SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it's more than likely a duck. This sure sounds like a duck.

One of the reasons some of us experienced such a severe degree of betrayal is because when things seemed "off" we let it go. Maybe things would be different if we hadn't. Maybe a spouse thinking about doing something wouldn't have. Who knows. All I know is when I see smoke, I know there's a possibility there's not fire but I am going to investigate to make sure.

[This message edited by CincyKid at 3:32 PM, July 20th (Friday)]

Why would she need to be wet for you when she gets home when you just said neither of you really have the time or privacy to do the deed?

She suggested that it would be to tease me.

Yeah, this sounds really stupid. Hence the "warning" red light in my gut.

Ask who that number is. Take her phone. You know the drill.

Nope. Yes. Yes.

I'm sorry, but I don't believe her. Not one bit.

If she wanted to make herself wet on the way home (which sounds like bullshit, but let's just give her the benefit of the doubt here), why wouldn't she take a toy that she was already used to? Why would she choose THAT MOMENT to break in this unused one?

Nope nope nope. I call bullshit.

((((barcher))))

C2H,

Yup, while... Well cleaning the pipes, yeah that works, I had run across a step by step guide on how to quickly spread ex's (like how to hashtag images or abuse AdWords so they come up on top image searches) nudes with without leaving any tracks to somewhat subvert the revenge porn laws.

Sharing nudes is probably one of the dumbest things you can do in the modern age.

Didn't you say you were planning on having sex later? People are not always specific in their language. Maybe she meant she wanted to be ready later, not necessarily at home?

I don't know your wife. While some parts of it are odd, others really don't seem to be. I stand by my recommendation to let the element of surprise pass so you can really listen to your gut.

I doubly stand by it now that there is a strange number popping up. Keep your cool, get a hold of your surprise, listen to your gut, and observe.

I also don't believe her.

Had you noticed the egg was in there prior today? I know you said you are in the safe daily. Could it be possible she has had it longer than just today and forgot and she had been keeping it at work or with her (sounds more likely) but I can't imagine keeping a sex toy in my car or at work!?

I have never traveled to work with a sex toy of kind, I own a few including one with a little remote, and they don't leave the house. I understand the idea of getting wet prior to sex but not when a long drive with kids is coming, and also the use of probably public restrooms (gross) along the way, I'd probably want to freshen up before hand, negating the idea of getting wet that far prior. None of it adds up.

[This message edited by pinkpggy at 3:50 PM, July 20th (Friday)]

ZMW,

I'm going to assume the egg if the most discrete and hands-free toy they have.

So that part would check out.

I mean.. it's probably a lot harder to drive and go to town on yourself with a dildo then just popping in and egg and turning it on.

Barcher144, please turn to your network of real life support people as you go forward. The number popping up, the gut feeling with the missing egg and your recent questions about R or D, just make sure you keep people in the loop that know about your struggles and seek help if you need it. I hope you don’t need it - I hope everything is explained adequately, but if it’s not...go to whomever will help you see the way forward and support your healthy coping mechanisms.

(((Barcher)))

B144,

Just wanted to throw this out, and I mean absolutely no offense, but maybe this is a situation where Hanlon's razor applies. "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity".

We all know cheaters aren't always the smartest or most aware bunch, given that it's entirely possible this is just a series of stupid but well meaning choices.

Didn't you say you were planning on having sex later? People are not always specific in their language. Maybe she meant she wanted to be ready later, not necessarily at home?

Nope. It was absolutely 100% that "later" meant circa 10pm.

Barcher144, please turn to your network of real life support people as you go forward.

Yeah, well, a 15 year battle with depression has left me with no network of real life support people.

This is what happens when social isolation is a symptom of your depression.

[This message edited by barcher144 at 4:48 PM, July 20th (Friday)]

Barcher,

You have therapists that will support you. Your response scares me Barcher. You do know that no matter how this all shakes out, you’re going to be okay right? I need you to assure me you see the options in front of you. I can tell you feel very alone right now but you also have us. I can tell you a number of responders - myself included - will be following your posts and respond with support over the next few days.

You might feel alone...but you’re not.

You have therapists that will support you. Your response scares me Barcher. You do know that no matter how this all shakes out, you’re going to be okay right?

Oops. I get you. I'm the suicidal guy with depression. (sorry, I don't always think of myself that way)

For now, I am doing fine. I will definitely get help if I need it in that way.

As stupid as it sounds, the day that I attempted suicide was NOT my worst day. I've been a lot worse since then. I have an emergency plan in place. I know how to use it -- I have used it (November and December 2017 were really bad).

p.s. Don't panic if there is nothing but radio silence for the next couple of days. If all goes well, then I shouldn't have internet access.

[This message edited by barcher144 at 4:51 PM, July 20th (Friday)]

Barcher, I hope for your sake that this is all a misunderstanding but unfortunately I don't think it is either. Her story doesn't pass the smell test. We are all here for you regardless of the outcome.

Oh barcher,

Her story does not sound plausible.

From what I understand, that particular toy is best used when the remote is given to your lover. Who turns it on and off at will. Ostensibly driving you crazy all night.

Now, she could be fluffing, but unless she’s gonna continue fluffing the whole time riding with the kids, her wetness would be gone.

And, barcher, please reach out if you find yourself spiraling here.

No rabbit holes, no dark passages, you’re going to be fine.

[This message edited by Greeneyesbluezy at 5:04 PM, July 20th (Friday)]

I’m sorry Barcher, I hope I didn’t offend you. And I know you’ve done a lot of work since then - just want to keep you out of that rabbit hole.

, but unless she’s gonna continue fluffing the whole time riding with the kids, her wetness would be gone.

GreenEyes beat me to it. This ^^^^^^^

She's full of it.

Wanting to fluff ahead of time makes sense to me. Trying out a new toy for the first time while driving does not. Using a brand new remote control toy solo while driving makes even less sense. Why bother with a somewhat complicated toy versus one that she already uses?

I really have no idea, though. What matters is that your gut is telling you something’s off.

I felt like your wife may have just made a series of mistakes until the unknown number comes into play. My WS has made a mistake or two with best intentions in mind. Hopefully this isn't worst case scenario.