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[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:11 PM, April 6th (Monday)]

SG,

I am glad that you were able to see through those links for what they were written for. They were written imo for guys to tolerate cheating and become weak in blaming themselves. Their only value imo is to see the stuff they are brainwashing people with so people can be prepared to deal with the cheaters onslaught once you catch them. You had the strength to move towards a clear and deYcisive path for yourself. May others learn from you and have the strength to do so once they hit a deal breaking situation that will filled with

Limbo hell. Noone deserves that

Keep us updatedic

Spaceghost, good for you, i have always supported your decision as a deal breaker, you have resolve and know exactly and precisely what you want. This is a hard concept for many. I hope you are doing well and enjoying some good Golf.

I get frustrated reading the below because they don't understand.

It does NOT excuse what my wife did but it does help me understand her decisions. She was in a marriage with a cold, heartless, non-empathetic person. I only had sympathy for one person - me

This is why SG will divorce, as he said as much, the posts above his last only solidify this.

1. The illogical statement of "it does not excuse but it helps understand"

No, cheating has to do with the person as an internal problem. Nothing to do with the spouse or the marriage. Cheating is opportunity based either sought out or brought upon in combination with something breaking internally.

2. A lousy marriage is why you divorce, but not why you cheat. Big difference in behavior.

Starting a new relationship won’t take your pain away or make you doubt them. My point here is that you have a wife that is sorry for making a huge ass mistake. My wife was sorry to. We ALL make mistakes SpaceGhost. Even though you never had an A doesn’t mean you never had thoughts about other women, because I did. I thought about them

Another point, we cannot be thought police and the reason is that, we cannot control whom or what we are attracted to, but we can control how we act about it. Thus why the thought is not the point but the act of doing so is.

I support those that reconcile and those that do not, that is the point here, SG does not. However, many times those that reconcile do so out of fallacies or incorrect conclusions. However, if that works so be it. I hardly though would say, waking up still thinking about "what if" or the "pain" meets a recovery.

SG knows what he wants as is expected and should be understood, why enter into something with such great impact on one's life and not know. For example the links given that state:

“I didn’t even know what I wanted until the affair was over and I realized that I really wanted to end my marriage,” or “I had no idea that I used the affair as a way to wake up our relationship.”

This is laughable and illogical, "a way to wake up the marriage" is an absolute fallacy and delusion. Marriages that recover from infidelity, do not do so because of the affair but from the work that is done to the marriage. Work that should have been prior, BUT still does not fix the cheating. The wayward must seek the why internally and not externally.

An affair can be what I call “a can opener” for women unable to articulate for themselves why they’re unhappy in their marriages

Wrong, something went wrong internally, but it sure does make for a great pass... oh yes i forget the articles go on to say "it does not excuse"... it is becoming quite a trend where oxymorons help with political expediency.

I could go on, but the articles are a litany of "woe is me" for the female when really it is an internal problem that occurs in both male and female that allows one to cheat vs divorce. Females do not get a special pass vs the male as to find an "external reason."

Perhaps SG read them a bit differently from the posts and articles but i agree when he said

I saw the last two posts and read some of the "Why Women Cheat" links and it just makes me want to end the marriage that much sooner. The links sure put a positive spin on why women cheat. But it just makes me want to never talk to her again.

I agree, it is spin.

[This message edited by atreides at 10:27 AM, March 30th (Monday)]

I agree atreides completely. Links and theories like those turn men into cuckolds. It is not healthy and thanks to SG and people like him shows there is a way out

[This message edited by Western at 10:44 AM, March 30th (Monday)]

I completely agree with atreides and Western.

OK, so you divorce the wife who had the affair because it is 100% her fault and so what if she met any of the criteria below or in the links. Understanding is for cuckolds, after all, because obviously understanding at all means agreeing a little, doesn't it? (No it doesn't). And you find a new woman. Good for you.

Well, guess what? If she is exhibiting any of (to copy from one of the links)

1. Lack of attention and intimacy:

3. Bad sex:

6. Low self-esteem:

7. Feeling under-appreciated:

8. Bored:

And/or has recently had

4. Weight loss/plastic surgery so she's looking hot and has attention

5. Financial independence so you're not required any more

And you aren't at least a little aware of the increase in the steepness of that slippery slope, you're a dumbass.

Understanding is not agreeing.

Spaceghost, the majority of men who had wives that cheat, divorce them. You have plenty of company, so let know one make you feel you made the wrong decision.

find another woman who I can trust.

Clearly, you are quite task oriented and have made a decision to divorce. You are talking steps toward that divorce, and of course, this is entirely your decision. I imagine you are in a fair amount of emotional pain, and executing your plan seems to keep you occupied. Another box to check, another call to make, the plan is in motion.

