Newest Member: girlangry89

Just Found Out :
Newbies: Mind movies and dark thoughts - how to stop them

default

minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 7:01 PM on Monday, March 21st, 2016

BUMP

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7508567
default

minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 2:38 PM on Sunday, April 3rd, 2016

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7519778
default

 heartbroken_kk (original poster Member #22722) posted at 8:58 AM on Thursday, April 28th, 2016

bumping for TS68

FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.

posts: 2540   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: California
id 7541321
default

minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 3:24 AM on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2016

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7545462
default

fallendown ( New Member #52345) posted at 6:14 AM on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2016

Thanks for this great post.

To add to the discussion:

My STBXWW actually suggested this to me, she is bipolar and BPD and has had a lot of practice stuffing things up in her life. While we were trying to R from one of her affairs she told me I need to prepare other thoughts to over ride the obsessive thoughts. It has helped. I build houses, im building 3 right now and I think about each and every step required to complete them.

Someone mentioned thinking about parts of your body to divert synapse activity from the obsessive thoughts. My IC had me put an elastic band on my wrist, when i find myself obsessing I snap it hard against my wrist. The sting brings me back to the present and subconsciously diverts brain activity from my obsession to the pain in my wrist. When it stops working I change wrists.

Thanks again.

posts: 24   ·   registered: Mar. 20th, 2016
id 7545562
default

SheWiz ( Member #44633) posted at 7:55 AM on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2016

Wow - I've read a lot of posts on the internet about cheating and healing but this one resonated the most. Thank you! When you are walking around falling over a dog toy, or clipping the side of the garage in an emotional panic during all this, ,and almost killing people when you are in such a 'fog' of being the betrayed, this is very very good thinking. Easy for me to see now, a yr out from divorce, but wow - very powerful. The imagery is certainly what kept me going about things I had to do. Regardless of my life being nuked. It's a tough time and these are great words.

posts: 346   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2014   ·   location: PNW Coastal
id 7545582
default

KJP711 ( Member #51299) posted at 6:06 PM on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2016

Thank you heartbroken!! I really need this - I am 5 mos out from Dday and solidly in R but definitely still on a rollercoaster. I'm going to try this..

Me (BS) 55, Him (FWS) 61
Dday 12/6/15
11 mo affair with MOW
Married 28 years
2 sons
Reconciling

posts: 194   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2016   ·   location: New York
id 7545967
default

SadMom75 ( Member #51609) posted at 8:06 PM on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2016

Thank you for this post. I'm 4 months into this mess and can tell I'm starting to feel a little more steady, but sometimes when my mind starts, that's it....

I'm teaching myself to make different homemade breads. I think that will be one of my stories. There are many steps and it helps me feel connected to my long deceased Gram who I loved with all my heart.

Thanks again!

"Betray a friend, and you'll often find
you have ruined yourself"
-Aesop

posts: 699   ·   registered: Feb. 2nd, 2016   ·   location: PA
id 7546120
default

sadbuttrying ( Member #52791) posted at 8:18 PM on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2016

I needed this today! I have been rereading the 180 over and over hoping it would just click. This clicks! My WH brought a stranger he had been chatting on line to our home to be with, when I see his truck leave I always picture him pulling up with her in it... every single one you described I torture myself with daily! Hourly!

Sooo...now it is my running, how it feels, the sun on my face. Swimming with my son, him laughing and splashing me, the sound of children around me. My third one I'm gonna have to think on, even that will distract me from all my brain torture!

Thank you!

