SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

How ya doing uman?

Hey UM! How are you holding up?

Hey, please, check-in!

Sorry that I haven’t checked back in, I am still in limbo in regards to uncovering the whole truth. Spoke with drunk friend and he advised me that my wife confronted his wife about what he said and that he was drunk and doesn’t want to speak about it again. My wife said that she wants us to move away immediately and for me to quit my six figure job and down size immediately.

Now the strange part my phone calls for some reason are going to my brother in laws phone, we are not on the same plan or area code. I feel that she has hacked my phone. My phone will ring and then the number will disappear. Friends and business associates have advised me that they have spoken to my BIL who they know. I confronted him and he played dumb and said that he was going to the Apple store to have it corrected. Jesus

Friday I went to a party and the OM and his wife were there. Wife and I had a good time until my wife started drinking and moved over and sat by the OM, away from me. I just looked at her and she came back and sat next to me. That night she told her girl friends what my drunk friend said and kinda made a joke about it. Wife was a total bitch to me all weekend. She said that she is afraid to be herself around me, because I will take it wrong, sitting next to OM. I am watching and waiting for the shoe to drop, it’s a matter of time. I believe that I did well by not freaking out from this. I am not a doormat, I will divorce if I find an affair with this man. The affair with the OW I will forgive. I am just so tired of dealing with this crap it is slowly killing me. Let me know your thoughts in regards to this. Been a tough week.

Put a voice activated reorder in her car and get this done

[This message edited by Unsureman at 12:15 PM, October 30th (Monday)]

Put a voice activated reorder in her car and get this done

Marz, I will again,but stopped because she knew about it . She had my phone hacked.

For someone who claims to be innocent, she is going out of her to cover her tracks. I think the key is alcohol. She seems to drop her guard down the moment she starts drinking. her true colors comes out. She only realized that what she was doing was unacceptable after giving her the look. Too many red flags. You don't really need to have proof of infidelity. You can divorce her for simply not wanting to be married to her. Smarten up, MU! She is playing on all levels. She is acting the way she is because she thinks she will always one step ahead of you.

It sounds like at best your wife is just a flirt that is in love with the party lifestyle. And it also sounds like the drunk guy was just going off of that perception and likely has no evidence one way or another. He sounds like a dumbazz that I wouldn't waste any time with. If she is just a flirt, she likely isn't going to be able to resist every temptation, since she puts herself in bad situations while inebriated. That just spells trouble for you. Don't let her disrespect you and don't let her walk over your boundaries. Do you have any kids with her?

For someone who claims to be innocent, she is going out of her to cover her tracks. I think the key is alcohol. She seems to drop her guard down the moment she starts drinking. her true colors comes out. She only realized that what she was doing was unacceptable after giving her the look. Too many red flags. You don't really need to have proof of infidelity. You can divorce her for simply not wanting to be married to her. Smarten up, MU! She is playing on all levels. She is acting the way she is because she thinks she will always one step ahead of you.

Hotdog, My Wife’s guilt is slowly destroying her and our marriage. She has started drinking every day and I have told her that I am very concerned about her. She says that she has it under control, but doesn’t. She has been one step ahead of me, but she is starting to freak out is truly concerned that I will drop the hammer on her.

It sounds like at best your wife is just a flirt that is in love with the party lifestyle. And it also sounds like the drunk guy was just going off of that perception and likely has no evidence one way or another. He sounds like a dumbazz that I wouldn't waste any time with. If she is just a flirt, she likely isn't going to be able to resist every temptation, since she puts herself in bad situations while inebriated. That just spells trouble for you. Don't let her disrespect you and don't let her walk over your boundaries. Do you have any kids with her?

quote]

Randy, My Wife is a terrible flirt and she loves the attention of other men. I believe that flirting and alcohol lead to the hot tub incident. She is in damage control now and wants to do anything to move past other than speak the truth. She knows that I will leave her.

You may want to change the way you operate when trying to obtain evidence of infidelity. She is always one step ahead of you because I believe she is spying on you with the help of your BIL.

Randy, My Wife is a terrible flirt and she loves the attention of other men.

Been there, done that. You are basically married to a time bomb. It may or may not have exploded yet, but its sure as shit going to go off.

Does she know about you posting here?

Hotdog, I do have to change my approach, just haven’t figured it out yet. My WW girlfriends got her back 100%. I am not that tech savvy.

Randy,, you are right it will happen sooner than later. I will wait.

