SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Unintentional double post.

[This message edited by nomistakeaboutit at 5:07 AM, May 1st (Tuesday)]

Good for you. The nightmare of infidelity takes a little time to process. It sounds like you've now processed it. Some people never do, so you actually got there pretty quickly.

You did nothing wrong. This is his fault and not yours. It has nothing to do with you. This is a structural issue with your husband. Why is he this way? Who knows and who will ever know?

The tell-tale for you is that your husband is not down on his knees begging you to please give him another chance, that he knows what he did was wrong, that he is overwhelmed with regret and guilt and remorse. No. He's not sure what he wants to do. That means he wants out. Slam the door behind his ass as he leaves and change the damn locks. Move on and find the best therapist you can to help you sort this out.

Best to you. You did nothing wrong.

Hi everyone,

Checking in after day 3 of the 180! Well I have to say since implementing the hard 180 I feel a new sense of focus and direction how ever it’s mixed with anger! Wow was I ever angry yesterday! I realized that I’ve been suppressing my emotions since finding out! I only allowed myself the one outburst immediately following d day. I saw the therapist last night of course WS didn’t show up and he’s still blaming me! I texted him to ask if he was coming to counseling and he replied (I’ll share a sample of his text messages here):

“I have to worry about finding a place and everything in my life right now thanks to you!!! You don't give a shit about my life at all! It's all you and your feelings. It's too soon after this atom bomb that you dropped on me two days ago.”

(Still thinks he’s done nothing wrong and negates the real atom bomb he dropped on me April 14th his serial cheating)

Another sample text WS:

”You just threw my belongings out in a unit. You want me to keep paying for your counseling sessions lol.”

My reply text BS:

“I put your stuff in storage WS as a consequence for you not ending the other relationships like you agreed to in Therapists office! I said if you kept the whores you had to move out! What did you expect me to do? Suffer more heart break? I was hoping our Therapist could mediate for us as we try to make agreements about parenting our son!”

WOW 😲

people the hard 180 was the right call and I don’t think I could have detached from him without your help!

Thank you! You all helped me to fast forward toward healing.

So back to that like I said before this is so difficult and I’m on here because I woke up in a full blown panic at 2:30 am! Our son is hurting so much that all he wants to do is cuddle he fell asleep in my bed. He keeps reaching out for me during the night. He’s starting therapy this week

I also looked through one of the OW’s instagram accounts which was a bad idea because I saw and read her comments and posts as their relationship was heating up! BAD idea never gonna do that again! Letting Go is hard....

Moving on is in order when does this stop hurting?

Hi everyone,

Checking in after day 3 of the 180! Well I have to say since implementing the hard 180 I feel a new sense of focus and direction how ever it’s mixed with anger! Wow was I ever angry yesterday! I realized that I’ve been suppressing my emotions since finding out! I only allowed myself the one outburst immediately following d day. I saw the therapist last night of course WS didn’t show up and he’s still blaming me! I texted him to ask if he was coming to counseling and he replied (I’ll share a sample of his text messages here):

“I have to worry about finding a place and everything in my life right now thanks to you!!! You don't give a shit about my life at all! It's all you and your feelings. It's too soon after this atom bomb that you dropped on me two days ago.”

(Still thinks he’s done nothing wrong and negates the real atom bomb he dropped on me April 14th his serial cheating)

Another sample text WS:

”You just threw my belongings out in a unit. You want me to keep paying for your counseling sessions lol.”

My reply text BS:

“I put your stuff in storage WS as a consequence for you not ending the other relationships like you agreed to in Therapists office! I said if you kept the whores you had to move out! What did you expect me to do? Suffer more heart break? I was hoping our Therapist could mediate for us as we try to make agreements about parenting our son!”

WOW 😲

people the hard 180 was the right call and I don’t think I could have detached from him without your help!

Thank you! You all helped me to fast forward toward healing.

So back to that like I said before this is so difficult and I’m on here because I woke up in a full blown panic at 2:30 am! Our son is hurting so much that all he wants to do is cuddle he fell asleep in my bed. He keeps reaching out for me during the night. He’s starting therapy this week

I also looked through one of the OW’s instagram accounts which was a bad idea because I saw and read her comments and posts as their relationship was heating up! BAD idea never gonna do that again! Letting Go is hard....

Moving on is in order when does this stop hurting?

Screen shot her Instagram postings for your mental health when he tries to say nothing was going on. Btdt.

My XWH still says he didn’t have an affair even though they are married.

No contact = no new hurts.

