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I Can Relate :
Support Through Prayer ...Part 3

Topic is Sleeping.
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PinkJeepLady ( Member #37575) posted at 6:57 AM on Wednesday, March 29th, 2017

(((Appletree)))

How are things going? 🙏🏻 for you!

Ginac - I have been learning about and practicing meditation for a couple months and am loving it. Sometimes I use a specific scripture passage or prayer. It's so helpful. Also trying yoga which is quiet and peaceful to me. Before praying I am trying to do a few "yoga breaths", I think that's what they are called, and it seems to help me be more mindful.

I know God is with us and loves us! Finding SI was an answer to my desperate pleas for help. I feel the power and comfort of the many prayers offered here, no one is alone. I believe God wants us to join forces and help each other through this.

Hang in there my friends!

Me: BW Him: FWH
DDay June 1st 2012
cheated with prostitutes overseas
Reconciled

posts: 747   ·   registered: Nov. 21st, 2012   ·   location: Out West
id 7821690
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kaygem ( Member #57956) posted at 4:52 PM on Friday, March 31st, 2017

Please pray for me. Dday was about 12 days ago. I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts.

I thought we were happily married for 32 years. 4 kids, in the church, loved God, prayed together,etc... We married young, as virgins and were committed to a life together with God.

Found out that he has been in the online adult chat world and has had 4 hooks ups (starting in 2011!). No affair "attachments"...just random sluts.

Says he's always loved me, wants to stay, immediately started IC. Begging me not to leave, says he never had any love for anyone else.

He says he got a "high" from being "successful" with these online chats and hookups.

Help me, I am in a state of absolute shock, disgust, horror, anger, despair.

My last 8 years with him...POOF! It's all gone!

I will say I never suspected him of this. NEVER. He has always been kind, loving and a good father. Never even raised his voice to us and always has taken care of his family.

But who is this monster? This double life man? I feel frightened, because I thought he was something that he wasn't.

Says he is repentant, wants to change, going to IC and a pastor for prayer.

And here I am, I have NO ONE to talk to! I don't even know anyone who has been through this kind of thing! I feel so alone.

What is my life? Did my love for God and my belief in him mean nothing? I DON'T know! How can a loving God let this happen?

I can't pray anything but "please help" and I don't feel anything from God. Nothing. I had always felt close to Him. Now I feel abandoned by God and my husband.

I feel guilt in some of what I'm saying but I need to tell someone, ANYONE, how I'm feeling.

No insurance and don't have money for IC. My husband does have insurance through work so he is in IC.

Please help.

Me: BW
Him: fWH Remorseful, doing the work
Dday-3/17 (ONS's)

posts: 1458   ·   registered: Mar. 23rd, 2017
id 7824081
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BrokenheartedWif ( Member #40955) posted at 4:07 AM on Saturday, April 1st, 2017

((kaygem))

You are not alone and God has not abandoned you.

Not sure where you live, but there are some in person groups that meet for betrayed spouses. They are a help.

Continue to pray and seek God and be real with Him regarding how you are feeling. He is with us in the mess.

I find solace in the Psalms.

There also may be IC available via Churches in your area, etc. on a low cost sliding scale.

Keep reaching out and please don't make any major decisions in the whirlwind and trauma of discovery.

He claims he loved me the whole time of his LTA. I'm not sure I'll survive his kind of love. Whorena The Cumdumpster pretended to be my friend the entire time as well. I'll take an enemy any day of the week.

posts: 934   ·   registered: Oct. 11th, 2013   ·   location: Central IN
id 7824571
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needfriendshere ( Member #43350) posted at 6:38 AM on Saturday, April 1st, 2017

Kaygem,

Yes, please find people near you - from your church if possible - to help see you through this difficult time. I have found my sisters in Christ to be a tremendous source of support and encouragement.

PM me if you can. Let me know where you live. You never know....

(((Kaygem)))

Me: early 50's
WH: early 50's
Married: 23 years
DS: 21 years old
Other DS: 18 years old
D-day: 2/14/2014
H's LTA lasted 6 years, his EA's lasted during most of our M, but we are both trying hard to R.

posts: 1542   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2014
id 7824638
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PinkJeepLady ( Member #37575) posted at 6:50 AM on Saturday, April 1st, 2017

(((Kaygem))) Praying for you! I completely understand how you thought this would NEVER happen to you, so sorry it has.

