SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I hope that your heart and your gut catches up to your head as quickly as possible. You've had just about all of our backs over the last year. We've got yours.

PS... I'll wait on that coffee that you and NTV promised me... promise breakers

I most certainly did *not* promise you coffee. I promised to meet you in a coffeehouse in Amsterdam. I definitely have no plans to drink coffee.

I am not doing great... I decided to start a very very large construction project this afternoon because I had some anger to burn. Now, I am tired and angry. I suppose that's good.

The wife appears to be content with the response. She said that she isn't going to ask me to change my mind. She refuses to leave, saying that it is her house. I don't want to move out, but I guess that I will have to do that.

I am so sorry that you are having to even make this decision. I just plain sucks.

I was similar in that I had to make the choice with my head and then wait for the heart to catch up.

Sometimes the right choice, the only choice, just hurts like hell.

You just cannot R alone. There comes a point when you just know that this is the best they can do and it just will never be enough.

Lack of empathy, blameshifting, inability to really be introspective and own your actions, there just isn't anything to work with sometimes.

There is a better life after all of this. I know that I had a hard time believing that but it is true. Trying to R with someone that is not truly remorseful is just so painful. It inflicts even more damage than the initial betrayal.

Wishing you strength and clarity.

Please see a lawyer before you leave your home and your kids.

I get needing separate space but be smart about it.

Oh man. I'm sorry, barcher. I have always paid attention to your story and the things you've shared because, like yours, my M was greatly impacted/harmed by my depression.

Clarity is a good thing to have, even when it shines a light on inconvenient and painful truths. From what you've written just in this thread, this decision is the right one, although I know it still hurts like hell. I'm especially sorry that she doesn't appreciate what's at risk - what she's about to lose.

I'm sure the D/S folks will take good care of you, once you find your way to that forum. Sending hugs your way, and wishing you strength and peace for the days ahead. It's going to be okay, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

As requested: You go girl!

When you feel weak, just remind yourself that you are choosing happiness. You are choosing what is best for you. I think you're right that she comes with a huge risk of doing it again and a massive lack of support and respect that will haunt you for years. You deserve a healthy, happy marriage.

I am so sorry, Barcher. I have followed your story from the beginning. I had hope for you. I know you will be okay. I am not far behind you. Hang in there.

Reaching clarity that your WS isn't doing the work to reconcile is a good step. Further being able to see that she is self-centered and happily twisting things to blame you for her issues is even better. Despite dealing with depression, coming to realize that you will be OK is huge! And then being able to verbalize the conclusion? Wow!! That is a huge personal step forward for you. I'm excited about the progress you are making into a stronger and healthier you. That is nothing but good news for you and for your kids!

Keep on working on your own healing and on getting stronger. When you are ready, maybe even on gaining more understanding of how you WS shows disrespect and on the tactics she used to get what she wants as you'll need to be well equipped in order to not get sucked back in by her.

While the situation you are in is filled with pain and it is difficult, be encouraged by the ways you are growing, changing and healing!

I am so sorry to read this but I think you know what's best for your own peace of mind....you have so much to offer here on SI and IRL....

I wish you peace

I know how gut wrenching this decision is. You put a lot of thought into it and it seems with her attitude the most logical and best decision.

Hey man, I just want to throw some support your way. I know I've harped on you a few times about divorce, so I'm not sure if you'll believe me when I say I'm truly saddened that this is what you're left with, but I do mean it. I always hope for reconciliation, sadly that's not in the cards for everyone. Keep climbing out of infidelity, brother!

Strength and a bro hug (((barcher

I'm sorry, barcher. Most of the time the agony is in the process of making the decision. Once the decision is made things become easier.

As shitty as it is I'm hoping for you that the clarity of your decision makes your life easier to bear. I'm just hoping for some comfort and stress reduction for you.

She replied that there was no chance of an affair because I was doing much better.

I can't believe that after a year she said that! The nerve. She is so disrespectful still. That should be reason enough to kick her to the curb. Even if your depression made an impact on the marriage before the affair. Good people do not cheat and do not punish. Your wife sounds cruel. I am so happy that you know she is spouting BS. Good for you to be able to navigate this and heal. She at this point is dead weight. She may be able to change more. My husband didn't really buckle down till around 18months, but he also never never tried to blame the affair on me or what I was doing. He never stated that if I "behaved" he wouldn't cheat. I don't understand these cheating wives that cheat to teach their husbands lessons or to get them to change. How cruel and self absorbed can one person be?!

Do you feel a little bit relieved, at least, since you have made the decision?

I am very sorry Barcher. You will find your way. I wish you peace in your journey

Based on her reaction to your decision -- it sounds like the right call, despite your very best efforts.

Key point from tushnurse:

Please see a lawyer before you leave your home and your kids.

You've already endured the double tragedy of a remorseless WS -- but don't give her anything else.

Protect yourself.

[This message edited by Oldwounds at 11:10 PM, August 2nd (Wednesday)]

Best wishes to you barcher on your new journey. I'm sure this was a painful decision, but I know how hard you worked at R. You can't R alone.

[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 11:44 PM, August 2nd (Wednesday)]

((((Barcher))))

I'm so sorry and if I could, I would wrap you in a hug. A hug that would somehow reciprocate all the support you have given many here, and countless times for me personally. You have encouraged and supported me, empathized, raged and laughed with me. You are a wonderful, kind soul and my heart aches for you as you reach a decision you were so hoping to avoid.

I know you don't want to do this. Sometimes the need to do something outweighs the want. Your wife isn't remorseful. For her to STILL reference your depression as a reason for her to cheat or not is just blame shifting and you know this.

I know what you mean about the compliments. I never get any from my WH either. Friends, family, perfect strangers? Sure. But him? Nope. Has no problem complimenting others though. That says something, and it's been bothering me lately. A lot. I understand the hurt and frustration.

We're all here for you as you always are for us. Love, strength and massive hugs to you my dear friend.

Just want to say that I'm pulling for you, and congratulations on getting on top of your depression.

I'm thoroughly disgusted by you MC. I simply cannot understand what would make an educated person draw such conclusions, but so many seem to.

Best of luck. Stay strong.