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Recently found out my dad might be cheating, what do i do?

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Wool94 posted 7/1/2019 13:24 PM

My heart has sunk with every message you've written on here, Bluebox.

Not for anything you've done, but for what you've had to go through.

I feel a little better knowing that maybe you aren't all alone now and this isn't your burden to bare.

You are continually in my thoughts and prayers.

(My phone originally typed that you were in my thoughts and oysters. )

Bluebox posted 7/1/2019 16:17 PM

Hmmm cant fine a free download of "How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair" by Linda MacDonald. Will keep looking though.

Thank you Wool94, I sobbed in relief earlier that it's finally out in the open, but now i am very anxious about seeing my sister tomorrow!

Odonna posted 7/1/2019 16:58 PM

Google “Linda MacDonald Help Spouse Heal Affair pdf” and it is the fifth entry at scribd. I will see if the mods will allow posting the direct link.

MamaDragon posted 7/2/2019 09:40 AM

I'm so sorry - I had a feeling your Mum knew and that was why she was drinking so heavily.

Hope everything goes well with your sisters.

To bad you can't just tell the OW that your Dad is losing everything so there is nothing for her to look forward to. Best to leave snakes alone though.

Odonna posted 7/2/2019 17:26 PM

How did it go Blue?

I wish I could give you a big hug!!


Bluebox posted 7/2/2019 17:33 PM

All went ok, he hadn't told them, or mum. Just that he has a very close friend called ****** who he is helping out. Me and him have fallen out because I cant handle him having a friendship with a woman because of my history with myexws, has called me delusional because I think that it's more than a friend. He has completely wiped his hands with me, abandoned me. Says I've gone in direct competition with him work wise, and my sister says hes going to get nasty with me and try take me down with him.I showed her the conversation me and him have had and how hes admitted hes slept with her. Hes basically blackmailed me so I've been unable to say anything (any fall out being my fault). Hes told them my boyfriend has been manipulating me to believe these things about him and stand up to him.

Shes said shes done with him, the kids wont see him anymore, and has told mum she needs to speak to me. That i have no reason to lie about what hes done to me etc so mums going to ask me on friday when we go out for lunch.

I feel bad for him I really do, but yeah hes basically using me as a scape goat. Turning it all on me, my fault. My sister wants mum out of there and quickly. And I know my dad will now blame it on me if mum does leave.

Odonna posted 7/2/2019 18:05 PM

Such a betrayal by your own father. That is gutting. I am so sorry.

Was it just one sister or both? Will she/they be with you on Friday when you see your mum? What about your uncle? This may be the time to enlist his help. You need to have a support system for YOU! You have borne the brunt of this alone for far too long!

Lean on us here as much as you want!!

ibonnie posted 7/2/2019 19:23 PM

On May 5th, I said,

Then tell your family ASAP before he starts a campaign against you, and telling your sisters or your mother that you're somehow jealous of the OW or have some vendetta against her, that way when you say something, he's already planted seeds of doubt.

This is exactly what I feared would happen! Please don't wait any longer and give him time to disparage you to your mum or uncle. Shoe the the proof you have ASAP.

Bluebox posted 7/3/2019 01:22 AM

Just my older sister, the one with the kids, my younger sister is in denial and doesnt want to know. My older sister has told mum she needs to speak to me, and mum has said she will when she sees me froday, and she'll listen to what I have to say. So most likely my mum will start the conversation, so I'll feel able to talk to her then, the starting point is always the hardest.

My sister thinks mum needs to know before I speak to my uncle, has asked me to tell mum friday lunch, but if I cant go through with it not to worry as she'll do it friday evening.

She 100% believes me, knows i have no reason to lie, told her i have the evidence but she said she didnt need to see it as believed me anyway.

I am still upset for my dad though, hes lost everything and doesnt know it yet, and all for some flussie that wont stick it out with him :( especially once his business goes down too :(

Bluebox posted 7/3/2019 11:13 AM

I saw him briefly today, and he looks so unwell, but hes had to come into work, even though he only got out of hospital last night, because he can no longer rely on me to cover his work it is no longer our business so he cant lean on me for support :(

I feel horrendous, I feel like I've betrayed him, and yet he is trying to turn everyone against me. Hes going to loose everything, and everyone is going to think so low of him, and it makes me cry so much. I know hes made his bed, now will suffer the consequences I just wish he didnt have to go through what's coming. All the tenants at the office know how hes been treating me and what hes said to me and also to my sisters, and they all want nothing to do with him. Hes ruined everything because some gold digging skank has manipulated him into falling in love with her and not care what he looses in the process. Why didnt he just listen to me at the start

I dont want to loose him from my life but he is forcing me away, he is making it very hard for me to forgive him in the future. Why is he doing this

Stevesn posted 7/3/2019 12:08 PM

You betrayed no one. You tried to walk a fine balance among your family members and gave him every opportunity to begin to repair the damage he caused. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Sometimes we need to let our loved ones fall and hit bottom. Only then can we offer a hand to get them back to a good place again. But that will be on him to decide if he choose to confront the actions that led himself to this place.

