SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

And that is why you need to file for D...she has no interest in making things right.

Is it normal to just feel completly useless and disposable and worthless after. I go from being confident to mush.

That's literally the most normal feeling in the world right now.

You'd be a sociopath if you were not feeling that.

We understand that and will be here to help you navigate through those feelings.

The best thing to do right now is to take ACTIONS. Actions will lead to a feeling of empowerment. Empowerment will fix that. (it also leads to the anger stage)

I can hit every emotion in an hour it seems. Tomorrow i go to the lawyer to sign off on everything and then i am sure she will get served next week. I am feeling very depressed by the finality of it all.

It's a very depressing thing to do. She's had months of intentional seperating from you.

What she did to you was and is spousal abuse. Almost the worst kind. It's hidden all away and literally hits you all at once. You physically can not cope with such a complete and utter nuclear destruction of your life.

Just know that you did nothing to deserve this and it happened because the person that she is.

I hate to make light of cancer but it's really the same thing. Nobody wants a tumor, but all you can do if one is found is put on foot in front of the other and do whatever you can to make yourself healthy. That's where you are right now.

The good thing is that there is a 100% survival rate amoungst infidelity survivors who quickly learn to fight for themselves.

I can hit every emotion in an hour it seems. Tomorrow i go to the lawyer to sign off on everything and then i am sure she will get served next week. I am feeling very depressed by the finality of it all.

It takes courage and the conviction that things cannot get better without you this taking action. The temptation to turn back now and just "get things back to normal" is fueled by the false fear that you will always feel sad and scared over this. Stick to your plan & move forward with it and you will begin to heal. The universe rewards action and you will be rewarded for your courage.

Thank you. She's been at the house the past two days visiting the kids. Not staying the night though. Sometimes I look at her and I can't wa it to be rid of her, other times I think about all the good times we shared, which were way more than the bad until this happened.

Stay strong and keep us posted

Sending a prayer up for you, my brother.

Thanks all. I am about 1.5 hours out from my meeting to sign the papers and file. She will probably get served next week. It's such a shit siuation. I had to see her today and she tries to talk to me like everything is normal. It pisses me of. I dont think she has any idea what she's dome or the actual consequences.

I really wish this wasnt happening but it is and its the right choice.

before D, file for abandonment of you and kids ASAP. prepere to get full custody. do not be a rug sweeper

[This message edited by goalong at 8:00 AM, May 13th (Saturday)]

I agree with goalong. My brother is still living in limbo supporting his kids and ailing mil whilst his wife lives the life of Riley galavanting around with her new BF.

As far as I know she has never sent a dime to help, or even given him a disingenuous I'm sorry.

I signed my final papers today so the filing and serving should all be done by the end of next week. She has no idea it's coming.

👍👍👍, dostl10.

It gets easier. I promise you.

So I just signed all my papers to file yesterday. They said my ww should be served in about a week. I am terrified right now. We have 2 kids. 6 and 4. I have been fortunate to have been the primary care giver since they were infants as I work from home. I have always been the one to provide a stable home environment. I get the kids ready for school,get them to and from school, cook, clean, shop, bring them to bday parties and activities. You name it, I do it. We only did things when it suited her. Never ever picked up a finger to do anything more than she felt necessary.

I filed for some physical custody with her havi5ung them on her two days off (Wednesday and Thursday) every other week. I am scared that I am going somehow end up getting screwed somehow but maybe that's because I got screwed by her already. Since I found about her A she has not lived with us for about 5 weeks of the 8 since b-day. She's failed to call the kids on multiple occasions. Didn't come to one of my son's preschool events. Said she thinks she would be better as a part time parent and so on. She makes slightly more than me so is on the hook for CS as well.

So I just signed all my papers to file yesterday. They said my ww should be served in about a week. I am terrified right now. We have 2 kids. 6 and 4. I have been fortunate to have been the primary care giver since they were infants as I work from home. I have always been the one to provide a stable home environment. I get the kids ready for school,get them to and from school, cook, clean, shop, bring them to bday parties and activities. You name it, I do it. We only did things when it suited her. Never ever picked up a finger to do anything more than she felt necessary.

I filed for some physical custody with her havi5ung them on her two days off (Wednesday and Thursday) every other week. I am scared that I am going somehow end up getting screwed somehow but maybe that's because I got screwed by her already. Since I found about her A she has not lived with us for about 5 weeks of the 8 since b-day. She's failed to call the kids on multiple occasions. Didn't come to one of my son's preschool events. Said she thinks she would be better as a part time parent and so on. She makes slightly more than me so is on the hook for CS as well.

Normal to be concerned as to how it will be received and end. But she is just as worried as you are.

dostl10, about the only screwing that's going on is her with the AP and herself out of a good life with you and the kids. She hasn't been around for 5 of the weeks since your Dday?!?! Geez, I wish my XW was that self centered and negligent! I probably would have had full custody of my boys! dostl10, just make sure you document EVERYTHING. We understand your fear but I seriously doubt WW is documenting anything right now about you and the kids, nor even talking to an attorney and following any good advice because she's got her head so far up the unicorn's butt to even see the hammer of reality is getting cocked back for a slam down. Just look at her actions. You stay consistent on being a great dad. Normally, we say FB and social media are the enabling tools for cheaters but in the case of D, it can be a great documenting tool for how awesome a dad you are to your kids. Making silly face pancake breakfasts for the kiddos, take pics of them going gaga over it, and post it on FB and instagram. Taking them to and amusement park on the weekend? Take pics of them and selfie of them and you having a blast, then post it. Big points for taking pics of them getting an award or good grade from school for a project, or doing a school project together, cub scouts, sporting events, etc. POST IT! I'm not saying stage this stuff, but at least get credit for being a great dad you already are and for the great things you already do for your kids. Keep the accounts only accessible to grandparents, aunties and uncles, etc. so that they can testify how you are a very involved and a great parent. Thrown in some close friends you can trust in that social media circle.

Never ever picked up a finger to do anything more than she felt necessary.

And that is very likely how she will respond to all of this...right up until the court date where the D becomes final. At best, she might do a "midnight hour" scramble to gather all kinds of bullshit "evidence" and her marital rewrite to thwart your favorable custody decision but that generally entails having to lie on so many levels she'll end up contradicting herself in her claims.

Is it normal to just feel completly useless and disposable and worthless after. I go from being confident to mush.

That is the worst response to your WW betrayal. May be unavoidable initially. But become even more happy and successful is the best response. There are other people in your life now and in future. Looking back you will feel relieved that you escaped this unstable hollow personality.what does not kill you make you stronger

For your fear of custody filing for abandonment of you and kids . Is this not possible or have no bearing?

So far pleading/giving space to her did not do much. Now see what happen when you indicate you do not want R by filing D. She will come crawling

[This message edited by goalong at 3:58 PM, May 16th (Tuesday)]