But have you taken time to grieve? Because if you haven't...then your quote above will likely never happen.

Listen, no one asked for this. None of us asked for this. But you have been wronged. Plan and simple, you got screwed...and surely, you must be mad about this? Prior to the affair, you seemed to have a very high opinion of your wife.

And yet....bad things happened.

So, what is my point You likely will have trust issues with anyone that you meet, and you will want to work through that baggage before you can totally move on.

Peace

Space Ghost.. you are my hero!

This guy is 'The Man !' . Whether we choose his route or not, everyone should be able to say that he knows his boundaries, he knows what he wants, is willing to hold himself to the same standards, and is decisive. We can all learn from SG

So, what is my point You likely will have trust issues with anyone that you meet, and you will want to work through that baggage before you can totally move on.

Having trust issues is not a bad thing. One should alway have some skepticism no matter who you are dealing with. Blind trust will always bite you in the end. We all know that.

Trust issues will help you know who you should or should not have a relationship with. Wether it be romantic, casual friendship, or business.

SG, wishing you strength brother! We all know this shit ain't easy.

I just read these "Why woman cheat articles" and:

1. Lack of attention and intimacy:

3. Bad sex:

6. Low self-esteem:

7. Feeling under-appreciated:

8. Bored:

And/or has recently had

4. Weight loss/plastic surgery so she's looking hot and has attention

5. Financial independence so you're not required any more

So basically guys, if you don't want to get cheated on you better be the best, most handsome, saintly, sensitive husband and fantastic lover she will ever come across or you get what's coming.

When is it that a woman isn't experiencing any number of these things at any given moment in any relationship?

If all I had to do was avoid these 8-things...

I agree Reality Blows Like many of them gave that to us

You guys need to know there are women out there that aren't "grading" you all the time on these lame categories.

There are women who value loyalty, honesty, partnership and friendship.

There are women who know at the end of the day you might be tired, or frustrated, and might just want to sit and watch a game.

There are women who don't crave excitement 24/7- but just want a man she can really trust, and love with all her heart.

Trust is everything. Without trust, there is nothing.

Just don't think all women are so shallow.. there are women out there who really value dedicated, nice guys. I sure do. The good news is now I'll know exactly what NOT to look for.

Well hi again this your friendly SpaceGhost0007 checking in on this Easter Day 2015. I have read a few different threads on people who joined our crappy club. It really makes me sad on some of them but I don’t just in their threads because I really don’t know their lives. I am still moving forward with the divorce.

I have been having a great time down here in Florida. I have been doing three things working, golfing, and working out at a health club. So I am in good shape but I have found that when you start looking around at other women at the health club they can flirt a lot. I have also noticed some of them are married and they put out that vibe that they are interested even though 2 of them are married that I have talked too. One of them gave me her number and I asked her if she was married. She said technically she was but her and her husband have a bad marriage and she will be leaving him. I told her I just got rid of my cheating wife and I did not want to be with another one ever in my life. You would have thought she would have been mad at me but she said she understood and smiled. It is like you cannot get away from this kind of crap. I have no sympathy for people who cheat.

As I look back at my marriage my wife did do some things that upset me. But we worked through them but the thing that just pisses me off is I had women come on to me while we were married. I never thought about sleeping with any of them since I did not want to lose my wife. If my wife would have hooked up with a good looking guy then I guess I could have understood it a little bit. Instead she picked a married rich guy. And she told me she never had any intention of leaving me for anyone. So anyway I think about these thoughts all of the time.

Now this week I was at my worksite since most of the time I can work from wherever I am staying. After work on Friday I came out to get in my car and start my week end. I work in IT so I was walking out with 3 of my co-workers and they started ogling a women who was dressed up very nice and I was looking back holding the door of the building. When I turned around and looked my anxiety level shot through the roof. Standing around 20 yards in front of me was my wife! Just like some of you mentioned she showed up at work. She had never been there before and I was surprised she could even find me yet here she was.

Now I about crapped my pants when I saw her and I did not want any kind of scene with her so I was nice and I stopped and asked what she was doing all the way down here. She wanted to go and talk and go out for dinner. The thing is I was supposed to meet three other people at a bar and grill. It was a couple I became friends with at a golf course. The woman wanted me to meet her friend and they knew all about my pending divorce and her friend was single. I really like the guy and since I am starting a new life and need guy friends here in Florida we have been golfing a lot and I agreed to meet them tonight and meet his wife’s friend.

So I tell my wife I cannot go out with her now I have plans to meet some other people. She started crying and tried to guilt me in to going with her. I told her I could not but I will talk to her on Saturday and we can get together and talk. I told her at Noon since I may be out late and want to get plenty of rest. So I went out and met this couple and her friend and had a great night. It has been a while since I have not been intimate with any female in a few months. So she was very pretty and sweet so I had a good night. No I did not take her home it just felt good to be flirting with another person. I told her I still have to deal with my divorce but I would be interested in her once I can get that past me. It was a fun night to say the least. She gave me her number and asked me to call her when I could and we left it at that.

