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I agree with Booyah. Yes I wrote two very thought out responses to 36 just to have them ignored and just for him to set himself up for further failure.

I was right about the false DV charges.

36 better find some character soon. Otherwise he loses everything he owns plus his disgusting wife who isn't worth keeping.

He keeps talking about his 'logical' mind but we all know that crazy cheaters aren't logical and therefore he's failing.

I would offer him further advice if he would accept it but he's leading himself to ruin or being a cuckold. Neither are good.

I wish he would listen to the good people of this board. He deserves better than the headcase wife he has but only if he tried to do better

WOW...who would try to bust the father of their kids with a DV charge?

You could of done some time in county....At the very least lost a huge amount of income that would have gone to the kids/grand kids....My point is your old lady phucked with you in sich a way you have to really consider who you are now dealing with.

I mean this shyt could have gone south so bad!!!

It's time to open up a 55gal. can of woop @ss and fight for your self preservation.

Ya poor you...I feel for you...but it is time to cover your @ss in a big way.

Granted...I'm from the wrong side of the tracks so getting the cop involved like your old lady did is just asking for trouble.

When it comes to getting the cops involved... no one wins!

You gpt lucky...a giy like me would have been in county for a while...and then were would you all ne?

It's been my experience that you don't mess with getting the cop involved.

Again you are so damv lucky and your old lady is dumb as rocks.

So are you going to let your old lady have another sbot at you, or you going to talk to the DA?

Whats sad is some chick in your town was getting slapped around by some POS and your old lady is playing games with the cops...there should be consequences for this kind of shyt your old lady pulled.

I'm sure there are..you just need to pull the trigger!

Or

You can wait until she sends the cops to your work?

It's sad how some poeple can play games like this and have no idea how "real"this grap is to law enforcement that scrape up the bodies of folks that truly are being abused.

Your old lady is so phucking wrong in every way!

DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

Stop being so passive. She falsely accuses you of a DV and your response is:

False DV

The po po were fine. One of them is a close friend of mine and kept the whole thing from escalating.

I will start looking for someone to reach out to

Seriously man you need to cowboy up and protect yourself. Consult a lawyer immediately with a view to making a formal complaint and follow the advice of the many wise people here who you seem to be pretty much ignoring.

What a horrible person she is.....

Hate to say it but at this point wouldn't put it pass his crazy wife to bring the OM to try and kill 36 next time he walks through that front door

OMG, this is just fucking awful.

36, your wife is psychotic. I don't say this lightly. From her "Sorry I got caught" to the thinking things would be easier if you were dead and now calling the cops on you...she is showing you who she is. And at the very least, she is thinking about your death, and how it would benefit her. And actively taking steps to put you in danger. It was lucky you knew the officer...you realize she put your life in danger on purpose, though. Next time she's going to say you have a gun and will kill anyone who enters.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. You are clearly such a good man who continues to be tortured by this monster.

Unlike most stories on here, I think there is an element of physical danger in your situation. Your wife is unstable. She thinks about you being dead, and thinks that it would be better for her. She has no qualms about telling you.

Get a lawyer IMMEDIATELY. Go on Google right now. Set up consultations for tomorrow.

I don't think you should ever be alone with her, even with a VAR. I'm scared for you.

Your procrastination and think about its are going to wind up with you arrested for dv. At that point she files for a restraining order because she's "scared". That gets you out of the house and away from kids. Then she files for d and uses the to and arrest to push for full custody. And gets it. Game over.

You are losing this because you don't want to believe she would do this despite all the proof she is indeed doing this and because you refuse to act. Turtle mode is not a strategy that will keep you out of jail.

The thing with abusive behaviour is that it can creep into relationships slowly, so that bit by bit, it becomes the 'norm' in the relationship. It can begin with belittling comments, ignoring a person's feelings, selfish behaviour...It becomes the accepted way two people relate to each other.

Then there is the image we have of our 'significant other'. It tends to get set in stone at the beginning of a relationship, and some people would argue that it is the mental image we have built that we actually fall in love with, not the real person. Over time, the person may change, but we tend to keep that image, the one we fell in love with, and convince ourselves that our significant other is just going through a phase, and will return to the idealised image we have of them at some point. It can be very hard to swap the idealised image for an updated, possibly less lovable image, even if that is the reality of the situation. The adjustment is painful, and sometimes it takes something dramatic to spur us into going through the process.

36, I hope there are things here that will be useful for you. Many here have had to deal with a partner who has changed a lot, some of whom have become antagonistic or aggressive. There are well-established means and methods for handling such situations, and I hope you will be open to them.

Sending you strength and best wishes, brother.

Don't assume that I am not listening to advice. I did get a VAR. I have contacted an attorney.

I found out this morning that another woman has come forward with claims that the OM raped her and beat her after drugging her drink. Blonde, blue eyes and the same age as my wife. The OM has a profile of women he targets.

[This message edited by 36yearsgone at 5:28 PM, September 30th (Saturday)]

Thanks for the update 36 . I am sorry for the shit storm you are in . VAR is good . Carry one with you at all times .Record every interaction with your wife. Your lawyer should help give good advice. Several people here have been down your road too. Keep gathering evidence. I think someone said it, but this OM is trying to get to your wallet through your wife. I dont remember if you did a background search on this POS or not.

[This message edited by 1survivor at 5:28 PM, September 30th (Saturday)]

36,

Those are two big steps. Any steps you take move you forward on a path of retaking control of your life. And that sense of control will begin to clear your mind.

Having an attorney looking out for your interests is huge. You've been carrying the weight of all of this on your shoulders alone.

36, those are some great steps you've taken. Feels like you're taking the right steps.

I found out this morning that another woman has come forward with claims that the OM raped her and beat her after drugging her drink. Blonde, blue eyes and the same age as my wife. The OM has a profile of women he targets.

36, the guy is a major predator. People here have urged you to launch a kind of moral crusade to nail his behind to a barn door. While that might be 'just', and well-deserved for him, you need to focus on you and your situation. You can decide what you may or may not want to do in future to expose his 'activities', but the most important thing for now is getting you out of infidelity.

I hope you are okay, and that you are making time to get away from your wife and her shenanigans to get your thoughts together. And also, just to take a break from all of this. Feel the sun on your face, chill out, feel the breeze. Please do make time for yourself to not be thinking about this, and instead just be 'away' from it.

[This message edited by M1965 at 7:09 AM, October 1st (Sunday)]

Oh, and what you are describing of the OM's actions sound like the basis of a local newspaper expose of a Christian charitable organisation that has become utterly corrupted. There is no need for you to go on the warpath, but if you offer what you know to a local newspaper, there is bound to be a journalist who will chase all of the leads up and break the whole thing wide open. Only if you want that to happen, though.

Thank you. I am still struggling with my thoughts, but hopefully making some headway.

Go easy on yourself, 36. There are some elements of this that you cannot fix or change, like your wife's behaviour, so there is no point to think about that. She is a loose cannon, and appears borderline out of control.

Focus on the things you can fix or improve, like protecting yourself, and maintaining your health and well-being. Become your own best friend and ally.

You are handling this better than you realise, 36.

Your wife has shown her true colors time and time again with her comments and her actions.

You should believe her.

Get the attorney and cut all communication with your wife.

Follow lawyer's advice and do not interact with wife unless you can document what is being said (emails preferred).

Realize that your wife wanted R on her terms only. Which was probably you taking care of the home and finances while she is free to take care of OM. Now she has decided to play hardball (police set-up).

Marriage is done.