How can people choose to want sex outside of years of marriage is just beyond me. I do not understand how that is even an option.
Man.....I know this spot well! Demolishedinside....at only 1 year out you are probably just coming out of shock and into reality.
I had such hope in truth and love 16 years ago.
I did too!
I'm just struggling this week and dreading hearing vows, knowing how little his meant.
I get these feelings....to the core I get them.
Couple things I have come to accept as truth over my false assumptions.
First, my wife choosing adultery had nothing to do with me, or our 2 girls....our wedding vows, OM, OM's 5 kids, or other BS. It had everything to do with her and her pattern of choosing.
Adultery was not a single, bad choice....and it wasn't in your husbands case either. The ability to choose such a grievous sin is ONLY made possible after a pattern of repeatedly choosing "lesser offending sin". Again, at only a year out I don't expect you to fully get this...it took me over 2 years to own it as the reality it is.
Second, loosing hope in truth and love. Has your husband uncovered what caused him to loose hope in truth and love? This is a BIG DEAL. For everyone who commits adultery has given up on truth and love....thats mandatory for adultery to be chosen. If truth and love were allowed to exist, adultery would not. Deception and lust are present in LARGE quantities are needed for adultery to be produced.......and that pattern was there, but hidden from you, in your husband before he even met his fOW.
Third,who is really in the know on what love is at 20 something? I sure didn't, neither did my wife. We had our ideas....but in our situation we based "love" on the opposite of what our FOO showed us. Both of our FOO had abuse, neglect and abandonment as our inheritance.
Have since learned a very good definition of love
Love = truth + grace and mercy
Dang....that grace and mercy part is tough! Especially following the trauma that DD's produce in a person.
Sin of all nature eventually kills hope and keeps truth from entering ones life....keeps us in bondage.
demolishedinside....I know this was a bold response to your prayer request. I hope it comes across in the comforting and encouraging way i meant for it to. I am coming up on 4 years from my first DD.....its still tough. I am not all healed, but I am far better then I was. Thank God.
You are growing and healing too.
Is your husband sharing and showing you he is changing yet?
It took my wife almost 2 years to come out of the "Its someone else's fault!" stance......I look back and shutter to see how MY long-standing, intimacy limiting and killing patterns made her continued choices acceptable to me. But that will be the topic of my next post here.
I pray a specific prayer for courage, discernment and peace within the battle you have found yourself thrust into, demolishedinside.