You love him. But that doesn’t mean you need to accept his abuse. And it appears you will have lots of support during this process which is a good thing.

You can forgive a Remorseful loved one when he shows himself, and even heal. But until he feels that and begins to communicate as a proper father again. Only time will tell.

Odonna posted 7/3/2019 13:18 PM

I am so sorry you are suffering. Back when you first posted this is just what you feared, and you were even willing to keep your dad’s secrets forever if he would just give the OW up. Many here forewarned this was unlikely to work, but the right to try was yours alone. And you tried your best and were honest and direct with your dad. His choice not to confess and own his conduct but instead to go to war with you (both in business and the family) is one of the saddest things I have seen on SI.

But you are the heroine here, because you worked so hard to walk that fine line and protect your family while not tolerating infidelity. It is too soon for your mum or sister(s) to thank you, but let us here at SI give you the praise you deserve. One day, hopefully — probably quite some time down the road — your father will own all this and get into IC and do his damndest to restore his family’s trust. If he does that, and truly becomes remorseful, then he will be grateful to you, too. But whether or not that happens, you did him and your entire family a solid.

Hold your head high!

[This message edited by Odonna at 1:20 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]

RubixCubed posted 7/3/2019 13:52 PM

Why is he doing this

His ego won't let him admit his daughter caught him in the wrong. It also won't let him acknowledge what a shit heel he is for doing what he did and treating you the way he has.

Cooley2here posted 7/3/2019 14:00 PM

Bluebox, there are so many posters here whose husbands/wives are you father’s age and who lost their minds. It is always the collateral damage. Spouses, children, siblings, friends, parents are blindsided. Cheaters leave a trail of broken hearts. I am so sorry you, and your family, have to go through this. Your father has made some poor choices in his life. Be strong and look after yourself. You have done nothing wrong.

Bluebox posted 7/4/2019 13:31 PM

I am struggling today, my mum and dad had a conversation last night agreeing they are no more than companions now... This is the conversation/realisation I tried to get him to do back in April! Why wait until my sisters know (I don't think he knows they have spoken to me and now know) So they're looking to separate regardless of the conversation i have with my mum tomorrow. I do feel, does she really need to know now... but its too late for that now my sisters know if I don't tell her they will.

I can't stop feel so sorry for him for whats to come, everything we've built with the business is now in jeopardy :( one of the tenants told me today all 3 of them are planning to leave at once, and soon :( they can't stand feeling uncomfortable there.

He snapped at the one who is also OWs friend today, and i've not seen him talk to OW for a few days... i know her friend has told her not to bother coming back to the office, but i'm now wondering if the OW has broken it off with my dad because of it all, so he's angry at the friend.

I'm worried he's going to be left with nothing and nobody :( I don't want that for him, but right now he hates me :(

Wool94 posted 7/4/2019 13:40 PM

I am so sorry, but remember, this is his bed and that's how he made it.

This is killing you, but you've got to realize, you can't save him from himself.

Just hang on for the ride. You've had it so hard for so long.

[This message edited by Wool94 at 1:40 PM, July 4th (Thursday)]

beauchateaux posted 7/4/2019 13:51 PM

I’m sorry you have to go through this. But you know what? I hate having to discipline my kids, but I know if there aren’t consequences for their actions, they’ll never learn wrong from right.

Your dad has behaved like a child, and he needs to relearn that his actions have consequences. Right now he’s blaming you, but you need to keep repeating to yourself that it’s NOT your fault. You are his child, not his accomplice.

Hang in there and keep posting.

Odonna posted 7/4/2019 16:14 PM


How do you know about this conversation? Was it on intercepted text? I worry that all this sleuthing is hurting you mentally.

So much is being heaped on your shoulders! Why do you not have an ally to go to lunch tomorrow? Please call your uncle tonight and get some family support. Yes, I know your sister said to wait, but she is not the boss of you. AND YOU NEED HELP!

Again, you are the heroine in this story. Adjust your cape and fly high!

Odonna posted 7/4/2019 23:29 PM

I think it will soon be morning there,
And this is a big day for you.

i am thinking of you!

Bluebox posted 7/5/2019 02:05 AM

Yeah picking her up in 4hours... hoping hes not going to be at the house!

Hes definitely not talking to OW the way he was so I've not been able to see if they have been talking or if they've stopped! He's also deleted all our messages, not sure why :/ deleting me from his life I guess :(

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