It's very shocking in the beginning and I am glad you have found support here. It took me awhile to find SI and when I did I knew it was an answer to my desperate prayers for help. I hope you will find a tiny bit of peace and comfort here from folks who really get what you are going through. There is much hope to survive this craziness and have a happy life. I don't know exactly what your journey will look like but please know you are not alone. God is with you too. Maybe at some point you will see His hand in your recovery process. Be patient with yourself, take it one day or even one moment at a time.

It has taken a long time for my recovery. Pray often and as loud as you want! I used to pray loudly on my daily car commute, begging for clarity of mind and peace for my soul. I learned how to cope and restore my life from others here and suggested materials. Interestingly, the Lord connected me with 2 very special friends who faced similar situations as me and they carried me along during the rough patches. Many a times I wanted to give up and just run away. But somehow I found the strength to keep moving right through this horrific mess.

You have a lot to deal with right now. Start writing down all your thoughts and feelings. Take good care of yourself, reminding yourself to breathe and drink water. I can give you some more tips if you want to send me a pm? It's going to take time for you to process all these things, such as how can he say he loves you and get hurt you in such a horrible, cruel way?

Remember - this is absolutely not your fault in any way. Your WH has a huge problem that is going to take tremendous work to fix. You are a good person, your faith in God can help you get through this, with or without your WH.

Keep posting!

Me: BW Him: FWH
DDay June 1st 2012
cheated with prostitutes overseas
Reconciled

posts: 747   ·   registered: Nov. 21st, 2012   ·   location: Out West
id 7824642
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PinkJeepLady ( Member #37575) posted at 6:50 AM on Saturday, April 1st, 2017

[This message edited by PinkJeepLady at 12:54 AM, April 1st (Saturday)]

Me: BW Him: FWH
DDay June 1st 2012
cheated with prostitutes overseas
Reconciled

posts: 747   ·   registered: Nov. 21st, 2012   ·   location: Out West
id 7824643
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kaygem ( Member #57956) posted at 3:27 AM on Sunday, April 2nd, 2017

Thank you to all who responded. It meant a lot to read your words. They feel like a lifeline to me. Today was awful, everything was a trigger, I wished so much to just die. I want to be put to sleep the way they do right before surgery.

I just want rest and peace.

This is like a roller coaster on steroids.

I'm really fit and have NEVER had high BP but my BP was 160/105 a few days ago at the Dr.'s office. They kept retaking it and nurse even told me she thought her BP machine was broken! and 140/95 yesterday. Today it feels high but there is no one to take it.

Anyone here feel like reconciling one day and leaving the next? My life sucks. Help me Jesus.

Me: BW
Him: fWH Remorseful, doing the work
Dday-3/17 (ONS's)

posts: 1458   ·   registered: Mar. 23rd, 2017
id 7825268
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PinkJeepLady ( Member #37575) posted at 6:17 AM on Sunday, April 2nd, 2017

I am sorry to hear about your high BP on top of it all! I am on 2 meds for it myself, I had it before Dday - but I believe this night mare contributes to it!

I think for the first 2 years it was really up and down for me. So much going one and yeah, I do understand just wanting rest and peace. I struggled with wanting to just run away from it all, just keep on driving down the road instead of coming home after work. My fantasy was to drive out to the middle of no where and just sit, in my pink Jeep. Surviving infidelity has been the biggest thing I have overcome in my life.

A few things kept of me going. I would see glimmers of hope in our relationship and my FWH was working on himself. But, this is hard stuff! One time I was ready to give it up and my brother in law told me that at the end of a rope there is usually a knot and I should try and hang on for just a little while longer. So, I thought, ok just a little bit longer and that usually got me through. Here

One friend gave me some advice that helped me get through a rough holiday. She said I could give myself permission to take a break from dealing with infidelity, just put it in hold for a bit. I decided that I would have a wonderful Christmas, decorate, bake and have fun with the family. If triggers came up I would mentally put them on hold until mid January when I would deal with them. Somehow this thinking got me through. By the time January came I felt stronger and better about staying.

Time itself has been a good healer for us, things really do settle down and get calmer. I still get an occasional trigger, but we deal with them and go on. Sometimes I question my decision to R, but overall I am glad I did.

Be good to yourself, don't worry about making a commitment to R, one day at a time is ok! I think if infidelity is truly a deal breaker for you, your heart will let you know.

Hang on!

Me: BW Him: FWH
DDay June 1st 2012
cheated with prostitutes overseas
Reconciled

posts: 747   ·   registered: Nov. 21st, 2012   ·   location: Out West
id 7825348
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steadychevy ( Member #42608) posted at 4:04 PM on Friday, April 14th, 2017

Easter weekend The most important days in the Christian calendar. The crucifixion and resurrection. Prophesied so many time through the Old Testament. Praise be to God. He took on all of our sins and died with them so we could be forgiven and have everlasting life through grace alone.

Nostalgia time. I'm remembering sunrise services (Easter Sunday) as a teenager. Sometimes in our yard. Sometimes at the church camp at a nearby lake. Followed by hot cross buns. Honestly, I remember the Bible readings, too, not just the buns.

Just wishing and praying for all of us for a special sacred weekend. For remembering that God so loved us he sacrificed his own son so our sins would be forgiven and we could have everlasting life. That this weekend symbolizes the very foundation of the Christian faith and the fulfilled promises through out the Bible.

Praying for all of us for strength and comfort this Good Friday morning.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4658   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 7836461
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northeasternarea ( Member #43214) posted at 4:36 PM on Friday, April 14th, 2017

Thank you steadychevy.

The only person you can change is yourself.

posts: 4263   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2014
id 7836494
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PinkJeepLady ( Member #37575) posted at 5:41 AM on Saturday, April 15th, 2017

Amen Steady! I too have fond memories of Easter sunrise services, beautiful! I am going to try and find some hot cross buns tomorrow, kind of forgot about them!

I am going to try and focus on the sacredness of this weekend, what a good reminder. I know for sure Jesus came to this earth, taught us how to live and died for our sins. I know he loves and cares for us. My faith certainly has grown stronger through this craziness and I know he has lifted me up many a time.

Adding my prayers for all to feel Gods love and have a sweet, peaceful weekend!

Me: BW Him: FWH
DDay June 1st 2012
cheated with prostitutes overseas
Reconciled

posts: 747   ·   registered: Nov. 21st, 2012   ·   location: Out West
id 7837073
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freetogonow ( Member #57821) posted at 6:13 AM on Saturday, April 15th, 2017

Hi gals. Just popping in to say that church tonight was amazing. I'm so thankful for my church family. They have rallied around me since dday.

posts: 1731   ·   registered: Mar. 13th, 2017
id 7837085
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BrokenheartedWif ( Member #40955) posted at 4:37 AM on Sunday, April 16th, 2017

Thank you Steady.

Happy Easter to everyone.

A new day has begun, our Savior is Risen.

He claims he loved me the whole time of his LTA. I'm not sure I'll survive his kind of love. Whorena The Cumdumpster pretended to be my friend the entire time as well. I'll take an enemy any day of the week.

posts: 934   ·   registered: Oct. 11th, 2013   ·   location: Central IN
id 7837653
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needfriendshere ( Member #43350) posted at 8:08 AM on Sunday, April 16th, 2017

Happy Easter to my dear SI family and friends. Christ is risen!!

Me: early 50's
WH: early 50's
Married: 23 years
DS: 21 years old
Other DS: 18 years old
D-day: 2/14/2014
H's LTA lasted 6 years, his EA's lasted during most of our M, but we are both trying hard to R.

posts: 1542   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2014
id 7837715
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BrokenheartedWif ( Member #40955) posted at 3:02 AM on Monday, April 17th, 2017

He is risen!

May you have a blessed Easter with your family.

He claims he loved me the whole time of his LTA. I'm not sure I'll survive his kind of love. Whorena The Cumdumpster pretended to be my friend the entire time as well. I'll take an enemy any day of the week.

posts: 934   ·   registered: Oct. 11th, 2013   ·   location: Central IN
id 7838182
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hopefull77 ( Member #43221) posted at 4:59 AM on Wednesday, April 19th, 2017

In my inbox today....

Fr Ron Rohlheiser

Happy Resurrection Everyone....