Married 8 years, Together 10
d-day April 8th 2016 most recent PA
May 22 TT learned about 2nd PA
3 years actively searching for SA on dating sites
DDAY#2 10-29-20 drug relapse (2 years using behind my back)
"People don’t cheat because of wh

posts: 633   ·   registered: Apr. 16th, 2016
id 7546139
default

Diver89 ( Member #52839) posted at 10:27 PM on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2016

Thanks for the great post! I have been completely haunted by mind movies and getting fixated on the past. Thanks for the good practical advice.

posts: 240   ·   registered: Apr. 19th, 2016
id 7546248
default

minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 3:06 AM on Thursday, May 12th, 2016

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7554254
default

minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 11:38 AM on Thursday, May 26th, 2016

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7566210
default

minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 11:01 PM on Friday, June 3rd, 2016

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7573466
default

hopeandhappiness ( New Member #53282) posted at 1:25 AM on Sunday, June 5th, 2016

It was good to read the 3examples as my ID taught me something similar to build a house what would it look like right back to the path going up all the detail on the front door, the garden at the front the colours and types of plants. Sometimes it worked and other times that horrible torturous mind would take over and win. Another problem I couldn't cope with was the images in my mind of my WH physically with these women I was taught to put the picture in a frame change it from colour to black and white then fade the picture out then look at the furthest thing you can see for me it was a tree in the distance then push that framed fuzzy picture as far away as you can see. I guess you have to keep trying things to see what works for you. I have managed to get through this week by really focusing on the day that we are in the here and now not what's passed and not tomorrow just today.

This forum has been such a help to me to know others feel just like you and that you are not going mad and you are not weak and worthless. Someone who we trusted and never thought would deceive us has inflicted great pain.

posts: 12   ·   registered: May. 18th, 2016
id 7574100
default

sadbuttrying ( Member #52791) posted at 6:09 PM on Wednesday, June 8th, 2016

BUMP

Married 8 years, Together 10
d-day April 8th 2016 most recent PA
May 22 TT learned about 2nd PA
3 years actively searching for SA on dating sites
DDAY#2 10-29-20 drug relapse (2 years using behind my back)
"People don’t cheat because of wh

posts: 633   ·   registered: Apr. 16th, 2016
id 7577141
default

minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 12:24 PM on Wednesday, June 22nd, 2016

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7588370
default

minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 1:10 AM on Tuesday, July 19th, 2016

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7610846
default

MilesToGo ( New Member #54104) posted at 1:14 PM on Tuesday, July 19th, 2016

Thanks for posting this - I wasn't sure what I was looking for when I came to the forum this morning... I was distracted by constant thoughts of my WH's A, but it turns out it, I was looking for THIS. I plan to start practicing these strategies today.

Me: BS 40; Him: WH 37
D-day: June 7, 2016
PA with coworker for 13 months

posts: 21   ·   registered: Jul. 12th, 2016
id 7611114
default

Backslider ( Member #54066) posted at 5:30 AM on Saturday, July 23rd, 2016

The thing that works great for me is books on tape. I always have one in my pocket and when the thoughts start going south, I turn it on quick, and it is a great distraction. I always take a book on tape to bed with me, so when I wake up at 1:00, again at 2:00, again at 3:00, I can turn on my book and listen for a few minutes and fall back asleep. I usually end up listening to the same few minutes over and over, but who cares? If I weren't doing that, I'd be awake the whole time playing mind movies, and that's no fun at all. Most libraries have a pretty good selection -- anything is worth a try if it will shut down your over-active brain for a few minutes and give you enough peace to go back to sleep.

Me - BW 57, WH 58, OW 65 ha
M 28 years, D day 1/2017
One of us is working on the D paperwork, the other is dragging his heels "in case things don't work out." Spare me, I ain't no Plan B woman!

posts: 114   ·   registered: Jul. 9th, 2016   ·   location: California
id 7614744
default

PuckQueen ( Member #52517) posted at 4:04 PM on Sunday, July 24th, 2016

Thank you. I'm going to save this.

Me 30s a BW
Husband a FWS 30s
2 kids, we are fully devoted to R.

My posts have a lot of mistakes, I use my phone and am bad with editing. Sorry grammar and spelling police everywhere

posts: 584   ·   registered: Mar. 30th, 2016
id 7615631
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.000.20210918 2002-2021 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy