SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Leave it be...let her play house.

Shit is about to get real for her...

[This message edited by OrdinaryDude at 4:55 PM, May 18th (Thursday)]

When she gets served, she probably will be angry. I don't see cheaters feel "hurt" or "betrayed" so much, but much more frequently angry.

She will see it I think as a personal insult. Like you are trying to take advantage. I'm not sure she can equate the being blindsided of filed for divorce vs. the blindsided of finding her cheating. I think the cheaters usually think the cheating is not so much as big of a deal, but anything like the divorce, or heck, even if she finds out you snooped her email, she probably would consider that way worse than the cheating.

But your wife seems pretty happy right now. She won her prize other man, she grabbed him away from the other man's wife, and she probably is feeling happy and satisfied she won. Really, it's not that easy, especially when kids are involved, but I have to say something and I don't know if you thought about this yet - this other man and your wife seem like they have a lot in common. Both cheaters. Both aren't too upset about the kids. That is very unusual in my observations here, for both of them to not wanting their kids.

So I think although she will be angry, she will be thinking you are trying to take advantage of her.

I think as the divorce progresses, the stuff does get more real, and you might see other man come crawling back to his wife. The thing is, your wife isn't much in the homefront. You carried the burden there. Do you think this guy is going to like that for very long? The sex might be hot, but how long can that stay fresh? Especially when you've got to do practically everything. He can't care less about his kids than your wife does, I think.

Think about this, too: They really started dating in November, which they moved to sex and "in love" almost immediately, and now they are shacked up and virtually thinking of happily ever after. They haven't gone through too much. It's his house, right? Where does her money go? Does she at least chip in financially? Or no chores, no funds, just sex and her sparkling personality?

Even singles who date seriously, they take a short break or even maybe a little longer between relationships, because they don't want that "rebound" effect. Your wife and this dope jumped right from the pot and into the fire. I can predict comfortably it will fail, because just from my observations very few succeed. I guess you can get a hole-in-one in golf, but I wouldn't bet on it.

Our cheating wives, I don't see them as marriage material at that point.

I agree with a lot of what you are saying. I'm not sure if she will think I am trying to take advantage of her, but it sure it possible. I can tell she's having a rough time dealing with my complete and udder indifference to her right now.

I can't be certain but I do not think they are living together. I can't confirm because i don't care to ask but I think WW is still at the same place she has been. A friends. They may well be and probably are meeting up or what have you, again she can make that choice but she sure as fuck doesn't get to escape the consequences.

WW and OM are both assholes.

[This message edited by dostl10 at 9:20 PM, May 18th (Thursday)]

So I was looking at our bank account and WW is still attending IC. The person is different then who we'd been seeing for MC and IC. This i think is the 4th one she's seen in 2 months or so.

[This message edited by dostl10 at 7:09 AM, May 19th (Friday)]

I was reading this thread and wondered if she had been served yet.

[This message edited by Northsider12 at 9:41 AM, May 19th (Friday)]

Should be this week at some point.

Dost

Despite suggestions to the contrary, the best thing for you to do is employ the 180. This can have varied results, but it helps you cope with the current situation and it leaves her with her thoughts and gives her a taste of her future with you.

You have asked what to expect from her in response to the divorce papers, but you are the only one that knows her. With no face to face the people here can only predict what has happened with others.

It appears to me that the affair has gone on for too long and she's well settled into the fog resulting in confused actions. Whether you divorce or reconcile your best approach is to file and start acting like the marriage and relationship is history, just like you're doing.

That's really what I am doing. It sucks, but to me it's over. I can tell she's not sure what's going on as she continues to want to engage me but I refuse. I am hurting a lot today but I'll get through.

Just wanted you to know, that I'm still in your corner Dostl10!

So I was looking at our bank account and WW is still attending IC. The person is different then who we'd been seeing for MC and IC. This i think is the 4th one she's seen in 2 months or so.

None of them are telling her what she wants to hear.

Sharkman is right, she's doctor shopping...

That's exactly what my mom said

she is giving you confusing signals as She is still assessing and you are plan B. If you can come to terms with that seeking R is OK. It is beta males who face infidelity. Take an alpha male approach to the situation which you have already started by filing. Do not let her play this game of confusing you and keeping you on your toes. My view is what she has done so far make her poor life partner unless you have a special reason. The best enabler for cheating is the home base provided by the oppressed spouse. she has lost some of it. Do not let her have the fully secure home base feeling again

[This message edited by goalong at 3:54 PM, May 19th (Friday)]

I am not plan b and I have let her know that. I don't pay her or what she does much attention. Mostly I find it ridiculous now. She does not have a home base. The attorney got the summons back and sent it to get served after the 24th. The 23rd is my daughter kindergarten graduation and that can't be spoiled or push aside for any reason and that is my choice.

Ive honestly not longed for affection the way i am in so long. Not ffom WW but from anyone to jyst not feel alone. I just want a hug and to feel loved.

It's pancake day at our house!!! Every day getting a little easier. Kids talked to WW on the phone last night and when they were done I could tell she was looking for me to talk but I just said alright we will talk to you tomorrow night. She said "well have a good rest of your night." Yup, bye!

She'll be served toward the end of the week. Hopefully Friday as I am taking the kids to my brothers for memorial day weekend.

Hang tough, dostl10

You are handling this like a champ!

Dost110,

You are amazing that you have the courage to say all of this. I have to tell you that there are few men in the entire fucking universe who are like you. Who know that they still want to work on the M. That they are ready to do therapy even though they are the ones who are the BS.

I always try to refrain from advises about this. Specially now that i am in a similar situation, only i Do want to work on our M and my husband is just lost,but he talks to me and goes to therapy.

So, just wanted to support you in telling you seem to be a good husband and dad. Don't let that get lost in the process. Your kids need you the most.

dostl -

I haven't commented bc honestly, there hasn't been much for me to say. You're doing it right.

I know it sucks. I know the pain is brutal. So the only thing I want to tell you is this: It will get better. Somehow, someway, at some point, it will get better. It may not be how you see "better" in your head right now. But it will get better. It always does.

Stay strong.