think the prostitute comment was literal, at least I hope it wasn't. Not only because of the trigger factor here at SI, but because of that pesky little thing called human trafficking.

I do fear sounding judgmental regarding no premarital sex. However I stand by my assessment that it is a red flag. We're talking not even a kiss and she's in her 30s. Obviously it's not a religious thing if she let Hobbyist kiss her before marriage. No one here knows what her reasoning is. But it is some kind of red flag, that much I know.

LostHope8008 posted 7/23/2019 17:57 PM

Of course it wasnít literal. The problem is people take everything thatís said and always apply it to their own situation. Even when the comments are not for them. If I had a nickel for every triggery comment...

WornDown posted 7/23/2019 21:06 PM

Wow, you guys! I am amazed at the judgmental prejudice displayed here, and the "go hire a prostitute" advice? My gosh, as someone who has always loved sex and whose 2nd husband turned her down in favor of secret sex with prostitutes, (how I found SI) I don't even have words...

As someone who has dated women for 4 months and NOT had sex with them because they wanted to take things slow...

They were in their mid/late 40s.

They had baggage/been burned by previous relationships. Makes 100% perfect sense.

Some one who has never even kiss a guy in 35 years?

Yeah...that's a red flag.

Superesse posted 7/23/2019 22:50 PM

Okay, I get that she's not typical today of women who haven't been 'spoken for' early in their adult years. We haven't got enough information to know why she wasn't in some sort of sexual relationship, yet many of the replies here warn 'she is likely flawed in some fundamental way, and no doubt will disappoint the OP.'

All of us are here, I assume, due to our spouses' unwillingness or inability to control their sexual urges, which...I don't know...maybe she has somehow managed to do? I mean, she could be 'selling him an image,' she could have major buried issues, or...maybe not. Just sayin.'

Loukas posted 7/24/2019 00:40 AM

I was in a similar position, Hobbyist. I was dating a woman in her mid 30ís who had never been in a relationship before, that includes anything physical/sexual.

When she first shared that with me, I was a little shocked. Not because I thought there was something wrong with her emotionally or mentally. I was more concerned about her lack of experience with relationships overall. Talking with her, she had theories and ideals of what a relationship would/ should look like, but absolutely no lived experience to back it up.

To me, that was my red flag. I view any experience as a good thing, even if those experiences werenít. They shape our views and interactions with our current partners or future ones. Without that, weíre just a blank slate, and thatís where I had an issue. Having been married and watched itís demise, Iíve been given earned experience. I couldnít see her and I on the same playing field. I mean sheís never had her heartbroken! As cruel as that may sound, how could anyone truly love without knowing the pain?

I donít know, we dated about a month. The responsibility of being her first, for everything, was a yolk I didnít want to bear. For me, the sex was the least of my concerns, she deserved someone like her, who could learn and grow with her, not teach her.

homewrecked2011 posted 7/24/2019 19:55 PM

There is a big push nowadays to not let your children date. At all.

Yep, I know it sounds strange, but the parents think you are supposed to only go places with a group of friends, (church friends usually), and when you are about 21 youíll know who youíre supposed to date and then marry.

The theory is that you need to protect your heart, not give up that part of yourself (heart and head) until you are ready to get married...

Idk, maybe her family was like that.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 8:05 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)]

Tecuacuicani posted 7/26/2019 00:26 AM

Eh, I was in a similar position. I had experience, he had none. He was super normal too.

We have been together 17 years.

Hawke posted 7/29/2019 10:01 AM

I had zero experience until my late 20s. In retrospect, I wish I had obtained some experience earlier, but it wasn't a priority for me and I felt the risks outweighed the benefits.

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