So yesterday I then went to pick up my wife to have a talk with her since she came all that way. I was not angry with her just really did not want to talk with her anymore. So we went out to eat then to a park and we talked for a few hours. She answered my questions I had about her affair. They had sex 6 to 8 nights together in nice hotels. He bought her things and gave her attention. She liked the romance part of it but not the sex. She said she is in counseling since she thinks she was insane to do what she did to me. She has never blamed me and said it was her fault and she wants us to stay together.

She would do whatever I wanted to fix this. If I needed to have sex with other women she would wait for me until I wanted to come back and work on the marriage. She will wait for me to get to the point where I can work on things. I told her I can’t stand the fact that people we knew must be laughing at me behind my back. She said no one is laughing at me. She said every friend she has looks at her and asks why she would cheat on a guy like me. My wife was always telling her friends how nice I was to her. She would get flowers and work out of the blue. The women she worked with were always envious because my wife said she always talked about how lucky she was. She says they are not laughing at me they are looking at her like she won the lottery but she burned the ticket and lost it all. After that we just talked about the kids and life in general. She said she wanted to stay down here with me and work on us.

Soooo I told her I could not do this with her. I no longer felt she was special to me. I told her I could not look at her without knowing she came home after being with him and kissed me. She had his dick in her mouth and then kissed me with that mouth. I was not telling her this to hurt her but to explain how I could not get over that. She deserved a Man who would treat her like she is the most special woman on earth. I could not do that and she needed to find that guy. This just made her more upset and she kept saying you have to forgive me, you have to forgive me. At that point she was crying and very sincere and I did feel bad for her. I then held her for a minute and told her that I do forgive her. I also told her I forgive her but she has to let me go. I need to pick myself up after all of this and it was emasculating what had happed to me. So she has to pay the price for what she has done and let me go.

Well she is going to be here for a couple more days and I may see her but at least things are friendlier and the divorce is moving forward. As far as the new woman I met I will give her a call when my divorce is closer to happening. There is a life without my wife but 3 months ago I could not imagine it. Now I am looking forward to my life without her. I have a lot more sympathy for my wife right now but when you have sex with another person while you are married there are consequences.

I read where people going through this have to start wooing their own wife to try and get her back from the OM. I find it odd that a guy like me can just dump his wife and she comes running back. I suppose it has to do with how the marriage was when this is going on. I suppose my wife would not have come running back to me if we didn’t have a good marriage. Or maybe it is because she did not have a future with the OM. But I do know that since I dumped her she is desperately trying to get me back. I know a lot of guys would kill for that but it is not something I can get over.

So a lot of drama but my life is getting better. I will keep you posted. Oh and please don’t post to me that the new woman is clouding my judgement. My wife ended our marriage the day she slept with her boss. I had the decency to file and serve her and move on with my life. I could start dating people today but I am giving myself more time to heal. But I feel good about life again.

On one other note I am not saying my way is the only way to do things. I am so happy I did not sit back and give her any power on what choices I would make for my future. I control my life and I am going to make of it whatever I choose to make of it. My soon to be XW does not get a say in that which makes me happy. Thanks for listening SpaceGhost0007 out.

You're a good guy who knows his own mind. You've handled the crap you were dealt perfectly for you, which is all anyone can do. I'm glad you're getting better all the time. Best of luck to you always.

Good for you brother, good for you.

Side note. I don't find it odd at all that you can just walk away. Recognizing your own boundaries is an awesome club to have in your bag. I wish there was an easy way to convey that to those who get caught in the *pick me* dance. It has never worked in anyone who I've seen come through the clubhouse door.

Off to the first tee.

First, I am glad you are doing well, SG. Moving forward with things. I also agree with Superchump. There are many very good women out there. I have one.

Loyalty, honesty, friendship and partnership are everything. Noone is perfect but if there isn't stability at home, what good is any relationship ? SG, youlost stability and was betrayed and acted decisively.

Many of us have had the misfortune of having to learn the hard way but we do know now.

I think the comments were ridiculing the poor justifications of cheating in the article that was linked but sadly , many people believe and live on the criteria that was quoted from that flawed article.

It shows how fragile some relationships are due to weaknesses of spouses that we felt were stronger.

Back to you, SG, I think many can learn from you here and while some may choose a different path, some who thought they were stuck in one now sees there may be light on the other side.

[This message edited by Western at 2:05 PM, April 5th (Sunday)]

Gratz on working through it SG. Enjoy your new found happiness. Stories like yours are inspiring.