SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thanks for all the kind words everyone. I am glad I found this place. It truly has given me the strength I needed to know that I deserve more and that I can do what's necessary.

I've woke up this morning and all I can think about is how much i miss her laugh and smile. I don't want to miss her and there are so many times I do and they are mixed with just anger and hate. I wish I could just forget I loved her.

Dost when you find yourself missing her just try to remember that what you are missing is the woman you thought she was. Through her lies and actions she has shown you she is not that woman.

I have gone through this with my soon to be ex. We are in an in house separation and its hard. For me I just remember that every time I have tried to offer an olive branch and make peace with her on some front, it has been followed with lies and more betrayals by her.

The woman she is now is not the woman you loved or on some level still love. For me anger on some level is my constant companion when I think of my wife most days. Anger at all the pain she has caused my kids and myself through her selfish behaviors and actions.

Knowing she threw away so many years together to screw around with other men... There are no words for the level of betrayals us betrayed spouses feel. In my case, knowing that she feels she did no wrong and is entitled to do whatever she has wanted too without consequence... that's perhaps the biggest f--- you of all to swallow.

Oh I know she is no where near the woman I loved. The woman I loved would have never did what she did. She condemned people like her. She would have thought the OM was a pos. She would never have considered being a part time parent or being away from her kids. She would have never broken me and tried to justify it. She would have never lied and betrayed me. But she did and that is who she is now. I miss who she was. But it's like a ghost. It's like missing someone who is dead and the ghost is still haunting.

I used to look at my wife under her hair behind the back of her neck while she was sleeping. I thought maybe the aliens had turned her into one of the pod people. But no, it was her.

[This message edited by wk55hn at 8:42 AM, May 21st (Sunday)]

Hahaha. That's how I feel. I just don't get how I went from who I was to her to someone who could so easily be broken without a thought. Or better yet, with the thought that it didn't matter.

The one thing I noticed with my XW back then after my Dday was when she exhibited her wayward side her eyes seemed glazed over or glossed and it seemed like she was possessed. I'm curious if that is the effect of a dopamine boost.

happiness come from within. never seek it outside - dhammapada. People and things always change (law of impermanence. Depending on such things for one's happiness always lead to frustration

Dost - she hasn't changed. It took her this long to show you who she really was.

Dost - I just read your posts from the beginning. My thoughts were that you have handled this so well, and you are doing so good. AND.... I know how much this hurts and how painful it is. (then I read your post today) YES! Its awful - it was seriously the worst thing I'd ever experienced. The pain and betrayal. And even though you are "handling it so well" - I know it hurts.

Everyone here posts from their own perspective - and in the beginning - they want you to see the REALITY - so that you don't make the same mistakes they did. It can sound so harsh. But what isn't being said - is that we've all felt this pain. And its unbearable. We know!!! Take care of yourself; find some good support in your life. Find time for you when WW has the kids.

My heart is breaking for you.

It does suck but I know this what it needs to be. I just vent my actual feelings. I'd lie if I didn't say I missed her when I do. I'd lie if I didn't say I fucking hate her at the same time.

This is the response she got from me about hanging out after DD kindergarten graduation.

The only reason I'd even consider saying yes is because of DD and DS and that's all that matters to me so I'm more than happy to think about it. But overall, no i don't want to be anywhere near you at this point.

Dost110- I learned something in counseling this week that I wanted to share with you, if it hasnt been said already. It has to do with your situation and moving on to D.

I learned that you should take the time to grieve the death of this marriage and your spouse (not actual death). That is all gone, and the only way to be able to move forward is to grieve its lost. It takes everyone a different amount of time, but its a natural step.

So you missing her sounds like all apart of that grieving. Its okay to do, b/c once youre done with grieving you can move on to the next stage, and eventually health. Pushing the grief down or trying to speed it up will only help it to show itself up in the future in other areas, maybe a future relationship.

Have a good day.

I'm 2 years out and even though I would never take STBXWW back, I do still wonder at times if she'll ever figure out what she gave up.

I can tell you that for some time to come the whole situation will remain mentally consuming. But, being the best Dad you can be, and taking time to introspect on what you want, what you need, etc.. can ultimately lead you to a place where you are more relaxed and content than you were in your marriage.

For one, I know my relationship with my kids is amazing. When they're with me they feel safe, supported, have fun, and that the foundation of our relationship is very well established for a long, bright future, and I believe more so for the better than when I was with their mother.

So, staying for the kids is not in my opinion by default a better option. As long as you make the effort at being an attentive, loving, consistent and dependable parent, being a single Dad can be the better option, especially when the WW continues to put their own self-interests first.

dostl10:

Picture this for the future. You wake from a restful night's sleep and lying next to you is a lovely woman who is in love with you. She smiles that drowsy sexy smile you love and that warms your heart, and she gently touches your face and says, "I love you". You reach for her and pull her close to your chest. And you say to her; "I'm so glad I got rid of that cheating person I was married to because it opened the door to me finding you." and she says to you; " I'm glad you found me because you are what my dreams are made of".

This can so easily happen. That lovely sexy woman is out there right now just waiting for you to get it together and find her. She will happily take your present cheating wife's place and once she does you will no longer wake with the cheater on your mind. I wish you well.

I like that vision. Scary now though. Lol. I haven't been on a "date since i was 21.

Then allow yourself to be excited by that prospect...your life is waiting.

Right now I'd love to be excited by anything. This week is all about the nerves of her getting served. More than likely Friday as she has of Wednesday and Thursday and they are serving her at work. I asked them to wait until after tomorrow because my daughter has her kindergarten graduation and I will not cloud that for her.

I just feel sick to my stomach right now. The loneliness sucks. I've got my kids but what I wouldn't do for an adult hug or just some affection right now. Not from WW of course.

It sucks, there is no two ways about it.

Good news is that if you weren't feeling like crap something would be wrong with you. Literally everyone goes though this awful emotional tearage. It sucks.

So today is my daughter's graduation from kindergarten. Something I'd normally be so excited for, but now is a mixture of excitement and dread because I have to be near WW. Agreed that she could come out for ice cream with us after because it's what DD would want. I just need to breath. I really don't want to be anywhere near her, but this is DDs day and it's all about giving her a great day