Great idea to get your child in counseling. He’s going to have to deal with his Dad for many years, so hopefully the counselor will give him tools to help with this. It really helped my sons.

You keep going to counseling, too. I stuck with the same MC for IC bc she was really good. (WS went 1 time as said it didn’t help)

Great job in doing the 180 and detaching and moving forward! You acted decisively and this will help you heal.

Notice how when your WH is hit with the consequences of his infidelity how he whines that this is all so unfair to him. Has he said one word about empathizing with the pain his infidelity has caused you and your son. Of course not. It is all about him. He sounds so selfish and entitled. Sad. What a crock.

You are now in control. If he wants to get back together the onus is on him to demonstrate he is remorseful. Prepare for more whining and self pity texts from him. So sorry your son is suffering. It’s good he is also going to therapy. If he is in school, the school officials and teachers should be made aware that your son is under emotional stress.

You have acted very strongly to get out of infidelity. Your anger will still come in waves, along with sadness and pain. Please get IC for yourself to help you deal with this trauma. Strength to you and your son moving forward.

You're doing great jojo. Just keep doing what you're doing. The pain would be there whether you took control or not but it's much less when you take control as you have. You've taken the hardest step; you've gotten yourself out of infidelity. Now take some time to recuperate and decide what your future will be. Take care of yourself.

My nightmare continues! My WS was told by police that he has every legal right to be in our home where he pays the rent! He still had the key to my business door which is the bottom floor of our home and so he entered and has been here two days! I feel so stupid for not changing that lock too. MONDAY!

I petitioned the court for full custody of our son last week and was preparing to have him served and he went through my paperwork and stole his summons rendering it unservable.

MONDAY! The worst part about this is that I broke down and got caught up on Friday when he came back, when we were out having dinner with friends after our sons performance! I pretended that this nightmare wasn’t real and everything was fine and we slept together! That was Friday by Saturday morning I woke up and realized what I’d done. I’m back in the infidelity triangle and it feels like day one again! What the hell is wrong with me? I cried last night and he was so cruel and unloving. I guess I have to repeat the hard 180 steps and grow some balls!

Please keep a close eye on your son. He is living in a very volatile situation. My son had just turned 12 at DD. He developed a suicide plan.

These are some of the indicators. The not eating will stick out the most as will the withdrawal.

Signs and symptoms of teen depression:

Sadness or hopelessness.

Irritability, anger, or hostility.

Tearfulness or frequent crying.

Withdrawal from friends and family.

Loss of interest in activities.

Poor school performance.

Changes in eating and sleeping habits.

This situation is very horrible for your child to witness. Protect him.

Mojojo....how are you doing? I'm still attempting to keep up my home and live with someone who is not showing any signs of change. I am meeting with a lawyer next week to at least understand the process and hope maybe it will wake him from the fog. Just wondered how you are coping.

Mojo it's great that you are finding that strength. He's missed a great chance with you. I agree, don't think he will change.

Good morning friends

I took a little break from this site got real angry and decided to post a story about the OW on (no soliciting) boy was that site a real eye opener! There are so many women willing to provide their vaginas etc as comfort stations for men no matter what is going on in their lives or who they might hurt in the process. I also was not able to use the police to remove WS as he’s been coming back at night sleeping in our sons bed or trying to get back into ours. So I resorted to publicly shaming him! I outed the affairs on his wall on Facebook! And wrote a letter to his boss about his conduct at work with the young intern who is OW number 1.

5 minutes after the post a got a call from an elder man in our church. He said it wasn’t fair for me to post that on Facebook and that maybe what I wrote isn’t true!!!! I hung up on him then called him back and asked him if it was fair for me to live with someone who is actively cheating on me and won’t move out!

I basically said come and get your piece of shit Christian brother! And maybe publicly shaming him like the Amish do is the best thing for him! Well since WS has such a big ego it seems to be working he hasnt come back to try to stay over. He’s being re-served the custody summons today. I can’t reconcile with a man who doesn’t show any remorse or says he doesn’t see us together in 5 years! What’s the point! Go with blessings I’m choosing peace and no relationships for 2 years. I’m going to work on my co-dependency issues and keep the hard 180 in place. He wants to be friends and I said no this isn’t an episode of “Friends” or my five wives! I would never desire a friendship asked on lies so why stay friends?

[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:57 PM, May 15th (Tuesday)]

You are headed on a strong path to get out of infidelity. I am so sorry you have to go through this, I know it is very hard. Make sure you continue to take self care. Do nice things for yourself. You are correct: you can’t reconcile with a remorseless cheater.

