SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

That's a wonderful verse for the people of SI, Wool94, thank you. I'm going to use that one today.

Two things for today -

Back to 1 Corinthians. Paul is talking about the resurrection

For I am the least of the apostles, unfit to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me has not been in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them - though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.

That helps when I worry about being the least of wives, unfit to be called a wife.

And skipping along to 2 Corinthians because they fit together

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

finishing up 1 Corinthians, with good advice for staying honest (alert, faithful, courageous) and living life in that way that I want to.

Keep alert, stand firm in your faith, be courageous, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.

I have been witness to God accomplishing a great many things. I confess with my mouth and believe in my heart that He changes lives in miraculous ways. I’ve seen it first hand for thieves, liars, addicts, etc. Why am I struggling so hard to believe He is doing a great work in my WH? Please pray that my heart would soften and be receptive to the work of God in my H and our marriage.

Also, I am struggling with having AP still ‘in our lives’. Quotes there because we aren’t actively pursuing relationship with her, but she DOES go to our small home church and I AM the Women’s Ministry Leader, so, at minimum, we occupy the same space on Sunday mornings. And, since most people know what happened, but not who my H’s AP was, I do get approached with situations where AP needs tending (I have several someone elses who do the actual tending to the AP). I’m struggling very much with feeling like her emotional needs are being met and mine are not. I’m feeling jealousy when I see mutual friends caring for her. And, it’s not that I don’t have support, it’s just that sometimes I wish she wasn’t getting any support or that people knew exactly why she needed their support.

musiclovingmom...my H said it was like an electric shock went through him when I matter-of-factly stated one day that I couldn't believe he damned his soul to hell for committing adultery. I had no clue he was having anxiety over what I said. He didn't say a word about it...but soon...he started poring over his Bible...looking for something to "fix" what he had done . Don't worry...God is working...in His time...with your WH...you can be assured of that .

I can certainly understand your feelings about this latest adultery co-conspirator...and I am so sorry you had another DDay (((HUGS))). I can't imagine having to watch others minister to HER when SHE is the one who helped put YOU back into infidelity HELL! I know you say you are feeling jealous...but my gosh...what self control you are showing in this Dear Lady .

One of the things that helped ME when dealing with the adultery co-conspirator...was to think of her as many others say on here...that she is BROKEN. By me thinking about the adultery co-conspirator as broken...I was able to start praying for her. It is extremely hard to be upset with someone you are praying for...and I bet it would be hard to be jealous of them too!

As Christians...we should always strive to HELP the broken. Even though you are not physically helping the adultery co-conspirator...by not outing her to others...you are allowing her to get the help she obviously needs. What a testament to your STRENGTH !!!

I would like to leave you with this passage from Phillipians 4:8...which has helped me when the negative thoughts start to enter my head:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

I have to say musiclovingmom ...from now on when I read this passage...I will think of YOU...because it describes you very well !!!

Aw. Want2B, thanks for the encouragement! I've been doing better with this lately. I do pray for her. In fact, our church has a way for people to send anonymous notes of encouragement to other church members and I have been sending her the scripture I'm praying over her life that way for just about a month now. Some weeks it is definitely harder than others.

My husband is doing well. He is struggling right now with some depression, which makes him withdraw. He broke his shoulder two weeks ago and hasn't been able to work since. That whole "need to provide for my family and I can't" thing is eating him alive right now. He has an MRI scheduled tomorrow to make sure we aren't dealing with a torn rotator cuff in addition to the break in his shoulder. It will be another week after that before the doctor can tell him the results. So that's a minimum of three weeks off work with no pay - yay. Anyway. We had a good talk last night about how it is hard to reach out instead of withdraw, but how our marriage is worth that hard work. We shall see.

So glad I found this thread. This is what I need I think. I wish someone would have pointed it out when they read my story. If someone could read it in Just found out, under, never thought he'd do this to me, and give me some Christian advice that would be awesome. Most don't understand why I am forgiving and reconciling with my husband.

My apostle at my church pulled me into the office yesterday as I was at prayer to talk to me. He knows everything that is going on with my marriage. He told me that I cannot dwell in the past and need to look to the future and focus on the positive things. I totally understand this and have been better at casting down the thoughts that run through my head on a daily. My question is, Is focusing on the positive a form of rug sweeping? I just don't want to talk about the affair anymore, I want to get on with my life.

