SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So I said, "if you gave me all your email info, why is it that I don't see any of these contact attempts he's made? Do you have another email account that you failed to reveal? What is it"

She says, "I don't remember. Stop pressuring me. You know all you're supposed to know."

You know I've been here off and on for almost 14 years and 36, I think yours win the big prize for being the most looney.

And I've seen a crazy or two....

[This message edited by twisted at 4:01 PM, October 6th (Friday)]

36,

Well played.

Yes, she is BatShitCrazy. Also understand that there is more to it than that. She believes she is "normal". She is immersed in a cheating lifestyle. To the UGGs, the CheerTeam, the inhabitants of the cesspool at work, this is "normal" behavior.

She'll report back to them about the latest convo, how controlling, how "crazy" you are. They will reinforce that view. That is the feedback loop that feeds her BSC.

I agree with the poster that said you run the risk of her agreeing to your conditions. Her CheerTeam may even advise that, because they can tell her all the ways to work around them.

You are an ATM and a Utility to her. Your lifestyle provide a base camp from which she could then go out into the cheating culture and lifestyle as it suited her.

You get this stuff now. So you know more drama is headed your way. You are most vulnerable in the face to face meetings. She has to devise a way to reel you back in. Shields up.

If you have a work site you go to I would expect her to show up there since she doesn't know where you are staying. Or 'there is no hot water', 'my car is broken down', "it's making a funny noise"...ATM/Utility stuff.

Her CheerTeam may even advise that, because they can tell her all the ways to work around them.

Hell, they don't want to put up with her shit either! They're trying to sent her back to you!

[This message edited by twisted at 4:13 PM, October 6th (Friday)]

Text message a little while ago:

She: "I'm at the salon and I just finished having my hair done. I need to pay and I'd like to leave a tip."

Me: "Here's a tip: don't go to the salon when you can't afford to pay. Please feel free to pass your predicament on to the hair stylist."

en fuego man, en fuego...

I know it's SO tempting to blast her after her crazy comments or requests, but the more you antagonize this bat shit crazy woman the more likely she'll do something even crazier (something worse than a false DMV charge).

What does it say about arguing with the village idiot?

You know why you're having a hard time with all of this? You keep thinking/focusing on all the good times over the years. From here on out, the minute you find yourself doing that, STOP YOURSELF IMMEDIATELY, and remind yourself of all the things she's done/said. Write it down on a card (or put it in your phone) and keep it with you at all times. Trust me when you start focusing on all SHIT she's done and stop thinking about the past or asking "why" the sooner you'll get closer to being in a better place.

Cancel ALL joint credit right now and get your own. All credit cards, lines of credit, everything with your name on it, because when she sees you get back on your horse and about to ride it to divorce court, she is going to reach a level of nasty you might not be able to fathom right now.

Fraud alerts with the credit bureaus too.

OP this nightmare of a woman straight calling out.?! smells like that POSOM is involved in this... Best thing to do silence completely ignore don’t even give her the time a day, she way beneath you buddy she’s a pile. By the way what are your SONS going to say about their POS Mother doing this to you.? Are they being informed of all that shenanigans or are they just sitting back watching the parade. Please fill us in.? Hang in there buddy

I actually did laugh out loud at that. BSC indeed.

Boom.

You have established that she is mentally unstable, and as others have explained such people perceive the world from their own unique perspective and lack perspective taking and remorse. There is no sense in communicating with her at this time or anymore, and at this point by making things uncomfortable for her you only escalate things. I am on your side, but she is still a human being and mother of your children. I do not understand what it still is that you want from her or hope for, if it is R then make it constructive, if it is R but now impossible you can also wait it out and go on a very long vacation or something, if it is D then now just be done with her and make it quick, but know that it always helps you if you remain civil (difficult but it serves your best interests).

36yearsgone,

Text message a little while ago:

She: "I'm at the salon and I just finished having my hair done. I need to pay and I'd like to leave a tip."

Me: "Here's a tip: don't go to the salon when you can't afford to pay. Please feel free to pass your predicament on to the hair stylist."

Your’e my kind of guy, by that I mean your humour is so like mine, burst out laughing when I read it, so funny, love it, love it, LOVE IT!

Regards BJE49

Haven't heard anything since yesterday afternoon.

I honestly think your wife is trying every angle and approach in the book. When one does not immediately bring the result she wants, she tries another. That, in itself, is revealing. It shows you how sincere she is about any of them.

You were wise not to reveal your whereabouts. Frankly, and I know this must all seem counter-intuitive, you will be better off keeping your wife in the dark about a lot of things you are doing, because she snd the OM are clearly still in touch, and she will feed back to him. The weird thing is, she says she doesn't want a divorce, then acts this crazy and deceitful.

If I were you, when you next plan to go back to the house, take your pal the cop. You never know what nonsense she may be trying to set up in your absence.

[This message edited by M1965 at 12:37 PM, October 7th (Saturday)]

Your kids are bad mouthing you? When are you going to tell them the gory details? Sex At work, flirting in your own home, OM sleeping with multiple people at office combined with no condons, his criminal record, his current accusations, joking about wishing you were dead, false dv charge, sneaking out while you were sleeping, saying shes sorry only she caught, how ruthless she was for awhile after dday, it's not the first time she cheated, staying friends with people at the office and people that helped cover up her affair, etc... when your son said she was remorseful how did you not explode and spout all of this off to him?

[This message edited by brandnewwhammy at 1:13 PM, October 7th (Saturday)]

Hello. I am new to the site. I wanted to make a suggestion. Tell her if she wants to begin reconciliation, then she needs to clear your name with family and friends. She needs to admit what she has done and clarify your innocence in the matter. She should do this in front of you so you can witness this. To me that is a good first step when she asks what to do to save your marriage. Clear my name.

WilliamM

You offer excellent advice. Thank you.

Just to expand on this. It has to be more than "Son, what I told you about 36 is untrue", "Cheer Team, forget everything I said about 36 being a bad guy".

She needs to list all of these people and list what she has told them about you. Essentially this is exposing her false rationale for the A, her blame shifting, minimizing, deceitful actions.

You end up with a list, an inventory, an admission. Then you fashion what you need from her to make it right. One thing would be NC with all those bottom feeders after she confesses her deceit about you to them.

Mind you, I don't know how you would go about doing this in a meaningful way. I think you get your list first. Then you go after her about the need to revisit the deceit to everyone of those people.

NC with them is the thing you want her to understand must be donee. Restoring your reputation with low life bottom feeders...ummm...not sure you gain much. Because, well, they are bottom feeders.

Absolutely:

1. She restore your reputation with your family. She exposes the extent of her A. She exposes her disrespect post DDay. All in front of you.

2. She tells you all of the people who knew about the A. Those that helped her cover up the A. Any one advising her. These are the people that must be NC. Again, it has to be more that "I promised 36 that I would never be in contact with you. Do not contact me". It has to be an admission: "I told 36 that that you covered for me when I met POSOM. I no longer want to be in contact with because I am trying to save my marriage"

Why do you suffer this woman?

Love and concern go only so far. This is an irredeemable train wreck.

Throw her to the curb, and invest your time in finding someone else.

Don't compromise.

PT Barnum once said there's a sucker born everyday. Don't be one of them.

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 6:30 PM, October 7th (Saturday)]

I have to say, on an emotional level, that no matter how much bat shut crazy I experience, this is still a difficult thing to go through.