SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi,

My basic story is in JFO. Summary below.

My WW started an affair with her boss at the job I got her due to my work connections. Its very public in our work field now.

He was married, claims his wife was cheating on him. Gossip says likely it was him cheating. Has well known reputation for pursuing married women. He was supposedly in R with his wife when started sleeping with mine.

AP is known recreational cocaine and alcohol user. Also a Gemini with no kids. 3 years younger than WW.

After 3rd NC breach during false R I kicked her out.

Weeks later they live together. Work together. Only them in their new office. 5 months now.

Family intro'd all around. Constant Facebook bragging about their true love since first week after kicking WS out. Things like #noregrets #dontknowwhativebeenthrough etc.

Just bought a car together.

He's signing bogus employment letters and pay stubs helping to hide her income. She's contracted/self employed under him.

Letter of employment says she makes about half what anyone else in the country makes at that job role.

Coming after me for spousal and child support even though I'm making about 40k less this year due to the stress of everything. DS13 full time with me, DD8 is 50/50.

I'm constantly told by friends and family the sparkles will wear off soon and she'll realize what she's doing to kids. I'm as close to NC as humanly possible with two young kids for my own sanity.

I'm trying to let go of the anger but having a tough time last couple weeks.

WW has never even hinted at remorse, no apologies. Blames me for everything. False claims of abuse made to DS. DS called bullshit on her.

WW has never apologized to the kids, not even for the way she chose to end our marriage. I don't believe the thought has ever crossed her mind.

What are the chances she's actually right? That this is "true love" and worth all the devastation left in her wake? That a piece of garbage like AP is actually a better person than the guy who suffered her emotional abuse for 17 years?

Am I crazy? Does this seem like a situation that can thrive?

Sorry you're getting served this shot sandwich.

The stats on affairs lasting are less than 10%. Some say 5%.

That's because your friends are right. Reality will come intruding. Wait till the OBS starts taking her pound of flesh in the divorce. Should get interesting then.

Realistically? Zero per-cent chance.

Honestly, consider for a moment your WW instead as the WW of another man whom you know. What would you say to your friend when he described what you just described?

Success rate? No one knows and it doesn't matter. From what it looks like both parties are determined to make it seem like this is loves new dream so this might be for a while but..

Look at the wreckage this affair has caused, for you and for OM's family, the fallout will be felt for years. Now your wife and the OM are making long term commitments both financial, emotional and social, should they break up there will be even more wreckage there as well. Question is how much b*llsh*t do you want shovelled under your door and brought into your kids life?

It hurts now but move on so you can move on from anymore fall out from the mess they will create.

One of them will cheat on the other. Statistically it is almost certain.

I believe the guy will cheat first.

But you need to be prepared for that likelihood.

My friend married her high school sweetheart. Found out he was a serial cheater with a child by his workplace A. Had three women he was cheating with at one time. Neighbors knew. His co-workers knew. Basically everyone but her and her family and friends knew.

They divorced. He remarried one of his OW - she was young and dumb. Believed everything he told her.

They had a child. Guess what? No surprise he started cheating on his wife. Next thing you know my friend gets a call from the current wife b/c she doesn't know what to do - b/c he is cheating. My friend is not very sympathetic but finds out that her XH is not over her and calls his current W by my friend's name ALL THE TIME!!

So that is what I suspect will be your W's fate. He will cheat on her soon enough. Don't be surprised by it but please be prepared for it.

So sorry for you and your kids. It will get better.

My serial cheater sister is on husband number 3. Her serial cheating adult daughter is on husband number 2 (she’s only 27). 97% of these relationships don’t last.

The problem is that people that make those kinds of choices just prove they are incapable of "real" love. So I would say no, it's not.

My marriage began as an affair. I was single, never married however my wife was married. She had another affair, with a married man, prior to having one with me.

Bottom line is that we have been married 36 years however, she has had multiple additional affairs that began 6 years into our marriage. Do some small percent of affair marriages last? I guess so, but certainly in my case it wasn't because of any change in her, serial cheated before our marriage, serial cheater after.

I doubt there are more than a handful of affair marriages that last and are a faithful, loving relationship.

I'm going to be frank about this, but I'm over 2 years out from DDay and divorce from a cheater.

The success rate of cheaters staying together is: who the fuck cares? If they stay together, they'll both be getting cheaters. If they don't, they're still cheaters. Please do what you can to get out of infidelity. Get a lawyer (and a forensic accountant, by the sounds of it) and do it yesterday. I can guarantee that once consequences are instilled, their love-fest won't be the same.

And don't pay attention to their social media BS. My exWW isn't with her AP, but with another guy she had move in with her RIGHT after the divorce was finalized. She loves to use hashtags like #imtheluckiest in reference to new guy. Yes, she's lucky that she was outed as a serial cheater, purposefully gave up 1/2 of her time with her son, and fucked over her loyal husband of 12 years. Oh, and she's lucky she can barely afford to pay her bills.

This is the worst time. We've all been there. Be gentle with yourself, but bring the hammer down. The faster you're done with this BS, the faster you'll be on the track to healing.

No, the chances are NOT good for them. Statistically 2nd marriages don't have a great shot and that's not even specific to marriages that start with infidelity.

To give you some anecdotal evidence...my father left my mother for another woman. They were married for about 15 years until he left HER for another woman. Then karma came back and bit him in the ass when wife #3 who was younger than his oldest child cheated on him with her boss and left HIM!

