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Newest Member: darkdustythoughts

Divorce/Separation :
Stay No Contact - Post It Here 2

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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 4:43 AM on Wednesday, December 3rd, 2025

Bump

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 4913   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8883431
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1345Marine ( member #71646) posted at 8:36 AM on Wednesday, December 3rd, 2025

You sent me a text today asking me about some car troubles your having, and I just told you how to set up having it taken care of by a professional, which mechanic shop I'd trust for what the problem likely is. You tried to guilt trip me because I won't try to fix the problem like I've always done in the past, or get everything set up if I couldn't fix it for you.

I desperately wanted to ask you where all the men are that you've been flirting, sexting, swapping sexy pictures, and some even having sex with? These guys that instantly popped back up when I said I'd had enough, I was out. The same guys you swore were gone, but now they suddenly are always up for an evening get together or to stay up chatting or whatever you do on your phone. You mean to tell me you've played your hand so poorly that you're giving yourself away for men who won't lift a single finger to help you in a time of need? It sounds to me like you're really not as valuable to all of them as you thought, and it kind of makes me sad for you. You're going to realize really soon that you had it made, and you threw it all away. You've never paid a bill, every dime you've ever earned was just your play money. You've never had to worry about any sound a vehicle made or a something breaking at the house, you just rested knowing that was on my shoulders, both in the earlier part of our marriage when you were faithful and continuing while you used me to hold up and sustain the visible part of your life while you betrayed me in your secret life. In the last half decade while you've been so busy with your cheating double life, I've taken care of the kids and the laundry and the dishes and the chores around the house. You come home to groceries I went out and got, paid for, and put away in the house just waiting for you. You had a man who gave you incredible sex regularly, it was perhaps the only thing we did fantastically in our relationship together. Nothing about that was fake. And it still wasn't enough? You still had to have other men who were more light in their spirit, other men who were more fun and made you feel good with their flirtation and lighthearted compliments that flowed freely. Maybe now you're going to find out, as you see from afar me become more lighthearted and carefree and you become more weighted down by the drudgery of life, that there was a reason I couldn't be like all the other men. They won't even help you with a car. They carry none of the weight of your life. And as the responsibility for you shifts to your own shoulders, it's going to feel heavy. You're weak, like a newbie stepping in the weight room who's never lifted a weight. It's going to feel heavy, while my load I've been carrying for a decade gets lighter as I begin to only carry the weight of me and our kids. You're going to find out exactly why I didn't have the energy to be constantly complimenting and upbeat like all the other part time guys. You think my exhaustion wore on you because I was a buzzkill, just wait until it's your own. You had it made in a way millions of other women would kill to have, and you gave it away for part time thrills.

But I didn't say any of that. I just told you who I'd trust if I couldn't fix the car. I think you're going to be shocked to find though, that he charges triple digits per hour to do what I did out of love for you. Good luck with all those carefree boys though.

posts: 122   ·   registered: Sep. 22nd, 2019   ·   location: Eastern US
id 8883441
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InkHulk ( member #80400) posted at 2:06 PM on Wednesday, December 3rd, 2025

Heard, Marine. crying

People are more important than the relationships they are in.

posts: 2762   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2022
id 8883454
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Arnold01 ( member #39751) posted at 3:19 AM on Sunday, December 7th, 2025

Marine, I'm glad your load is getting lighter, and I hope that life without WW gives you peace and joy.

Here's my "stay no contact", after having had zero contact with XWH for months:

This week you emailed me out of the blue to ask me a random question. And you ended the note by saying that you know our adult kids are hurt, sad, and angry, but you're still shocked that they have erased you from their lives.

It's coming up on one year since DD2, which is also the last time your kids saw you or spoke to you.

Yet you still don't get it. The kids are not hurt, sad or angry. They are disgusted. By your behavior. They recognize your lack of emotional maturity - and your refusal to go to IC or do the hard work on yourself - as pathetic. They are choosing to include people in their lives who deserve to be there, and currently, you don't.

And our kids erased you? As if you are their victim? What you should have written was "I behaved in a way that caused my kids to distance themselves from me for their own mental health and emotional safety."

Me: BW. Together 27y, M 24y
D-Day 1: June 2013
D-Day 2: December 2024
Divorced May 2025

posts: 215   ·   registered: Jul. 4th, 2013
id 8883783
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