Exposure is excellent. The elder from your church is an idiot. You did the right thing to call him out. Continue to use your anger to make the strong decisions to get out of infidelity. Is OW2 married. Please inform her OBS. Cheaters do not like to be exposed. Continue the strong 180. Good luck.

I always love the "can't we be friends" crap. My response to anyone that says that about a cheating spouse is to tell them to say "I'm not friends with people that lie to me and betray my trust".

OW#2 is not married she lives with her boyfriend and his 3 year old. She the one who is local and meets him on lunch breaks and oral sex after work and sext messages him and texts him constantly. I have her number so every other day I send her a photo or two of OW#1 just to mess with her! I don’t know her last name or where they live and since there is a child I don’t want to approach him I do know his name though because she named him in her text messages! I just want to say to everyone reading this please do not live with WS if they are not sincerely working on reconciliation! I’m learning it is not wise because you keep repeating DD! The more I ponder how completely disrespectful what he’s doing is toward me and women in general the more I realize that he isn’t the man I thought he was. I must be codependent in a very unhealthy way to even entertain reconnecting and reconciliation.

Yes yes yes!!!!! This is what is finally going to stop the pain for you.

Well done.

Hello everyone just want to post an update and gratitude for people who read and comment it means a lot to me! You have been a great comfort.

Yesterday was my 1 month mark since DD! A lot has changed in a short time but somethings remain the same: mostly my WS! Still blaming me, still cheating probably ( I don’t know and I don’t care), his nasty comments, and his sense of entitlement. I got an yucky feeling yesterday at 4:30 pm and I thought I better call the lock smith and have that final lock changed! 180.00 dollars not cheap. Job finished by 6:15 the whole house was secure finally and by 6:30 WS was on the back porch demanding to get in. Of course I didn’t let him in I talked to him through the bathroom window. He started saying he wanted his stuff and his dog then got nastier as I said No and not without a third party and pre arrangements etc. one thing that I see as a pattern in WS is that he wants control! He went to the front of the house with the dog put him in my car and drove off. So I followed him! He figured out that I was following him and pulled over we talked through locked doors and rolled down windows. He announced that I WS harassing him by following him( I don’t know where he is staying or who with and he wants to keep it that way) I said that’s what you are doing every time you show up unannounced! I promised to follow him each time he came over univited! He then said that he was on vacation and he was going to be for a long time and that he could do what ever he wanted, live with whoever and do anything he wanted and that I was a psycho bitch! The look in his eye was wild! Like an animal. I don’t know him anymore. 2 weeks ago I had sex with him and he was nice and I was hoping to reconnect and for reconciliation! He told me that OW #1 wasn’t in his life anymore I think her parents intervened thank God! I wish him well and pray for him but we are over! I feel so relieved it still lots of pain deep inside. Going to a mediation session tomorrow to discuss our son and family court in 2 weeks. Our son doesn’t want to see him or talk on the phone to him. ???? Any thoughts?

Wow!!! He’s crazy when he doesn’t get his own way.

And good for you. You up- ended his life due to his cheating and good for you. He thought he had control. Now he no longer has control over you and you can see his reaction.

Not “I’m sorry” I was wrong”.

Get a counselor for your son. He could use some third party help to process all this.

Mediation - get prepared and stand your ground.

Best of luck. You rocked the 180!!!

Good update Mojojo. Do you notice how it enrages him that you are in control and not him. He is a selfish narcissist. Please protect yourself and have a third party present. Do not meet with him alone. He will try to bully you. The more you ignore him and move on with your life, the more powerful you will feel. But be prepared that he will use every trick in the book. You are going to need a good support network of family and friends, and a good lawyer. But you have taken strong steps to get thru this better than most.

Wow, this guy sounds like a total Narcissist. He's definitely not the man you thought he was, because Narcissists aren't really human like we are... look up Narcissistic Personality Disorder. That look in his eyes that you saw when you were talking to him - that is what happens when their mask starts to slip once the realize they're loosing control of one of their sources of supply. You got a glimpse behind the mask. I know, I've known Narcissists, and when you see it, you just know. This guy shows no remorse because he's incapable of it - Narcissists are incapable of experiencing empathy and are not capable of genuinely loving or caring for anyone. Not you, not the OW, nobody. Keep that in mind.

You are doing all the right things by taking all steps to eliminate him from your life. Keep going! Do everything you can to reduce or eliminate contact with him, and get his stuff (and him) out of your house and life.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I, too, had a DDay exactly a month ago today. I know how horrendous the pain is, but once you detach completely, I think you'll start to feel better faster than you think.