The Resurrection as Vindicating Human Fidelity and God’s Silence

Theologians sometimes try to simply the meaning of the resurrection by packaging its essence into one sentence: In the resurrection, God vindicated Jesus, his life, his message, and his fidelity. What does that mean?

Jesus entered our world preaching faith, love, and forgiveness but the world didn’t accept that. Instead it crucified him and, in that crucifixion, seemingly shamed his message. We see this most clearly on the cross when Jesus is taunted, mocked, and challenged: If you are the son of God, come down from there! If your message is true, let the God verify that right now! If your fidelity is more than plain stubbornness and human ignorance then why are you dying in shame?

And what was God’s response to those taunts? Nothing, no commentary, no defense, no apologia, no counter-challenge, just silence. Jesus dies in silence. Neither he nor the God he believed in tried to fill that excruciating void with any consoling words or explanations challenging people to look at the bigger picture or to look at the brighter side of things. None of that. Just silence.

Jesus died in silence, inside God’s silence and inside the world’s incomprehension. And we can let ourselves be humbly scandalized by that silence, just as we can let ourselves be perpetually scandalized by the seeming triumph of evil, pain, and suffering in our world.  God’s silence can forever scandalize us: in the Jewish holocaust, in ethnic genocides, in brutal and senseless wars, in the earthquakes and tsunamis which kill thousands of people and devastate whole countries, in the deaths of countless people taken out of this life by cancer and by violence, in how unfair life can be sometimes, and in the casual manner that those without conscience can rape whole areas of life seemingly without consequence.  Where is God in all of this?  What’s God’s answer?

God’s answer is in the resurrection, in the resurrection of Jesus and in the perennial resurrection of goodness within life itself. But resurrection is not necessarily rescue.  God doesn’t necessarily rescue us from the effects of evil, or even from death. Evil does what it does, natural disasters are what they are, and those without conscience can rape even as they feed off life’s sacred fire.  God doesn’t intervene. The parting of the Red Sea isn’t a weekly occurrence.  God lets his loved ones suffer and die, just as Jesus let his dear friend, Lazarus, die and God let Jesus die. God redeems, raises us up afterwards, in a deeper more lasting vindication. And the truth of that statement can even be tested empirically.

Despite every appearance sometimes, in the end, love does triumph over hatred. Peace does triumph over chaos. Forgiveness does triumph over bitterness.  Hope does triumph over cynicism. Fidelity does triumph over despair. Virtue does triumph over sin. Conscience does triumph over callousness. Life does triumph over death. And good does triumph over evil, always. Mohandas K. Gandhi once wrote: “When I despair, I remember that all through history, the way of truth and love has always won. There have been murderers and tyrants, and for a time they seem invincible. But in the end they always fall. Think of it, always.”

The resurrection, most forcibly, makes that point. God has the last word. The resurrection of Jesus is that last word. From the ashes of shame, of seeming defeat, failure, and death, a new, deeper, and eternal life perennially bursts forth.  Our faith begins at the very point where it seems it might end, in God’s seeming silence at Jesus’ death.

And what does this ask of us?

First of all, simply that we trust its truth.  The resurrection of Jesus asks us to believe what Gandhi affirmed, namely, that in the end evil will not have the last word. It will fall. Good will eventually triumph.

More deeply, it asks us to roll the dice of our lives on that trust and that truth:  What Jesus taught is true: Virtue is not naïve, even when it is shamed.  Sin and cynicism are naïve, even when they appear to triumph. Those who genuflect before God and others in conscience will find meaning and joy, even when they are deprived of the world’s pleasures. Those who drink in and manipulate sacred energy without conscience will not find meaning and life, even when they taste pleasure. Those who live in honesty, no matter the cost, will find freedom. Those who lie and rationalize will find themselves imprisoned in self-hate. Those who live in trust will find love. God’s silence can be trusted, even when we die inside of it.

