SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I agree.

So OM spouse said he's confessed everything to her. Not all at the same time but never had to pry anything out of him or discover what's going on. Where I've been all discovery for each thing. She said they've been living apart for 7 weeks and was told he and my WW have only talked here and there when WW told me they talk every day through snapchat. He didn't tell her that WW was not living with us anymore but WW told me that they were living seperate. So my WW is being shitty and honest at the sametime. HAHAHA!

Exposure is a must, especially if you want R. If not, then expose everywhere except her work. Her losing her job could impact you financially. You can then expose at her work after the D is final.

There are so many people that "know" but not the whole story. She's obviously giving them all she wants. Anyone who I talk to knows the whole thing. I'm just not going around and throwing it out there.

God I wish I had seen the communicating with WS article. That would have helped me a ton. Hindsight.

I lost my cool a lot upon discovery of everything there was no talking like the Communicate with the WS article from me.

Talk is cheap. That is your problem. She will pay attention to actions.

You said "scripted." Human behavior is a science. Cheating is a human behavior.

Trust that she will follow the script. She likes BOTH being married AND being "single and dating." She could have left you, divorced you, for no reason. She didn't. Because she wants both. She will want both until she falls out of love from him. That will take a few years.

When you divorce, then she knows the clock is ticking. She knows you will crumble the minute she "picks" you, so she figures she has the last minute to decide. If she can get other man to follow through to divorce his wife, then your wife will give him a shot. Her heart, "in love," is much more important than your kids. You are not as much of a thought. "Love" conquers all. If other man goes back to his wife, you'll wife will be back to ask you to fix yourself acceptable enough, to at least try to measure up to the other man. Do you think you are up to it?

Really, the sooner you can actually file, the sooner she will be forced to choose. Your ultimatums are weak. Talk is cheap. She already knew that cheating might end in divorce, but she figured she could persuade you not to. So far she is right.

She wants a life with other man. You are the backup plan, but still needed right now. When she is assured with other man, she will divorce you and she won't worry like you are.

There is a lot to be said about "talk softly and carry a big stick." Meaning, be a man of action.

THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

wk55hn cuts right to the chase.

Stop this whole thought process.....

Do I tell her or just leave it alone? I'm also very skeptical of exposure. I've read that it can be good and it can be harmful if looking for any R.

Stop thinking about her in terms of, what she wants, how she will feel about what you do/don't do, will this help/hurt chances of R.

She doese not want R. She does not want you. She is on love with him. She is not R material. And chances are she will never be.

Right now you need to be about the business of YOU. File, have her served at work. Limit all discussion to the kids and logistics of the coming divorce.

So basically shut up and take action. Both of which I am doing. We don't talk and I began filing today.

I was with marriagesucks, it sure seemed very suspicious the way the story was laying out, but you have convinced me that you have verified and double checked the who's and what's.

This seems to be a case where R ain't gonna happen anytime soon, so yes, file immediately and get on down this lousy road. I agree with the others here. She's using you for a life raft, just keeping you as an option should her fantasy go south. Eliminate that option.

You need to live your life, not hers. It's funny how you pick up a line or two out of a movie. I think it was Holiday where the old actor guy tells the younger woman that she is living the movie of her life. Is she going to be leading lady, or just a supporting actress. For some reason, that stuck with me.

I'm not arguing anyone's points but I am just curious. What is R material? What would that type of person demonstrate?

Reconciliation Material. Remorseful, open and truthful, willing to meet your needs...the opposite of your WW. Read Joseph's Letter, it lays it all out.

[This message edited by DeWittle at 9:15 PM, May 5th (Friday)]

I'm not arguing anyone's points but I am just curious. What is R material? What would that type of person demonstrate?

First, honesty. She would answer all your questions without hesitation and would not downplay what she did.

Second, she would demonstrate true remorse by repeatedly apologizing for what she did and avoiding making any excuses or putting any blame on you.

Third, she would do what she could to help you heal from her infidelity. That includes asking you what she can do for you AND doing things for you that you don't ask her to do.

Fourth, she would put with any negative comments or outburst from you without complaint.

Fifth, she would put your interests ahead of hers, including not pressuring you to forgive her or agree to R.

Most importantly, she would demonstrate by her actions that she is prepared to support any decision you make about the future of your marriage.

If your WW were good R material, you would have no doubt about it because she wouldn't give you any reason to question her motives.

So far she is none of those things which h is why we are headed for divorce.

Google the difference between regret and remorse.

Per your post, your WW has not demonstrated an ounce of remorse.

We understand that you want her to, you want R but that is not your reality.

She is not remorseful. She has lied continuously. She wants what she wants, when she wants it. Regardless if it hurts you or your daughter.

This is who your WW is. Acknowledge it and react to it.

I hope she wakes up but don't hedge your bets on that, you have to be the grown up for your daughter. You have to fight for her and yourself.

Don't settle.

Thanks all. I have been aware of where we are for a week. A lot of my questions were just for clarty sake. I'm not thinking she will turn around anytime soon if ever. I've accepted that. My kids and I do deserve better I know that and I will give them that.

Good for you man. Stay strong.

So i spoke to ww on phone and she now, after seemingly not caring about our kids is almost now demanding time with them. It's a good thing i have the balance for my retainer ready.

She may have talked to a lawyer too, and been told abandoning children, leaving the family home wont look good in front of a judge. Thats why everyone has been telling you to document everything.

I thought that as well, but i think she still thinks i am holding off.