SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Go to Walmart find the aisle where they sell velcro. they have different strengths of Velcro's get the strong level you don't want it to come loose and fall out so your wife can find it. Then place it underneath her seat in her car make sure it's secure. Oh yeah buy energizer AAA lithium batteries. That is definitely a must the lithium batteries, if you use alkaline batteries the recorder won't last as long. You have to set it up to voice activate. I don't think that the default setting so you have to going to settings. Play with it for a while make sure you get it to work. Good luck buddy

#1 , 2, 3, is your job

I had some velcro laying around. I did a little fiddling around and got it to work. I sneaked into her car and installed it. I can't help but feel like a shitty person for doing it.

Anyway, most of the day my wife and I didn't talk. But once the kids were in bed, she told me that she didn't like the silence. I told her what did you expect? I had the VAR on me but still remained as calm as possible. She told me she was sorry. I told her that I wasn't sure I wanted to be with her anymore. I made it clear that if the baby isn't mine I won't stick around. She said she understood and started crying. I felt bad for her. I can't just shut off my feelings for her, but I didn't engage. I just told her this was her doings. That she has to accept the consequences. She said she I know. Then after that, I told her I was going to bed.

Tomorrow I'm going to work, getting off at noon. I managed to get a hold of one lawyer who takes weekend calls. I'm seeing him tomorrow afternoon. I'm going to call a few tomorrow to see if I can set up multiple tomorrow afternoon. I'm going to send off the DNA tests for my two daughters. Not to mention how fucking shitty I felt about that. And lastly, make sure my wife makes a doctor appointment where I'm going to attend. I can't trust anything she says and I just need to hear confirmation on what needs to be done for the DNA testing on the unborn baby.

Tuesday evening I'm going to a walk in clinic who does on the spot STI testing.

Sorry you have found us but glad you did. You are not alone.

I have read your thread and you are doing the right things right now. I can't add anything else.

Eat. Sleep. Exercise. Drink plenty of water. Keep reading and posting. No matter what happens you will all right.

Peace be with you.

I guess Surprised is an appropriate nickname. Of course you have feelings, deep feelings for her. Those feelings don;t just disappear.

I can only imagine the conflict of those feelings and the utter disappointment? Disgust? Anger? that you have for what she did.

This is all new to you, for her this affair has been going on for a year or more so she had plenty of time to think about it. How it would end or she'd runnoft with the dreamboat OM or it would just go on forever.

IMO you are doing great, stand with your kids. She ain't gonna win "Mother of the Year" 2016 0r 2017. You have many decisions to make - put your kids and you first.

Not to state obvious but when I was dating (single women) and we knew that a child was not something either of us wanted we used BC.

Was your wife so deep in the "unicorn fog" that she thought regular (she admits to 20 meets so it probably too many to recall) bareback sex with her AP was a good idea?? It is easier to not have a baby than to have a baby these days...or was it the OM who didn't like condoms??

Stupid is as stupid does. SMFH

[This message edited by MickeyBill2016 at 10:49 PM, April 2nd (Sunday)]

I can't help but feel like a shitty person for doing it.

My man. The VAR is to protect yourself & to see if she is still communicating with her FB.

The one who did the shitty deed is the one who had an A, had unprotected sex while allowing her H sloppy seconds, who was planning on leaving her H, who is unsure who is the father of the child & who most likely vilified you to all her partners in crime. I would bet if she knew for sure the OM was the F of the baby she would already be gone.

The only thing you should feel shitty about is how your WW shit all over your M & the disrespect she shoved in your face. There is absolutely no chance if this was my W that D would not be happening, like right now.

But that's enough about the shitty talk I'm trying to eat breakfast

Sending strength my man

[This message edited by notanotherchance at 11:02 PM, April 2nd (Sunday)]

Surprised87

After your last update, I just want to say that you are a star. Your composure under this stress is remarkable.

I'm amazed at your ability to hold it together and think straight. I wish I had your strength. I walked around like a freaking zombie for the first month or so.

Best wishes to you.

Surprised, you are doing remarkably well in such a stressful situation.

Stay in control and continue on your path.

You'll get a ton of advice from people but above all know that you have a wide set of concerned ears for you to come here and talk. Even if you just need to vent make it a practice to come here every day and lay it all out there. You have a few thousand concerned individuals rooting for you.

You're doing a great job of handling this.

You're really doing well.

Had some questions that seem confusing about your story. Is he really 1,000 miles away? How was she able to see him 20+ times, keep her home address a secret and be around for pick-up, drop-off of the kids?

I'm glad you are meeting with a lawyer. Make sure to tell him/her how involved you are in DD medical issues.

Have you checked phone records recently to see if she has had contact with OM?

Do you know if the prenatal test is an Amino? I had it done for medical reasons (not DNA) for all three of my boys. The doctor only had to stick me three times (one for each child) and we had the results within a week. they are able to find out everything from the sex of the baby to if it has any medical abnormalities. Most of the expense were covered by insurance also. I know that there is a very strict window of opportunity for have the test done.

Again you are doing very well.

The others are right, Surprised87, you handled the last conversation with your WW really well.

I'm doing a quick update before I go for my next lawyer consultation.