We can live in faith, love, forgiveness, conscience, and fidelity in spite of everything that suggests that they aren’t true. They will bring us to what is deepest inside of life and love because God vindicates virtue. God vindicates love. God vindicates conscience. God vindicates forgiveness. God vindicates fidelity.  God vindicated Jesus and will vindicate us if we remain faithful as Jesus did.

me-BS him-WS3 adult childrenmarried a long timeLTA 2010-2012D-day - 11-2012 status - reconciling and very hopeful

" I will not define myself by what went wrong yesterday when I can draw upon Life and Love right now."

posts: 2867   ·   registered: Apr. 24th, 2014   ·   location: sunny california
id 7840205
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needfriendshere ( Member #43350) posted at 2:03 PM on Wednesday, April 19th, 2017

Hopeful,

Is there a link to the messages (sermons?) you receive in your inbox? If so, please share it. This is not the first time you've posted one that has resonated with me. Thanks so much!

Me: early 50's
WH: early 50's
Married: 23 years
DS: 21 years old
Other DS: 18 years old
D-day: 2/14/2014
H's LTA lasted 6 years, his EA's lasted during most of our M, but we are both trying hard to R.

posts: 1542   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2014
id 7840396
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rosie437 ( Member #48313) posted at 4:18 AM on Monday, May 1st, 2017

Hi everyone - I could really use some prayer support tonight for strength to go to the courthouse tomorrow and end my M. My ex dropped off a signed copy of the single piece of paper that turns our LS into D on Friday afternoon - no warning, no telling me what it was, no explanation, just left it sitting in the mailbox.

I've accepted that my relationship with my ex is over - and I'm honestly fine with it. I'm happy in my life without him. He's pretty much an ass and not someone I want to be with. But weirdly, I feel like acceptance of M being over is separate for me and something I'm not as far along with in the process.

Tomorrow when I take that piece of paper and get a stamp that says 'filed', I am breaking my own vows. Ones that I believed so strongly when I said them. Ones that I made just as much to God and myself as I did to my ex. And it just hurts. It hurts so much that I reached out and tried to give my ex one last desperate chance - and in return he lied to me, called me critical and hung up on me. So I know what has to be done. I know that I have to do it b/c my ex never takes responsibility for anything. But it really hurts. So if you could, please pray for me to have the strength to go file that paper, to not burst into tears in the courthouse (goal is to at least make it to the car), to stop imagining scenarios where my ex shows up and surprises me with the truth, and to have confidence that God forgives me for this.

Thank you - blessings to you all.

BW: Me (36)
WH: 43
Married 10 years, together 12.5
Dday - 6/12/15
Status: LS on 9/15/16, FINALLY happily divorced on 5/12/17! :)

If you can't show your honest self, you will never really be loved for you.

posts: 840   ·   registered: Jun. 19th, 2015   ·   location: United States
id 7851594
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PinkJeepLady ( Member #37575) posted at 5:17 AM on Monday, May 1st, 2017

Bless your heart Rosie! God loves you for sure! I am praying for you to feel that love and peace as you file the paperwork.

This is a very difficult thing you are going through. Please know there is so much hope for you to live a happy life. Have faith, God will be walking right beside you through this trial. You can do it!

Take very good care of yourself this week. Hoping you will feel comforted in your surroundings. It's ok if you cry at the courthouse. I have a couple tips for you. Wear something fabulous, like maybe a pair of fancy shoes, why not?! Plan ahead what you will treat yourself to after you drop off the papers, a walk in a flower garden, a lovely lunch or a little shopping? A new pair of earrings or lipstick can really be a lift.

Take time to reflect on YOU! What is your future going to look like? What are your dreams and ambitions? Infidelity does not define you, sure it's a horrible thing you have had to deal with, but it's not YOU!

Wishing you strength and courage as you move forward!

Me: BW Him: FWH
DDay June 1st 2012
cheated with prostitutes overseas
Reconciled

posts: 747   ·   registered: Nov. 21st, 2012   ·   location: Out West
id 7851630
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needfriendshere ( Member #43350) posted at 6:31 AM on Monday, May 1st, 2017

(((Rosie)))

Just prayed for you. You know, your H tore assunder what God united when you made your vows before Him. You are free, dear sister in faith. I pray God blesses you mightily and grants you that amazing peace that truly does pass understanding.

Me: early 50's
WH: early 50's
Married: 23 years
DS: 21 years old
Other DS: 18 years old
D-day: 2/14/2014
H's LTA lasted 6 years, his EA's lasted during most of our M, but we are both trying hard to R.

posts: 1542   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2014
id 7851659
Topic is Sleeping.
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