Stop watching their social media. No one puts out the truth on social media. My WH's AP was actively pursuing my WH and telling him how "into" him she was, how she was dreaming of him, wanting to date him and "intensely" thinking about him. AND ON SOCIAL MEDIA? Telling the world how much of a "catch" her poor BS was. The DAY after DDay she changed her FB pic to one of them and told the world how great her BS is. (Yes, he's gotta be pretty great to let you rugsweep your EA into a "mistake"). Her BS then posted about how "lucky" he was every day to be with her. So no, social media is not an accurate portrayal of one's life. It's a way to show your "best" to the world so they can be jealous of how great you are. (There are exceptions to this rule, but by and large this is how I feel about SM.)

[This message edited by TX1995 at 8:46 AM, October 20th (Friday)]

Of course it's not true love. He's a player. He'll get bored with his new toy soon enough. As for your WW, I don't know if she'll "wake up". She sounds very much like a sociopath. That means she'll never feel bad about what she's done to you and the kids because she lacks the capacity to feel bad about anything.

I'd advise you to plan your life with just you and the kids and to get her out of it as quickly as possible. You can really hold up a divorce if you want or you can offer her a very quick divorce while she's blinded by love for this creep as long as she gives up on alimony and basically gives you what you want.

I've read a LOT of stories where it's very advantageous for the BS to get everything that's best for them out of divorce if they move quickly while the WS still thinks their new thing is "love". Cheaters that are that much "in love" don't make wise decisions so strike now.

Just bought a car together.

Please, please, please, PLEASE tell me you live in the US and that both morons put their names on the Title (I'm assuming this isn't a loan but something they bought outright)

Because if they bought it outright, then you own 1/3 of their new love mobile. Morons.

She's a real piece of work, thinking she's entitled to child support when you split your younger daughter's care 50/50 AND you have full time custody of the older one. It would seem you're in the better position to hit HER up for child support.

Surely you have a copies of the last few years' tax records to prove her real salary? she's a real POS and so is her boyfriend.

That a piece of garbage like AP is actually a better person than the guy who suffered her emotional abuse for 17 years?

You don't yet see this as the gift it really is. Water seeks it's own level - she's as big a piece of garbage as he is. She's a complete FAILURE as a wife, a complete FAILURE as a mother, and a complete FAILURE as a decent human being.

Who cares what happens to these two imbeciles? Neither one of them have the common decency god gave your average dung beetle so why would they suddenly become pillars of society? Neither one of them knows how to be a decent, compassionate human being so of course their little house of lying cards will eventually collapse. Maybe not this week, or this month or this year ahead, but eventually it will. The universe always teds to eventually balance itself out.

I certainly hope you've retained the services of razor-toothed shark of a lawyer?

I have read that relationships born from infidelitynhabe a 3% chance of surviving.

He is a serial cheater. He is going to cheat again.

Just sit back and watch the fireworks. It shouldn’t take long.

As for her income. Have your lawyer request a copy of her bank statements showing the deposit if her pay.

Have your lawyer ask for her tax returns if

She has worked there long enough to show her income there.

I am glad your kids are seeing right through her blameshifting.

hope you get a good attorney.

Stay as far away as possible from her.

She will still try to put you in jail for abuse.

Keep the drop off in a safe place.

Sorry, but she is a lousy wife and mom.

Like a couple others have said...The success rate is who the heck cares. The chances are low, but there are definitely some to do last....And either way it means nothing to you and your life going forward..

I know it sucks, my ex WW took off with another man also. I know how that feels. As far as i know they are still together. And it matter to me not. I don't have any contact with her. It is easier for me though since i have no children...

Get a lawyer, move quickly. And get clear of her. Protect your finances and your future.

This is what I found in a study:

Over 75% who marry partners they were in an affair with eventually divorce.

80% of those who divorce during an affair regret the decision.

For every 100 people who have an affair, anywhere from 1-10 of them will marry their Affair Partner.

Of those, statistics say that 75% will divorce within 5 years.

So that means, MAYBE 1-3 out of 100 live “happily ever after” with their affair partner after leaving their spouse.

Think about that.

Thank you all for the replies.

@NoMercy I'm in Canada, unfortunately in this case. I don't even want their money. I just want them to disappear into space and leave my kids alone.

Of those, statistics say that 75% will divorce within 5 years.

I have seen adulterers who got married to AP make it past the 5 year mark, way past it and still ended up D

I believe that there are sometimes when a marriage is over but the parties haven't actually separated. Basically they cohabitate. Then one or both parties enter affairs that are more like real life dating than this fantastical bullshit of "I've found my true love. My soulmate. I must destroy everyone around me so I can have happiness ". I almost feel it's like the marriage has become roommates situation. In those rare instances, I think a relationship can sometimes be built. But it isn't fantastical. No one is professing their love publicly. It's that it was time to move on and they forgot to divorce first.

In the fantastical affairs where the parties are convinced after a couple of months they have met their soulmate and that any amount of devastation in their path is worth them continuing their relationship- yeah those relationships have a shelf life.

Here's the thing- in your case since your wife already moved out and clearly isn't interested in trying to even have an amicable divorce- then your attitude needs to switch to - who gives a fuck and they deserve each other. I guarantee your wife will not know true happiness or contentment unless she faces her life and finds remorse.