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Her past behavior in dealing with you is the best predictor of how she will deal with you tonight. So not so much unknown about that.

The dynamic has been that she has the ability to set you back on your heels and control the convo. Kudos for you though in this last exchange about her cheating accusation. She got upset because she lost some control of you and the convo.

Timeless yes she is the master of manipulation and I have always been the puppet. I am trying to have this difficult conversation with her. I was thinking about calling the drunk friend and asking him what he knows. He could roll over or dime me out to his wife who would tell mine. Either way I am speaking with her tonight.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 12:35 PM, September 27th (Wednesday)]

research online tips to argue against a dominant personality and prepare. This is not the time to be passive

Call him. Definitely. You would have talked at the BBQ. Talking to him lets you start to take back your power.

"Hey, I wanted to talk to you during the BBQ at your house. A while ago you told me my W was having an on and off A with OMSwinger for years. And you remember the time my W had the makeout session with OWSwinger in the hot tub. I need to bring this stuff to ground. Talk to me."

Then wait. Wait. Wait while it gets uncomfortable. Wait til he averts his eyes. Cock your head sideways to meet his eyes and raise you eyebrows expectantly. Then repeat "seriously dude, talk to me."

Play it out another way. He says "Unsureman, I was drunk, I really don't remember". You say "seriously Dude, talk to me".

Then make this convo the last piece of your plan before you talk to your W.

No need to echo what a lot of the posters stated. They are spot on on the reason your WW treats and acts this way towards you. She has little respect for you because she knows she can get away with it.

Stand your ground and don't let her bully you. Your conversation tonight will set the tone on how your future relationship with her will be. Make her realize that you will no longer tolerate her current behavior towards you and your M. Good luck tonight.

No need to echo what a lot of the posters stated. They are spot on on the reason your WW treats and acts this way towards you. She has little respect for you because she knows she can get away with it.

Stand your ground and don't let her bully you. Your conversation tonight will set the tone on how your future relationship with her will be. Make her realize that you will no longer tolerate her current behavior towards you and your M. Good luck tonight.

.

Hotdog, that is tough to hear that she doesn't respect me, but probably accurate. I have only been a good husband, father and provider. I am nervous about tonight but I am going to have this difficult conversation with her. I plan to leave work early and stop by church then go home and ask to sit down with her and talk. I will update tomorrow.

that is tough to hear that she doesn't respect me, but probably accurate. I have only been a good husband, father and provider

If I had a nickel for everytime...

Unsureman,

It's actually very easy to talk to a dominant personality.

1. They will switch topics whenever they are not 'winning'. Stop the conversation at that point and re-adjust. If she is not interested in doing so then politely end the conversation.

2. A pen and notebook are HELL for dominant personalities. Write down everything she says. Tell her you're doing it out of respect to her that you don't want to gloss over anything and are taking is seriously.

3. When she is babbling on as dominants do use it as an opportunity to as simple yes/no questions. Shit like "does your sister know".

4. Because you have a pen and paper you can get VERY specific. This is when you ask questions that are so goddamned specific that it'll make anyone's head spin. These small questions will force them to make it impossible to keep their stories straight the more you probe.

Pen

Notebook

You have this.

that is tough to hear that she doesn't respect me, but probably accurate. I have only been a good husband, father and provider

If I had a nickel for everytime...

These are traits that are not enough for WS to be faithful. Then they will have a Jesus moment and realize that they had it good. By that time, the M has been severley strained or beyond repair.

Treat tonight's conversation with WW as a business transaction. Use that inner tiger in you that made you successful in your field and apply it.

[This message edited by Hotdog at 2:49 PM, September 27th (Wednesday)]

Yes......call the guy. You may learn something that you can use tonight.

I see it clearly now.

Your wife has long controlled the emotional narrative in the marriage--its template for discourse.

Do NOT fear your own damn wife! Say what needs to be said, with steely conviction.

I like sharkman's suggestion--throw in some head-swimming shit to rattle her towards honesty.

This is your shot to get it right!

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 4:32 PM, September 27th (Wednesday)]

Sending strength Unsureman, everyone has provided great advise. Stay strong brother, the sun will rise tomorrow regardless of the outcome tonight.

You are making the first step to taking back your power and self respect. The outcome is important however as someone said, the sun is gonna rise tomorrow no matter the outcome. The more important thing is to see that you took that tough step of getting *yourself* back. Not what she has created in your mind as your self image. But your core self. Its there. We've seen it. Growth from your first post to now.

I go back to the image of you getting her ass out of that hot tub (*not* proposing *any* physical method tonight). I use that image because it shows you have it within you to be strong and decisive. Couple that with your professional demeanor in your work life.

How'd it go, Unsureman?

You ok, UM?

UM, check in when you can.

Hopefully all went well for Unsureman.

.... and if it didn't go well or you didn't feel strong enough to lead that conversation, we have your back as well...

Damn, Sam! I got 3 or 4 parking lot confessions just by the threat. It works!

Unsureman,

Any update? How'd the confrontation go?

Hi unsureman

Please let us know that your ok