Philipians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

2 Corinhians 10:5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.

heartbroken83 - As gently as I can, yes, this is rugsweeping. Focusing on the present joys is good, but not talking about it and getting on with your life without you healing or your H doing the work necessary to be a safe partner is rugsweepig. It’s like trying to get rid of your garbage by putting a tablecloth and a vase of fresh flowers over it. It will work for a while, but underneath the surface, the garbage is rotting and festering. Healing from infidelity is a process. It takes time. It’s painful. Many of the people in your life will not understand. The generally accepted healing time is 2-5 YEARS, not months. That said, it is ok to take a break from all the invasive, soul-crushing thoughts. Healing is a roller coaster ride, not a straight climb.

Thank you

I’m posting this in here because I know it’s a ‘safe’ place to share things that can only make sense in the context of my faith.

Two nights ago, I made dinner for the OW. She had surgery last week, and, especially because she is a single mom, needed some extra support while she is recovering. Originally, I had planned to cook and have someone else deliver, but that didn’t work out. So, I found myself standing on her porch with scalding hot pork roast and trimmings. I said very little. I don’t think I smiled at all. And I know I didn’t make eye contact with anyone. I didn’t want to be there. I tried to bargain with God to let me off the hook. He gave the preacher a month of sermons beforehand reminding us that we are to love people the way Jesus loves us. I didn’t obey with a happy heart. I didn’t feel better after - in fact, I feel much worse emotionally. But, scripture reminds us, more than once, to store up our treasures in heaven. So, while I’m working through the emotions of the here and now, I still have hope that I’m storing up treasures in heaven and I’m impacting the eternity of people who see me showing Jesus even when it is hard.

I think you did a great job. More than most would. I wouldn't be to hard on yourself for bartering with God about it. Even Jesus said, if it be possible let this cup pass from me nevertheless not my will but thine be done. you may have not wanted to do it but you did! Even when the other person couldn't deliver it for you, you still mustarded up the strength to bring it over there. That took an inner strength that only God can give us IMO. We talked about temptation last night in bible study. I'm sure that you were tempted to not do it at all but you fought that temptation and did what God expected you to do. We grow daily (if we are doing it right) through our trials, since you resisted the temptation to not do it at all, I believe you will be rewarded. Also, in this situation, God is growing you to be who he needs you to be. Hope this helped and have a blessed day.

Musiclovingmom , you are amazing.

Thanks guys. Feeling a bit better today. I appreciate the kind words and, especially the reminder that I’m being turned into who He needs me to be.

All I can really do now with my situation is pray. We vowed before him to be with each other for better or for worse, but up to what worse :( I've never prayed this hard. I know we aren't supposed to question, but sometimes I wonder what His plans are. I know He will answer in His perfect time.

I met with a worship leader friend a few days ago. She listened to my story. She prayed for the Holy Spirit to guide her on what to say to me, whatever my story is. She shared with me 1 Corinthians 7.

"But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace."

She prayed for me and my husband. She asked God to return my husband to me when he already have a personal relationship with the Lord. For the first time in a really long time, I was able to cry hard that night. I felt like I was being cleansed. I don't know what the future holds, but she told me to focus on God. I will be okay.

For my wayward brethen. We are more loved than we will ever know. I am off for a while but leave you, and me, with this, and daily prayers.

Matthew 18

What do you think? If a shepherd has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray. So it is not the will of your Father in heaven that one of these little ones should be lost.

This topic has been restored.

Thank you MH!

I pray for SI, the moderators and staff, and people on it almost every day (sometimes I’m tired or distracted but it is always on my heart). If you would like specific prayer, please ask and I will include you specifically.

For today, from John Eldredge:
Oh, how hard it is to rescue the human heart, to dislodge people from their chosen means of survival without toppling them into resignation, despair, or defensiveness.

May the people of SI and especially the waywards allow themselves to be rescued by truth, mercy, wisdom, humility, life, hope, and love.

My husband and I are reading wisdom literature together (Song of Solomon, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes and then Job). We couldn't do our nightly reading the other night so we sent each other favorites. He has been annoyed with someone at work and he sent proverbs 22:29: "Do you see someone skilled in their work? They will serve before kings; they will not serve before officials of low rank." He is so funny! I love his sense of humor.

I am grateful every day that after the affair, he was determined to make me feel the depth of his love. I pray that every wayward feel the depth of love that exists for them, whether from their spouse, a parent, a friend, a pastor, IC, or some other source that only God knows. And that they can find the courage and hope to live as a person sure of being loved in response.

This was the favorite proverb I shared with him: the last one! "Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise." What a way to end the whole book! I love it! Reading Proverbs through the eyes of a reformed wayward wife is just wonderful.

I'm praying for all of SI, moderators, those who have left SI because of difficult interactions, waywards who are trying to do better, waywards who have not yet turned, betrayed spouses, and the children affected by infidelity, and Maia's family. If anyone would like specific prayer for themselves, please ask and I will include you specifically - I think the HS can translate usernames into names :)