I visited with one lawyer and told him my circumstances. He told me it was a great idea to prepare myself for every scenario. He told me it was good that I was finding out if the baby she is carrying is mine or not. But he did say based on what I told him today, best case scenario in his experience for custody would be 50-50, because essentially what she did was a shitty thing, but she had been the primary caregiver.

I just hope this new lawyer can give me some new advice. In the mean time I'm going to try and have my wife pick up more hours at work. Heck I know a friend who would give her a full time day time position if she agrees to it. I know she'll bring up the cost of daycare, but I'm more then willing to give up some of my hobbies to make it happen. A little sacrifice in the short term is all right.

Also to clear up some information. From what I looked up was he lived just over 1000 miles away. It appears he did all the travelling to see her. My wife "told" me that they met a few days in a row, so every interaction was planned. It just really makes me sick to my stomach.

And to those who are saying I'm handling this situation well. It is a struggle. I have gone for a few drives, where I just scream, curse and get all my emotions out. My oldest daughter sensed the tension, and it shows since she has been acting out.

[This message edited by Surprised87 at 3:23 PM, April 3rd (Monday)]

And to those who are saying I'm handling this situation well. It is a struggle. I have gone for a few drives, where I just scream, curse and get all my emotions out.

I'm am not trying to downplay what is going on with you, but that is absolutely perfectly normal.

Us as humans have that old "fight or flight" instinct. Right now your body is a mess of adrenaline and other chemicals pumping through your body. You'll be hitting the next stage soon which will (likely) be depression or similar. It's pretty important to hit the anger stage quickly as that anger will carry you through this depression stage. It will also drive you to take material steps to move yourself out of this situation.

Surprise...i too have times when i run to get away from the thoughts and visions. I've ended up in St Louis...Nashville....Evansville...all about 3 to 4 hours from where i live...i leave my pfone so WW can't contact me...she thinks i'm commtiing suicide...i've done this about every 7-8 months for the past 3.5 years...

I never know when a trigger sets me off...i'm usually gone for 2-3 days...have to buy clothes..never take anything..i just have to get out of her sight..no time to pack

But everytime... when i get to where i don't know i'm going...the visions and thoughts seem to arrive about 20 minutes before i do..it's hell

Screaming in a car ride is as good as it gets in your situation. No one does much better than that. Your decisive actions really was what I was meaning, you're doing great. Why do you think she changed her attitude around? Decisive actions. And I'm sure you feel better standing up to yourself then sitting around waiting if she chooses you.

THe second consultation went rather well. He doesn't see why I couldn't get 50-50 custody in case of a divorce. He did say if I can get my wife to work full-time prior to filing that can work in my favor. But like the first lawyer said, he also agreed there isn't enough in order to get primary custody if I wanted it. I'm okay with that. I just didn't want to be a every other weekend Dad.

As for my wife. I'm not sure what to think of her latest actions. She had blocked the other man on her phone and social media. I know she should change her number but she was stupid enough to use the same number for her at home business. It be a hassle to change it but after this latest incident it might be best for our family safety. The other man was trying to contact my wife by another phone number. My wife showed me 15 unanswered phonecalls and a string of texts, which is read but didn't respond. I know she could have snuck in a text and deleted the evidence. But each text he sent ended up being more desperate then the last. He was saying that this problem wasn't going away. That if this was his baby he wanted to be with her. He even threatened to confront me. I almost wished he was. He is some balding, overweight, business man where I'm fit. I work out and am in good shape. I told my wife just to keep blocking his number, and to get a new number as soon as possible. Then I dropped the subject. The more I think about him the more angry I get.

Edit to Add: Something jumped out to me. My wife told the other man on speaker phone that she was having an abortion. SO now he either he doesn't believe she is going through with it or they had some contact.

[This message edited by Surprised87 at 7:34 PM, April 3rd (Monday)]

Keep your cool...Good to lawyer shop, they have different ideas and rates.

Keep copies of anything he sends, when he makes a threat call his and your local police, Tell them you fear for you and your children's life. I am sure WW knows what kind of car he drives, tell the cops. Get a photo of him. Don't end up in jail if the POSOM shows up, just call the police.

As a cop friend of mine told me, if you carry a baseball bat in your car for protection, carry a mit and a ball too.

WW is making some steps in the right direction but there are so many more to come...not just in her behaviour, but the decisions that happen after who is baby's daddy it determined.?

She needs a full time job as she has shown that she goes off the rails with enough time on her hands...

One of the sad things about a LTA like yours, or any affair is the planning that went into each liaison, she made thousands of decisions against her family in order to cheat.

Screaming is normal and good, we've all done it...

Edit to add too: Burner phones, contact within other apps, like games or airline resv., a co-conspirator or a good old pay phone. If she wants to contact him..she will find a way....or maybe he just doesn't believe she would do such a thing to him

[This message edited by MickeyBill2016 at 8:11 PM, April 3rd (Monday)]

Ok. Now you are getting good at this.

I'm glad.

Picking out the bull crap.

How else could she be contacting him.

In the age of smart phones, well. Who knows?

Likely one of your site friends here.

Keep it up

Strengtg