Rubix, I don’t know what she knows, I don’t think that I have been rude on here towards her, she is still my wife and best friend. I still tear up saying that. I think that the hack is on the phone and messaging not internet. Again I am not very tech savvy

[This message edited by Unsureman at 1:20 PM, October 30th (Monday)]

You can set a forward on a phone with a simple *72 and then the number you want to forward it to from the phone. That is not major league hacking. You can take it off with a *73. Try that and see if it removes your forward.

she is still my wife and best friend.

She sure as hell isn't acting like your best friend. Best friends don't hack your phone and do everything in their power to keep a lie from you. This is ridiculous.

UM, you may have to accept that she has bested you. You may never get the smoking gun because she has been very good at ensuring you don't. This is not a court of law and you do not have to prove for a fact she had a full blown A with all the works. You already know that whatever she did was divorce worthy and enough evidence has surfaced to point to it. She's eroding your marriage with her current behavior alone.

You may keep waiting but give yourself a deadline. If nothing changes in 2 months, 6 months, a year, whenever then you will make a decision to divorce or rugsweep. You can also demand that she take a polygraph and you will R if she passes. Have a back-up plan so that you're not waiting around for years for the other shoe to drop.

Been there, done that. You are basically married to a time bomb. It may or may not have exploded yet, but its sure as shit going to go off.

I do absolutely agree that she is currently a bomb waiting to go off.

But there is a shot at derailing this -- IF and only if she recognizes the behavior herself, owns it and gets counseling. A good MC that ensures people own their issues.

Based on her current attitude, "I can't be myself around you." -- that is a lit fuse right there, all kinds of trouble.

Now the strange part my phone calls for some reason are going to my brother in laws phone, we are not on the same plan or area code. I feel that she has hacked my phone. My phone will ring and then the number will disappear. Friends and business associates have advised me that they have spoken to my BIL who they know. I confronted him and he played dumb and said that he was going to the Apple store to have it corrected. Jesus [

It doesn't sound like she hacked your phone. She forwarded all your calls to I'm assuming her brother. I'd also go as far as to say that you may have been on the receiving end of a phone call that she did not want you to get, but wanted the caller to speak with a male pretending to be you. Clearly that is not a coincidence that your BIL was getting your calls. I'd contact your provider to see if you can get call detail on any calls that were forwarded to that line. I'd also see about having call forwarding removed from your phone unless that is an option you need.

I think your being played. I'd do everything in my power to stay one step ahead of her.

You can set a forward on a phone with a simple *72 and then the number you want to forward it to from the phone. That is not major league hacking. You can take it off with a *73. Try that and see if it removes your forward.

.

Beenthereinco, I did the*73 not sure if that was the case. It wasn’t every call.

She sure as hell isn't acting like your best friend. Best friends don't hack your phone and do everything in their power to keep a lie from you. This is ridiculous.

UM, you may have to accept that she has bested you. You may never get the smoking gun because she has been very good at ensuring you don't. This is not a court of law and you do not have to prove for a fact she had a full blown A with all the works. You already know that whatever she did was divorce worthy and enough evidence has surfaced to point to it. She's eroding your marriage with her current behavior alone.

You may keep waiting but give yourself a deadline. If nothing changes in 2 months, 6 months, a year, whenever then you will make a decision to divorce or rugsweep. You can also demand that she take a polygraph and you will R if she passes. Have a back-up plan so that you're not waiting around for years for the other shoe to drop.

.

Nekonamida, You are right she isn’t acting like my friend, if she came to me as a loving remorseful spouse I would attempt R .I will pick a date and hold myself to it.

I do absolutely agree that she is currently a bomb waiting to go off.

But there is a shot at derailing this -- IF and only if she recognizes the behavior herself, owns it and gets counseling. A good MC that ensures people own their issues.

Based on her current attitude, "I can't be myself around you." -- that is a lit fuse right there, all kinds of trouble.

.

Oldwounds What can I say but you are right. I have a lot on my plate. I am keeping a close eye on her and when she goes out, I have spot checked her. Trust but verify.

It doesn't sound like she hacked your phone. She forwarded all your calls to I'm assuming her brother. I'd also go as far as to say that you may have been on the receiving end of a phone call that she did not want you to get, but wanted the caller to speak with a male pretending to be you. Clearly that is not a coincidence that your BIL was getting your calls. I'd contact your provider to see if you can get call detail on any calls that were forwarded to that line. I'd also see about having call forwarding removed from your phone unless that is an option you need.

Northern girl, That thought never crossed my mind, perhaps my friend was going to spill the beans. I am going to keep a close eye on things and try the VAR again and see what it reveals.